Hello from Day 65
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 48
Hello from Day 65
Hello,
I posted an earlier message which was more of a vent, so I thought I should post more about my story and where I'm at so far.
I stopped drinking on 9/8/14. I had been thinking about it for a while and then at the end of August our dog got very sick. The first night that she was sick I had been drinking all evening. I took her out to use the bathroom and when we returned to the house she collapsed in the living room. I was in no shape to drive and my husband was in denial, thinking she would get better. She did make it through the night but we had to put her down a few days later. It was a mass on her spleen - there was nothing that could have been done. But, the sad truth is that I wasn't fully present for her last few days on earth with us because of alcohol. The more I thought about that, the more I realized that I haven't been fully present for a very long time. Years. So many years wasted on alcohol, hiding from things that I really needed to deal with instead of running from them.
So, I quit drinking. I didn't think much about how to quit or what would happen to me. I had eye twitches for a few weeks. I developed severe left side stomach/abdominal pain and malabsorption (turned out to be gastritis and is very slowly getting better). My libido is non-existent. I lost about 12 lbs. Emotionally, I have had a lot of grief for my lost/damaged relationships and for my wasted health. I am 37 years old. I know that fortunately my body will make a recovery from the damage I've done but I am so angry with myself. I'm going to various doctor appointments (GYN, Internal Medicine, Gastro, Pysch...) and making sure I am okay. It feels good to be taking responsibility for myself.
I have not had cravings to drink. Every time I think of alcohol I am repulsed. There have been a few times that I wish I could escape this difficult process of detoxing and healing my body and mind, but I am not ashamed to admit that allowing myself to cry has carried me through those times. I just tell myself that I only have to get through this hour, just one hour at a time.
I was raised around alcoholics and for a long time associated them with alcoholism. They were loud, smelled like booze, looked like crap, fought all the time, couldn't hold a job. I never thought of myself as "one of them", until I was. This continues to be the most humbling process of my entire life.
Thank you for this forum. Although I haven't really posted much here I have spent hours, days, reading everything you all have shared and it has carried me through some dark moments.
I posted an earlier message which was more of a vent, so I thought I should post more about my story and where I'm at so far.
I stopped drinking on 9/8/14. I had been thinking about it for a while and then at the end of August our dog got very sick. The first night that she was sick I had been drinking all evening. I took her out to use the bathroom and when we returned to the house she collapsed in the living room. I was in no shape to drive and my husband was in denial, thinking she would get better. She did make it through the night but we had to put her down a few days later. It was a mass on her spleen - there was nothing that could have been done. But, the sad truth is that I wasn't fully present for her last few days on earth with us because of alcohol. The more I thought about that, the more I realized that I haven't been fully present for a very long time. Years. So many years wasted on alcohol, hiding from things that I really needed to deal with instead of running from them.
So, I quit drinking. I didn't think much about how to quit or what would happen to me. I had eye twitches for a few weeks. I developed severe left side stomach/abdominal pain and malabsorption (turned out to be gastritis and is very slowly getting better). My libido is non-existent. I lost about 12 lbs. Emotionally, I have had a lot of grief for my lost/damaged relationships and for my wasted health. I am 37 years old. I know that fortunately my body will make a recovery from the damage I've done but I am so angry with myself. I'm going to various doctor appointments (GYN, Internal Medicine, Gastro, Pysch...) and making sure I am okay. It feels good to be taking responsibility for myself.
I have not had cravings to drink. Every time I think of alcohol I am repulsed. There have been a few times that I wish I could escape this difficult process of detoxing and healing my body and mind, but I am not ashamed to admit that allowing myself to cry has carried me through those times. I just tell myself that I only have to get through this hour, just one hour at a time.
I was raised around alcoholics and for a long time associated them with alcoholism. They were loud, smelled like booze, looked like crap, fought all the time, couldn't hold a job. I never thought of myself as "one of them", until I was. This continues to be the most humbling process of my entire life.
Thank you for this forum. Although I haven't really posted much here I have spent hours, days, reading everything you all have shared and it has carried me through some dark moments.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Nicely done Chrysalides. 
I remember feeling so much better in the 2nd month.
I, too, never dreamed I'd allow myself to go so low. No control once that first drink gets in my system - wish it hadn't taken me so long to get it.
I remember feeling so much better in the 2nd month. I, too, never dreamed I'd allow myself to go so low. No control once that first drink gets in my system - wish it hadn't taken me so long to get it.
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