murrill

I had similar arguments with myself. If one of the 10 times I drank went without problems I concluded that I was not an alcoholic. Sometimes I told myself that if I ever worked out my emotional issues I would not be such a mess when I drank. The conundrum, of course, was that I would never fix my emotional issues until I quit drinking. I believe that I was an alcoholic waiting to happen: Once I took my first swallow I was "all in." I had found my soul mate! Of course, I spent the next few years trying to recapture that feeling (and never did). I kept searching for a way to make it work for me; I never did.
It was a relief to me when I discoverd that drinking was not the whole problem, but it was one that had to be addressed first. I was hopeful that there was help beyond quitting that would help me learn to live with myself. It simply did not have to hurt so much anymore.

Altoids

Love this thread. THIS is what SR is about!!! Thanks to the OP and to all who replied. Listening to Clancy now. Love this!

Aellyce

My suggestion is what Dee said: if you debate with yourself over this and cannot decide what to do, why not help your analysis and choice based on experience. Commit to sobriety for a period of time (2-3 months may be a good start, but if that sounds too much, maybe one month to start with). And instead of ruminating on ALL the things you cannot accomplish, choose one single goal that has some personal meaning and importance for you and it does not take years to make strides in it. Don't drink, and focus on this goal during your designated experiment. There is no risk in this experiment at all, I think. Do not overcomplicate things. See what happens?

Wastinglife

I am by nature an introvert. A book-worm who doesn't like to socialize much in groups. Alcohol makes me a social butterfly who can't seem to get enough of talking to people. A complete 180. But I needed to use alcohol all the time to even get the motivation to leave the house. The girls I dated over the years probably never met the real me. I was pretty much drunk the entire time.

I realize now that I was putting on a charade to mask my true self. You need to tell that voice in your head, telling you a few drinks won't hurt, that it is not your friend and wants to ruin your life.

Hawks

"transmogrified"

Calvin and Hobbes fan?

helpimalive

I have not been exposed to Calvin and Hobbes 0.0
I take it they transmogrify things?

Hawks

Hawks

helpimalive

XD XD He has in fact been transmogrified.

Briar

I still sometimes start to think that I only drank to the level I did to get attention, to justify why I was so unhappy, or as a cry for help. Not because I actually have a problem. I have to remind myself that if those were really the reasons, then why did I hide it from everyone?

What you're framing as lack of motivation, fogginess, laziness, inability to get things done or do well in your work all sound like depression to me. Drinking can cause and perpetuate depression. I've been rendered completely useless by depression before, it's horrible. I agree with Dee's suggestion to try to get a couple months sober and then see how you feel. You might find that alcohol caused the problems you used it to treat.

sugarbear1

"I’ve always been bad at life, at getting things done, at following through on anything."

self centered self loathing is my definition of alcoholism. I drank to feel comfortable in my own skin and in the world.

There is a way out!!

helpimalive

I'm working on staying sober to see how I am ... But I can't commit to a time period. What I am committing to is following any and all advice and reading up and listening and trying to avoid any advice my brain tries to give me XD. If I get a week or so maybe I'll be able to commit to a little more. I've not had more than four days in three years, and that only once. And I've "committed" to 28, 60, 90, and other periods so many times.

Then boy do I qualify!