Winterkat

I was doing so well, and then I let work get to me. Like seriously, deeply get to me. And the next thing I knew, I was so anxious I was yet again pouring myself a glass of wine "just to take the edge off" IN THE MORNING, then I continued until the bottle was gone. add in a few shots later in the afternoon.

I take the blame, because no one can MAKE me feel any way I don't want to feel, but I'm tired of the disempowerment, anxiety, and misery that I feel in this job. So I know that for my health, I have to make it a priority to find another job, even if it's less pay. DH is really supportive - drinking aside, he says that this job is ripping all enjoyment out of life for me. And it's true. We haven't had a single day off in nearly 3 years where I haven't had to check my phone and respond to emails.

So back on day one. Feeling miserable physically, which I deserve and at least will serve a reminder about consequences from my actions. I need to come up with a solid plan on how to make it through the days until I can find something else to do for employment. Until then, I'm going to have to patch through what I can. I know keeping booze out the house through the days will be step 1. Then I need to figure out some calming and coping mechanisms for when my anxiety builds up. I'd love to walk around the block or something, but I'm always tied to my computer.

How do you guys push through doing something you hate, but is necessary? I'm not at a point that I can just quit without having something else, as much as it's really deeply at the source of what's making me sick. I really don't drink on the weekends or when I'm on vacation.

Chiffon

Plenty of water and back on the saddle yeah? Well done for posting x

SoberLeigh

Have you thought of trying yoga (or meditative yoga) or simply meditation for stress relief?

Even something as simple as a walk can be soothing.

And, of course, there is always a soothing warm bath (or a trip to the spa if finances permit).

Tang

When you feel work has beat you down, try something else. Take a walk, punch a punching bag, try meditating or call a friend. I too have used in reaction to a horrible work day. This is my biggest trigger.

Sparkos

I think most of us here can empathise.
I think you really must take stock and re-evaluate everything. I can hear that you are wound-up to the nines. You're at a place where you know you are stressed and you know you are doing doing yourself harm, but you're just too busy keeping it all together. Right?

Bull****!!!!!

You say " I'd love to walk around the block or something, but I'm always tied to my computer. " No you're not. What would be the worst that would happen. You won't get fired. Take some you time and look after yourself. Don't let the years roll by struggling with everything. Do something crazy like turning your cell phone off, walk away from your computer and do something as simple as taking a walk around the block. You'll feel alive.

Winterkat

Thanks for the cold wet fish upside the head, Sparkos

Unfortunately, my boss is very controlling. So, believe it or not, turning off ones cell phone or not being available when you're supposed to be IS cause in his mind for firing. You are expected to check your phone and respond any time, day or night.

This being said, I do understand that the problem is me and how I react. I guess I need to NOT be scared to get fired, because, heck, it's not like this is a good situation. Maybe it would help me stop being scared to find so etching else because I'd have to.