My Recovery Plan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
My Recovery Plan
Hi everyone, I have never done this before but I promised myself that when I completed my first week as a non-drinker I would post my plan. Not that I am looking for feedback on it but rather because I want to know that I have said this to the outside world…nailed it on my front door, so to speak. Breaking it would therefore make me lose face (I am not Chinese but live in China) and make it harder to take. So here I go:
Attitude towards alcohol
Drinking has destroyed the last 25 years of my life. In many respects I am lucky to have been able to keep things together but some terrible things have happened to me and they have ALL been linked to alcohol. I will NEVER drink again, under any circumstances for the rest of my life. EVER. I will not allow any situation to develop that allows my AV to convince me that having a drink is ok. It is not ok and it will never be ok. Period. When I am sober and not drinking I can handle whatever tough times come my way, when drinking I cannot even handle day-to-day life.
Friends and support
I will confide in my wife and one other friend. All the gory details and nothing covered up. They will be my go to day to day support who I can trust 100% and I know they love me. Nobody else will know or needs to know. They will just see a happier, healthier, stronger guy who just doesn’t drink anymore. Nobody will know the hell I have conquered, this will be a source of inner strength for me.
I will come to SR as frequently as I can and seek support when I need it and help as often as I can. It has become part of my motivation now to beat this so that I can be more qualified to help others do the same.
Lifestyle changes
- I need to find a new hobby and make some new friends. I won’t put myself under too much pressure here but it is important
- Any friend whom I have only drank with in the past year needs to go (ie no non-drinking activities or time) or at a minimum I need to break from them for the next 6 months and then decide whether there is a place for them in my new life. Sounds mercenary, it is. Sorry about that but there is no other way
- Friends I have met and spent time with away from my drinking life can stay and I will invest more time in them
- I have an urge to start a new side business. I will NOT do this until I am 6 months sober. The emotions can run too high and I fear it would hurt not help
- I used to ridicule “normal” people who would go home after work and watch tv all evening “wasting” their life. I will do a lot more of this
- I love to go to the gym and train. I ran my half marathon PB six years ago. 12 months from now I will have beaten this time or had a lot of fun trying
- I will be there to be kind and caring towards my wife and two sons. I won’t spoil them in gifts or feel too guilty about the past. I will just be there and be loving and caring towards them
Dealing with triggers
Here are my primary triggers to drink and how I will handle them:
- First thing after work going to bar and drinking all night or going home but picking up a bottle of wine to have innocently after dinner that leads to three bottles before passing out at 4am - I will deal with this by making plans with somebody for immediately after work. Leave no space to get distracted. My wife has been asked to freak out if I arrive home with wine or beers.
- Celebrating something good or using alcohol to reward myself. This is a major trigger for me. I will deal with this by starting a “reward” fund. Into this fund I will put 2/3 of the money that I used to spend drinking. I will use the money to buy luxuries and treats for my family. I tend to be a saver and not a spender so I don’t tend to buy expensive things. This fund will be used to provide a little luxury, which I would never allow myself in the past. When something good happens that I want to celebrate I will celebrate by doubling my savings for the week in this fund. I will spend it whenever my wife or like on whatever we like and without the slightest feeling of guilt. The drink will buy me these things. Thanks AV.
- Business trips. I tend to love to travel somewhere new for work and then add on a weekend and walk around all day drinking from bar to bar and then drink all night. A new location, anonymity, money in your pocket, the excitement of the unknown and no limit to my drinking. The perfect exotic cocktail. I work in Asia so there have been some utterly amazing experiences. I will deal with this by ensuring that I have made contact with work colleagues ahead of time to act as tour guides and companions. I will tell them that I like to see the big sights but also the seedier sides of town and to just hang out. I know I will not drink in their company as I will not risk my job. The added benefit is that I will get to know them better
- The innocent one or two beers over dinner with work colleagues or friends. I will simply remind myself that this is a major weakness and be on high alert. I will print this plan and carry it with me and highlight this paragraph – so a note for when I read this again: don’t be soo stupid, don’t drink
Final points worth remembering when I reread this:
- You are a kinder, more compassionate and capable person when you do not drink. When you drink you are warm and funny but you cannot control it and the drink ends up hurting you badly.
