Things we tell ourselves....
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Things we tell ourselves....
Have you begun to pay attention to the things you tell yourself?
If you're like me, a lot of those things aren't very nice.
If you're like me... you're pretty good at lifting others up, offering compliments and support, comforting, giving to people... friends, family, strangers.
If you're like me, you're less good at seeing when YOU need comfort, support, encouragement, love. You're less good at remembering to pat yourself on the back.
If you're like me, you're actually quite good at giving yourself a really hard time. You might not even notice yourself doing it. Sitting there, in the corner of your mind, barely below the surface and chanting; "not good enough, incapable, a fraud, worthless, bad...."
If you're like me, you'd never ever say these things to yourself, REALLY. You don't believe them consciously. If someone suggested them, you might even have argued how ridiculous that was to even think!
If you're like me.... it might be time to start learning to develop compassion for yourself. It might be high time to learn to better recognize that You who sits in judgement of You.... and start learning to change that voice to one who supports, comforts and loves you.....
If you're like me, a lot of those things aren't very nice.
If you're like me... you're pretty good at lifting others up, offering compliments and support, comforting, giving to people... friends, family, strangers.
If you're like me, you're less good at seeing when YOU need comfort, support, encouragement, love. You're less good at remembering to pat yourself on the back.
If you're like me, you're actually quite good at giving yourself a really hard time. You might not even notice yourself doing it. Sitting there, in the corner of your mind, barely below the surface and chanting; "not good enough, incapable, a fraud, worthless, bad...."
If you're like me, you'd never ever say these things to yourself, REALLY. You don't believe them consciously. If someone suggested them, you might even have argued how ridiculous that was to even think!
If you're like me.... it might be time to start learning to develop compassion for yourself. It might be high time to learn to better recognize that You who sits in judgement of You.... and start learning to change that voice to one who supports, comforts and loves you.....
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I relate to some of these self-loathing thoughts, FreeOwl. I feel it's a habit that can be just as hard to break as drinking, if we have been doing it for years, decades...
One of my approaches trying to change this is consciously changing the inner dialogue, I force myself even if I don't believe it at first. I even write these down so that I can look at it from the outside. Kinda similar to writing gratitude lists, but what I write down is my own negative thoughts consciously transformed into positive ones. Sometimes it really helps calm me down.
Another approach, which can be much more powerful for me, is asking myself what sort of realistic actions would make me feel like a good person and make me feel good about myself. And then try to do some of them and try to focus on them instead of just going through the motions. I also find that physical activity is probably better than anything else in stopping these negative thought processes, something that engages both my body and my mind. For me, getting involved in things with both my physical and mental presence is the best, much more effective than trying to process things purely mentally. The thing is that all this stuff takes time to really start to be effective, it's a process like recovery from alcoholism and sometimes we get impatient and want results fast; it rarely works that way.
One of my problems is that often I get hung up on really small, quite insignificant things and thoughts, and fail to recognize the many positive changes in my life or take them for granted. And often recognize them with a relatively long delay because I focus too much on what's wrong and improvement, instead of what good things lie in front of me.
I can tell you that based on your posts, you really are doing a lot of hard and great work on yourself and in your recovery! Keep it up even if you don't feel the effect on a daily basis!
One of my approaches trying to change this is consciously changing the inner dialogue, I force myself even if I don't believe it at first. I even write these down so that I can look at it from the outside. Kinda similar to writing gratitude lists, but what I write down is my own negative thoughts consciously transformed into positive ones. Sometimes it really helps calm me down.
Another approach, which can be much more powerful for me, is asking myself what sort of realistic actions would make me feel like a good person and make me feel good about myself. And then try to do some of them and try to focus on them instead of just going through the motions. I also find that physical activity is probably better than anything else in stopping these negative thought processes, something that engages both my body and my mind. For me, getting involved in things with both my physical and mental presence is the best, much more effective than trying to process things purely mentally. The thing is that all this stuff takes time to really start to be effective, it's a process like recovery from alcoholism and sometimes we get impatient and want results fast; it rarely works that way.
One of my problems is that often I get hung up on really small, quite insignificant things and thoughts, and fail to recognize the many positive changes in my life or take them for granted. And often recognize them with a relatively long delay because I focus too much on what's wrong and improvement, instead of what good things lie in front of me.
I can tell you that based on your posts, you really are doing a lot of hard and great work on yourself and in your recovery! Keep it up even if you don't feel the effect on a daily basis!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
I think it's very important to be aware of what we tell ouselves.
