Thank you, this is all very helpful. I haven't joined NA or AA, but am encouraged to by my therapist who I see twice a week. I've been doing well, but the holidays and travel I think just kicked the cravings up for me. I don't want to go back to day 1. I think I need to say it out loud, that I want to use, to take some of the power away. It's when I think about it, but don't tell anyone, that I can rationalize it and justify it in my head. My fiancé is amazing and helps me talk through cravings. It's just surprising sometimes how incredibly strong the desire is. It nearly takes my breath away. Thanks, all.