- Nobody will ever know how bad this problem became so when you are sober and happy NEVER forget how bad it was. Remember that last bender in particular. Remember what you did and how it felt. Nobody was happier or got help that time. Your wife got hurt, luckily not badly but next time could be worse. NEVER let it happen again
- Alcohol has become deeply entwined in your life. You have built your life around it. Therefore there will be many times when you will be tempted to drink, some obvious and some subtle. Your AV is a sadistic, insidious, nasty, sly SOB and he will be waiting for you to have a weak moment. Do not give in to him
- You have helped so many people in so many ways in these past years and you have so much more ahead of you. Please don’t jeopardize this by being selfish and stupid enough to give it up to the drink
Attitude towards alcohol
Drinking has destroyed the last 25 years of my life. In many respects I am lucky to have been able to keep things together but some terrible things have happened to me and they have ALL been linked to alcohol. I will NEVER drink again, under any circumstances for the rest of my life. EVER. I will not allow any situation to develop that allows my AV to convince me that having a drink is ok. It is not ok and it will never be ok. Period. When I am sober and not drinking I can handle whatever tough times come my way, when drinking I cannot even handle day-to-day life.
Friends and support
I will confide in my wife and one other friend. All the gory details and nothing covered up. They will be my go to day to day support who I can trust 100% and I know they love me. Nobody else will know or needs to know. They will just see a happier, healthier, stronger guy who just doesn’t drink anymore. Nobody will know the hell I have conquered, this will be a source of inner strength for me.
I will come to SR as frequently as I can and seek support when I need it and help as often as I can. It has become part of my motivation now to beat this so that I can be more qualified to help others do the same.
Lifestyle changes
- I need to find a new hobby and make some new friends. I won’t put myself under too much pressure here but it is important
- Any friend whom I have only drank with in the past year needs to go (ie no non-drinking activities or time) or at a minimum I need to break from them for the next 6 months and then decide whether there is a place for them in my new life. Sounds mercenary, it is. Sorry about that but there is no other way
- Friends I have met and spent time with away from my drinking life can stay and I will invest more time in them
- I have an urge to start a new side business. I will NOT do this until I am 6 months sober. The emotions can run too high and I fear it would hurt not help
- I used to ridicule “normal” people who would go home after work and watch tv all evening “wasting” their life. I will do a lot more of this
- I love to go to the gym and train. I ran my half marathon PB six years ago. 12 months from now I will have beaten this time or had a lot of fun trying
- I will be there to be kind and caring towards my wife and two sons. I won’t spoil them in gifts or feel too guilty about the past. I will just be there and be loving and caring towards them
Dealing with triggers
Here are my primary triggers to drink and how I will handle them:
- First thing after work going to bar and drinking all night or going home but picking up a bottle of wine to have innocently after dinner that leads to three bottles before passing out at 4am - I will deal with this by making plans with somebody for immediately after work. Leave no space to get distracted. My wife has been asked to freak out if I arrive home with wine or beers.
- Celebrating something good or using alcohol to reward myself. This is a major trigger for me. I will deal with this by starting a “reward” fund. Into this fund I will put 2/3 of the money that I used to spend drinking. I will use the money to buy luxuries and treats for my family. I tend to be a saver and not a spender so I don’t tend to buy expensive things. This fund will be used to provide a little luxury, which I would never allow myself in the past. When something good happens that I want to celebrate I will celebrate by doubling my savings for the week in this fund. I will spend it whenever my wife or like on whatever we like and without the slightest feeling of guilt. The drink will buy me these things. Thanks AV.