One time I realized how cruel I was being to myself and it stopped me in my tracks. It was heartbreaking!
I actually started talking to myself, like "oh, hunny I'm soooo sorry. Never again."
It's a cruel world, and there are plenty of people who can treat us like crap. We shouldn't do it to ourselves.
One time I realized how cruel I was being to myself and it stopped me in my tracks. It was heartbreaking!
I actually started talking to myself, like "oh, hunny I'm soooo sorry. Never again."
It's a cruel world, and there are plenty of people who can treat us like crap. We shouldn't do it to ourselves.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
thanks haennie...
it's because of the work that I'm even seeing this stuff... in doing the steps, in talking to my Lady... sharing my inner self.... sharing my journey... in therapy with my counselor.... in journaling.
I'm starting to see it. Srtarting to work with accepting it.
It can actually be very small, subtle things. Little 'judgements' of myself that I never even realized I was doing. Carrying the weight of the fears and anxieties and messages of my childhood. Carrying my father's wounds that I picked up from him. Carrying the wounds of experiences in life that gave me internal 'evidence' of my failures and shortcomings.... being mean to myself by quietly, internally affirming that no matter what I do I'm not good enough. That my worth is conditional.....
I think it is probably a very common thing.
I'm trying to learn how to not try and push those thoughts away, but to notice them, to offer myself love and comfort, to just affirm them and embrace me with caring acceptance.
Seems like that should be easy..... but it runs deep....
it's because of the work that I'm even seeing this stuff... in doing the steps, in talking to my Lady... sharing my inner self.... sharing my journey... in therapy with my counselor.... in journaling.
I'm starting to see it. Srtarting to work with accepting it.
It can actually be very small, subtle things. Little 'judgements' of myself that I never even realized I was doing. Carrying the weight of the fears and anxieties and messages of my childhood. Carrying my father's wounds that I picked up from him. Carrying the wounds of experiences in life that gave me internal 'evidence' of my failures and shortcomings.... being mean to myself by quietly, internally affirming that no matter what I do I'm not good enough. That my worth is conditional.....
I think it is probably a very common thing.
I'm trying to learn how to not try and push those thoughts away, but to notice them, to offer myself love and comfort, to just affirm them and embrace me with caring acceptance.
Seems like that should be easy..... but it runs deep....
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Originally Posted by soberwolf 
I think your awesome freeowl
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Originally Posted by DoloresHaze
I think it's very important to be aware of what we tell ouselves.
One time I realized how cruel I was being to myself and it stopped me in my tracks. It was heartbreaking!
I actually started talking to myself, like "oh, hunny I'm soooo sorry. Never again."
It's a cruel world, and there are plenty of people who can treat us like crap. We shouldn't do it to ourselves.
One time I realized how cruel I was being to myself and it stopped me in my tracks. It was heartbreaking!
I actually started talking to myself, like "oh, hunny I'm soooo sorry. Never again."
It's a cruel world, and there are plenty of people who can treat us like crap. We shouldn't do it to ourselves.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
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Thanks Freeowl, great post.
A lot of times I tell myself that so and so is thinking that I'm a bad person or any of a million other negative things about me when in fact, those around me are no where near as judgmental or harsh as I am on myself.
A lot of times I tell myself that so and so is thinking that I'm a bad person or any of a million other negative things about me when in fact, those around me are no where near as judgmental or harsh as I am on myself.
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Have you begun to pay attention to the things you tell yourself?
If you're like me, a lot of those things aren't very nice.
If you're like me, a lot of those things aren't very nice.
AND THEN.. up pops the minimizer, denier ... "oh c'mon, you're being too sensitive for pete's sake. Lighten up!. Why do you have to make everything something".
It's a circus in there.
Great post Freeowl. Thank you.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
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I'm just becoming concious of my inner dialogue these days.
But then I forget half the time to listen out for it....
Hopefully that will get better in time....
Both my parents are in there...
Thank you Free Owl for reminding me to be more aware.
But then I forget half the time to listen out for it....
Hopefully that will get better in time....
Both my parents are in there...
Thank you Free Owl for reminding me to be more aware.
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Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by JanieJ
I'm just becoming concious of my inner dialogue these days.
But then I forget half the time to listen out for it....
Hopefully that will get better in time....
Both my parents are in there...
Thank you Free Owl for reminding me to be more aware.
But then I forget half the time to listen out for it....
Hopefully that will get better in time....
Both my parents are in there...
Thank you Free Owl for reminding me to be more aware.
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