Thatdeliveryguy

Annihilating the annihilator, I will anniliate myself if given the chance, now I have to live a facsimile of my old reality. The acid tripping drunk gambling fool. The reality of realities, the sober life, my sober life. The life I want and need holy @#$ does this suck, holding on with every part of my being.

A sober day, a day of nothingness. Having to face myself, having to be someone that no wants to be.... Living with me, this man has done so much damage. Living with me hurts. What the hell, riding sobriety like it was in style. A @#$ dummy, trying to try this hurts, I am waning to drink, I am looking to trip the kaleidoscope, the escape make it all go away. Its all gone, everything is gone its Jeremy, fighting me. Don't drink, it will kill you, but what the hell? Why this, why now, sober I am, but what a mind trip. Dying inside.

Took my @#$#$% pills, they silence the voices, the pills they're my reprieve from a crazy mind. A mind that controls itself, a mind that tells itself to destruct. A mind filled with fear, a self destructiveness.

This day, my day, a day of pure hell. Holding on, going to get help Monday, but torturing myself. The wife is gone, she left after a fight, she told me I am a " mental case". I suppose I am.....

Gotta do this, make it one day, everything sucks its all black and bleak, no hope here. The calvary will be here tomorrow, if I make the call, the call... The time I tell someone I tripping balls off the rails and need help. The call where I tell them I am a drunken fool, can't stop me, I am schizophrenic live in alternate reality.


Shaking and sweaty, riding out the detox, afraid and hopeful but my hope hinges on the decision to go inpatient and tell them I am @#$@#$ crazy and need help.

I have to make it through today thinking about calling the detox center, and telling them I am losing my mind and need help. Detox sucks, I am left here with my own thoughts, everyone is gone I am alone. I am sober but this is so real, my thought are consuming me. Living with the damage I've done is crazy.

What I can say, sober and crazy. Yeah took the pills, I hate the pills, I don't want the pills. Just today, got to survive today, just today and tomorrow I make a call. Shaky and sweaty, sober and hating it, I need something to survive today. Tossed the alcohol its my demise, but suffering.

Just Jeremy's thoughts suffering and having to live with me, today is hard.... Sorry for such a depressing post, its my reality. Just under 18 hours and I can make call, but sitting here and wanting to drink. This sucks, why am I such an addict, why can't I control me?

Good day, thanks for reading, being honest what more can one say, I am posting because I need to make it through the day. Just one day.....

biminiblue

Call. Right. Now.

LBrain

"hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." Shawshank Redemption

stay strong J

suki44883

Jeremy, detoxing in a medical setting is much easier than trying to tough it out alone. Go ahead and call the detox facility now. Chances are they can get you in today and you won't have to suffer alone.

LexieCat

You have the choice not to suffer like this. Call for detox. In a few days you will feel much better. I'm not sure what all the drama is about. You don't get extra points for needless suffering.

Aellyce

You probably hate your meds at least in part because they are not working too well to manage you. The kind of violent mood swings you seem to have daily... Most likely if you sought the professional help you say you need, they would also help find a med regime that could make you more stable. But nothing will work well as long as you keep drinking and not doing anything about it. It'll only get worse and worse as it has already been... and there are points of no return, Jeremy. One day that chance of tomorrow won't exist anymore.

Carlotta

You really don't sound good Jeremy and like the others I am concerned for you. Unless you are striving for martyrdom, there is nothing wrong with asking for medical help, why go through needless sufferings? Make that call please.

sprout50

Jeremy, can you go to the ER? I think you need to.

Soberwolf

Jeremy make the call

Im so worried when your like this

Gilmer

Just call quickly. Just up and do it--don't think. Just call or go to the ER. Stop thinking and just do it!

growpath

I am with the other posters here delivery. I came to this site when you were of a sober mind....this thread is not even close to that person I saw then.

I agree with everyone else go to detox, ER, WHATEVER IT TAKES to get some time under your belt. You will feel much better once you do. Unfortunately in this case the only way out is gonna be through. You CAN do this!!! You HAVE to do this!

I wish you well <3

Fiona630

Call and go! At least in inpatient they can help you with your pills. They can monitor you and figure out what you really need. Please go!

NHTransplant

Call or go to the ER. They'll understand. You need to be somewhere with support NOW.

Chillly

Dude.. I've been where you are and have felt what you're feeling right now....

Get professional help immediately!!!

You are not unique... you are feeling the same way that many many others have already felt..

You are not the first person to feel this way.. You are not the only one. There are professional people out there who know how to help people who are going through what you're going through right now.

Let these people help you

tomsteve

Jeremy,you are going through the same cycle you have done since you have been here- lots of talk and little action, as in making the calls to get into rehab.
We can only offer advise. Can't hold yer hand and do it for you.Quit playing Russian roulette and make the calls necessary to get the help you need, and hopefully want. Your way doesn't seem to read to be working very good.
You are worth it.

Dee74

I'm really sorry to see you in pain like this TDG.
I can't believe this is really the life you want.

Make some calls man - and follow through.

D

HenryKrinkle

TDG - I can see you are in pain right now. It doesn't have to be like this. If you seek the professional help that you need, you don't have to feel like this. Use that as motivation to get the help you need.

readerbaby71

Psychiatric hospitals are open 24/7. Find one in your city now and go there. You have a life-threatening mental illness and addiction. This is not going to stop unless you get serious help from professionals who understand your disease. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it is time to take action and commit yourself to intensive treatment.