- Business trips. I tend to love to travel somewhere new for work and then add on a weekend and walk around all day drinking from bar to bar and then drink all night. A new location, anonymity, money in your pocket, the excitement of the unknown and no limit to my drinking. The perfect exotic cocktail. I work in Asia so there have been some utterly amazing experiences. I will deal with this by ensuring that I have made contact with work colleagues ahead of time to act as tour guides and companions. I will tell them that I like to see the big sights but also the seedier sides of town and to just hang out. I know I will not drink in their company as I will not risk my job. The added benefit is that I will get to know them better
- The innocent one or two beers over dinner with work colleagues or friends. I will simply remind myself that this is a major weakness and be on high alert. I will print this plan and carry it with me and highlight this paragraph – so a note for when I read this again: don’t be soo stupid, don’t drink
Final points worth remembering when I reread this:
- You are a kinder, more compassionate and capable person when you do not drink. When you drink you are warm and funny but you cannot control it and the drink ends up hurting you badly.
- Nobody will ever know how bad this problem became so when you are sober and happy NEVER forget how bad it was. Remember that last bender in particular. Remember what you did and how it felt. Nobody was happier or got help that time. Your wife got hurt, luckily not badly but next time could be worse. NEVER let it happen again
- Alcohol has become deeply entwined in your life. You have built your life around it. Therefore there will be many times when you will be tempted to drink, some obvious and some subtle. Your AV is a sadistic, insidious, nasty, sly SOB and he will be waiting for you to have a weak moment. Do not give in to him
- You have helped so many people in so many ways in these past years and you have so much more ahead of you. Please don’t jeopardize this by being selfish and stupid enough to give it up to the drink
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
You been tubbing' it - this is a well thought out plan. How about your 1, 5 and 10 year proposals? Just kidding.
My initial thoughts:
You will hear this from most if not all, is to be gentle with yourself. Stay solid in your commitment to not drink, ever, for anyone or anything, but especially for yourself. Check out the secular recovery, AVRT forum here on SR. Try to find someone in real life, if possible, other than your wife who will help keep you accountable. Again, be gentle with yourself. Solid goals are great as benchmarks, but allow for the surprise factor as you discover new things about yourself. Try to be flexible like the reed that bends with the wind. Look into H.A.L.T. stay well-hydrated, well-slept. Take good care of yourself.
Stay logged into SR! Hop on here as needed.
My initial thoughts:
You will hear this from most if not all, is to be gentle with yourself. Stay solid in your commitment to not drink, ever, for anyone or anything, but especially for yourself. Check out the secular recovery, AVRT forum here on SR. Try to find someone in real life, if possible, other than your wife who will help keep you accountable. Again, be gentle with yourself. Solid goals are great as benchmarks, but allow for the surprise factor as you discover new things about yourself. Try to be flexible like the reed that bends with the wind. Look into H.A.L.T. stay well-hydrated, well-slept. Take good care of yourself.
Stay logged into SR! Hop on here as needed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Thanks. I have read a lot this past week about AVRT and I liked it immediately. I don't know HALT. Will check it out today. Thanks for the note to be gentle to myself, I will be. I know my plan sounds all business and military but it's just how I am getting organized. I always made excuses to myself before for drinking so I am try to call this one as directly as possible. When it has come to listening to my AV in the past I really have been lazy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,329
I agree: well thought out and articulated! I am still very new at this (8 weeks in on Tuesday), but believe that having a plan--a positive plan--has really made a difference in my attitude. The not drinking is, of course, fundamental, but really the first step.
Do be gentle with yourself and flexible. And do treat yourself: you deserve it. Bravo!
