Newpathway

I am 3.5 months sober and besides fatigue I suddenly feel emotionally different as though my spirit is re awakening. And with it a sudden feeling of intense loneliness that I've heard is part of recovery. I don't yet feel like being terribly social and am not ready for or wanting to look for a new man but at the same time I'm lonely in my home. I haven't lived alone for 30 years and even then it was only for a few months.

The feeling of loneliness is overwhelming at times. I'm trying to see it as necessary and temporary but honestly I can't imagine this feeling ever going away.

I'm doing some behaviors and hoping it will change how I feel. I'm painting a few rooms, redecorating and crocheting. I'm doing some walking and getting out and about more.



Has anyone out there gone through this tunnel and come out the other end feeling better for it?

Rachinator

I feel pretty lonely as well. I don't live alone but it feels like it. I hope we can figure it out together

Nowsthetime

Totally normal in early sobriety. Keep strong and your path will open. This time you are re-meeting yourself. 3 months is great. For me the 3 month mark was when it got more real. The loneliness will not last forever and you will come out on top if you keep going. Be proud! You have made all this happen!!!

jagger2012

firstly i would say I'm sorry for your feelings of loneliness but I would try to use the time "alone" to look inward and concentrate on what makes YOU tick inside. I think most folks like us don't hardly ever spend much time in our lives truly feeling whats going on inside of us...I believe we have to eventually be OK with being alone, learn introspection, learn to make ourselves happy, learn to treat ourselves as we might our best friend, and have hope!

Sounds like you are doing some positive things...the outdoors always helps me when I'm blue and staying productive, like your room painting...I think thats great and know I'm sending you positive thoughts this morning!

Dee74

Hi Newpathway

I think the key is building a new life, finding new friends, etc.

Have you thought of volunteering in your community perhaps?

D

least

I live alone and used to feel lonely until I started feeling good about myself. My dad used to say "when you're alone, at least you know you're in good company". Now I'm comfortable being alone but since I have two dogs and four cats I'm never really alone.

Newpathway

Thank you all so much for your very thoughtful and reassuring replies!! Words cannot express how you have made my day begin on a far more positive and hopeful note. I'm very grateful!

JT0626

One thing I am learning on this journey is that we will need to recreate a new relationship with ourselves. We must learn to be OK with our own company. Start going out by yoruself....go to lunch just yourself, get comfortable with your own presence. Once you start recreating your new found relationship with yourself, you won't notice the loneliness. As a matter of fact, you'll be in the best company....yourself.

I am at the loneliness stage too. In my case it's a little different because I have a husband & we were drinking partners. Now that I haven't had a drink in a week, I am feeling lonely. My loneliness stems from the fact that I would love to have a nice conversation with my husband, but it's kind of hard to talk to a drunk.

So I have been doing things for myself, getting active, & trying to lose this ridiculous weight I have gained. Re-establishing my relationship with myself.

aliencat

Thank you for your post, Newpathway. I can relate. I don't have many solutions, as I'm going through the same thing right now, but I'm here if you ever want to talk

It sounds like you're doing all the right things, and you've inspired me to pick up a new hobby as well. I'm going to look into taking an art class or perhaps start volunteering again. That's all thanks to you.

phoebe64

I could have written what JT did. I get very lonely everytime I try to get sober.

I guess that shows me who my best friend was? Not a good one(the wine).

luvmygirls

All I can offer is this: The grass is always greener. As much as I love my loud, rowdy family, I would give anything for a moment of peace some days...to be able to eat when I need to, sleep when I need to, and not constantly be attending to the needs of others. And the noise...OMG the noise...my boys and my husband don't talk as much as they yell, fight, scream, wrestle, demand food, etc. I completely hear you about your feelings of loneliness, but I am suggesting that in early sobriety, a happy medium might be nice. Hang in there, and take good care.

phoebe64

Jo, one thing I have it lots of peace and quiet, usually. We are a quiet bunch, and we all need to recharge if we go out, or travel. I am grateful for that, and very aware of how fortunate I am that we are all well matched in that regard.

Though, actually, my daily drinking escalated when my 10yo son was a baby/toddler. he could get very loud and squawky, and together, the kids could get into fights, loud, etc... I was alone a lot too, with my husband travelling. Wine smoothed the rough edges. To bring that full circle to this discussion, loneliness was a big part of that time as well.

i wish I could give you my quiet home for a day or a week! I get very stressed out with loud noise, loud people. I think it is sensory issues. Hated it even as a child, like a bday party at a McDonalds. Ugh. Nails on a chalkboard for me.

In the past here, in another group, we talked a fair amount about how many of us(alcoholics) are introverts. The alcohol(or drugs) dull our senses and make life more bearable. Until it doesn't of course.

Aellyce

I've never had that acute sense of loneliness in my life except once during a major depressive episode, which occurred more than a year before I quit drinking for good - it was very disturbing and foreign to me to feel that way. I think it's at least in part because I'm an only child and lived by myself most of my life, with only shorter (1-2 year) periods of domestic relationships a few times. I'm also quite introverted by nature, not really shy but I am good with my own company and don't like constant social life. I really don't miss people being around me in my home usually. But I love to have a few close friends and interact with them, do things with them, grow together with them..., and gosh if I don't have anyone to talk to, I certainly go crazy.

If I look back on my life, I think I never found myself totally friendless since I was 4-5 yo, because I would always look for likeminded people. In very early sobriety, it was mainly SR. Then, others as well, but never many, and usually one by one. So this is how. I try to be open to recognize interesting people, and approach them, or they approach me and I am responsive. This can be done anywhere in many different ways. Being friendless is really, really bad for me, so I try to make friends and then maintain the connections without being clingy, I think.

Newpathway

The reference to introverts and needing quiet time to recharge makes a lot of sense. Without it wine a.k.a 'mommy juice' enters the picture....

Newpathway

It's kind of funny because a few years ago I romanticized the notion of having a house to myself that would be clean and tidy all the time and no chaos and noise around me. Being here is exactly what I wanted. I know it's exactly where I need to be. I have a noisy job and I'm sociable out in the world but I really, really like being home where things are quiet! Adjusting to the reality of it and being sober is going to take some work but nothing worth having is ever easy, I suppose.

Anna

When I stopped drinking, one thing I did was to get involved in a volunteer job working with women living on the street and in poverty. I 'thought' I could offer something. And, I did, but what surprised me was how much I got from that experience. One of the upsides was working with people who didn't drink. I developed a few very close friendships.

Soberwolf

Volenteer job definatly

Well done on 3.5 months sober

Weasel1966

I am in the exact same place. I never lived alone for longer than a few months and never over the past 20+ years. I feel it every day.

I accept where I am at right now. I venture out but have not met anyone worth letting in my space. I might be too choosy right now but I have it all on the line and going slow is important for me.

I like a lot of the suggestions... Volunteer... Join groups. I have yet to be brave enough to go to one of the meet ups but I plan on it.

SR is always been my close friend.

My best to you!

Ken

Fly N Buy

Had those feelings myself. Frankly, I felt lonely even in groups or crowds. Maybe a sense of isolation.....

Made sound trite, but have you considered a rescued pet??
I agree helping others is great as well just to get out.

Thanks for sharing, WE are not alone!!!

fly