60 days but want to use
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
60 days but want to use
Hi, this is my first post. I have over 60 days, was abusing tramadol for a year and other narcotics on and off for the past five years. I've bee doing well, have stopped drinking as well. But tomorrow I am connecting for a flight in London and I know I can buy Tylenol with codeine there. I am so tempted and I really really want to. Keep think thinking what's the big deal, it's just codeine, it's over the counter, etc. All the addict rationalization. I'm not sure how to have it available and not use. The pull is really intense!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Do you have a support group locally? AA/NA? I don't know much about narcotic addictions, but I'm pretty sure codeine is not recommended for any former addict or alcoholic. You know where it will lead. Usually start with this substitute, then you'll say what the hell I've already relapsed, and then go back to where you were. When I first suffered intense cravings I tried to talk myself through it, what was I craving and why? Why do I need codeine? Because I am in pain? No... hmmm then to just get high? Why do I need to get high? What is bothering me or disturbing me that I need to get high? Do you have an NA book? I used to read the Big Book a lot in early sobriety it helped because it was talking about me. I would suggest quiet comfy reading place if you can't talk to someone who can relate to what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I would think about what has worked for you for the past 60 days staying clean and sober. And then I would think about what you would have to lose if you started using again. We addicts and alcoholics always find a way to get our drug. This trip isn't your only means of getting the drug; you for some reason haven't for the past 60 days. I for one, was really happy to get off that merrygoround of constantly trying to figure out where the "next one" was going to come from.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
If you don't come to understand WHY you keep using and what you are trying to escape, numb, or block out - you'll find sobriety to be much more difficult. That's why most programs have "steps" to sort through the emotional and mental blockages that contribute to addictive behavior. For me as an alcoholic, once I removed the alcohol (which was only a symptom) I still had my insane thinking. This seems to be the case for you? Rather than work on this emotional baggage, you still view using as a viable option? Something must have given you the motivation to get clean/sober - revisit that and determine why you wanted to get clean. Do you really want to go back to day 1 again? I'm pretty sure this relapse will only ignite a beast that craves your drug of choice?
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Vela welcome to the forum
you dont use because you dont want to really
hit an Na mtn in london heres an Na meeting search link good luck http://ukna.org/meetings-search
you dont use because you dont want to really
hit an Na mtn in london heres an Na meeting search link good luck http://ukna.org/meetings-search
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Thank you, this is all very helpful. I haven't joined NA or AA, but am encouraged to by my therapist who I see twice a week. I've been doing well, but the holidays and travel I think just kicked the cravings up for me. I don't want to go back to day 1. I think I need to say it out loud, that I want to use, to take some of the power away. It's when I think about it, but don't tell anyone, that I can rationalize it and justify it in my head. My fiancé is amazing and helps me talk through cravings. It's just surprising sometimes how incredibly strong the desire is. It nearly takes my breath away. Thanks, all.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Trying to ignore or bury the urges only makes them seem that much more powerful. I've found confronting them , bringing them and their empty promises, lies and justification into the light of day and dismissing them weakens their resolve and strengths mine against them. Recognize them , deny the pitiful rationalizations and justifications , acknowledge the experience and don't act on them, the acting on them is where all your power is. When they come squash em , you got this.
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