Do be gentle with yourself and flexible. And do treat yourself: you deserve it. Bravo!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northern Australia
Posts: 197
This inspires me. I have always made recovery plans but looking back they were always a bit vague and short sighted. I like how you've laid this out so clearly. Thanks, I'm going to prepare one myself.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Wow, impressive! It reads like a business proposal, which is probably a great thing if that's how your mind works. I admire your single-minded commitment to your sobriety. I really hope it all works out for you exactly as written. Take good care of yourself. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by josharon 
Wow, impressive! It reads like a business proposal, which is probably a great thing if that's how your mind works. I admire your single-minded commitment to your sobriety. I really hope it all works out for you exactly as written. Take good care of yourself.
Kind of like in business when you sign a contract with someone and they try to move the goals posts or squeeze something new out of the deal....what do you do? You check the contract and show them why it is not acceptable. It gives you the confidence to say no. Thats kind of what I am trying to do. I hope that it gives me some additional firepower.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
I know you're not looking for feedback but I wanted to commend your effort at accountabilty. It's a very organized, well thought out plan. Kudos!
I found these 2 things humorous, but good ideas none the less!
H.A.L.T =
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Triggers to be on the look out for.
* My wife has been asked to freak out if I arrive home with wine or beers.
* I used to ridicule "normal" people who would go home and watch tv all evening "wasting" their life. I will do a lot more of this.
* I used to ridicule "normal" people who would go home and watch tv all evening "wasting" their life. I will do a lot more of this.
H.A.L.T =
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Triggers to be on the look out for.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 174
Gypsytears,
I know about all the triggers because I feel them myself. I dont know how many times, in the past, that i have buckled under these pressures. I am constantly without people to talk to, get angry about ordinary things (drinking never helped this), on a diet (hungry), ya get the picture, and thanks for posting that because i need to be more aware of my triggers like i was last night when things were stressing me and i was alone, it was killin me, its like the drink gets in my head, and i try to avoid thinking about it and keep counting down the hours till next day.
Deuces and thanks for putting that in perspective
I know about all the triggers because I feel them myself. I dont know how many times, in the past, that i have buckled under these pressures. I am constantly without people to talk to, get angry about ordinary things (drinking never helped this), on a diet (hungry), ya get the picture, and thanks for posting that because i need to be more aware of my triggers like i was last night when things were stressing me and i was alone, it was killin me, its like the drink gets in my head, and i try to avoid thinking about it and keep counting down the hours till next day.
Deuces and thanks for putting that in perspective
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 174
Ubntubnt,
I love your PLAN, it is AMAZING. I wish i was better at writing/ typing because it looks like you took the thoughts out of my head. I have spent sooo much money on drinking that i will go in the negative on my bank account just to spend at the liquor store instead of being responsible or spending the money in a much better way (ie fixing my car, the house, or my horrible hairdo lol). You could have never said all those things better: BRAVO, well done.
I love your PLAN, it is AMAZING. I wish i was better at writing/ typing because it looks like you took the thoughts out of my head. I have spent sooo much money on drinking that i will go in the negative on my bank account just to spend at the liquor store instead of being responsible or spending the money in a much better way (ie fixing my car, the house, or my horrible hairdo lol). You could have never said all those things better: BRAVO, well done.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Originally Posted by maggpie666999
Ubntubnt, I love your PLAN, it is AMAZING. I wish i was better at writing/ typing because it looks like you took the thoughts out of my head. I have spent sooo much money on drinking that i will go in the negative on my bank account just to spend at the liquor store instead of being responsible or spending the money in a much better way (ie fixing my car, the house, or my horrible hairdo lol). You could have never said all those things better: BRAVO, well done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 124
Ubn,
I think your plan is great -- I have the same type of brain, I need things laid out in a logical orderly way, so the plan made perfect sense to me. Especially putting the money away and using it for things to make your family happy.
Congratulations on moving forward - you're totally on your way.
I think your plan is great -- I have the same type of brain, I need things laid out in a logical orderly way, so the plan made perfect sense to me. Especially putting the money away and using it for things to make your family happy.
Congratulations on moving forward - you're totally on your way.
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