Question
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: columbus
Posts: 28
Question
One thing I do not understand is, is this problem all in my head??? If this is connected to the brain, why can't doctors figure out what area of the brain and do something to help??? My sister and I begged my Dad to stop and assumed he didn't love us enough to do it, but Now I know that is not true....What is the controlling factor?? I am a smart woman, and I can't beat this?? I have over come so much, but this is beating me?????
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Kim,
no certainty on exact "cause".
i'm a pretty smart woman, too, but found that neither intelligence nor will was the deciding factor in finally quitting after a gazillion tries.
what worked for me was solid daily contact with others, and understanding and accepting on a visceral level that i am a drunk. which means that it will never be different if i drink again.
when i understood that, i could let go of attempts to "beat it". i can't and i don't need to. trying to beat it was a continuous struggle and every time i lost. ultimately, the set-up was only a win-lose one where there was continuous warfare in myself. and ever-repeated failure.
now, in a manner of speaking, i coexist with my alcoholism.
and drinking/not drinking is irrelevant. i do not struggle, there's nothing to beat. nor is there any excuse or temptation to drink; it's not something i've ever considered again.
but what a gift, in a roundabout way, that in your anguish you have found out a truth about your dad, though...that it was not about you or loving you, but something different entirely.
painful and tempestuous, yes, but.....
stick around.
no certainty on exact "cause".
i'm a pretty smart woman, too, but found that neither intelligence nor will was the deciding factor in finally quitting after a gazillion tries.
what worked for me was solid daily contact with others, and understanding and accepting on a visceral level that i am a drunk. which means that it will never be different if i drink again.
when i understood that, i could let go of attempts to "beat it". i can't and i don't need to. trying to beat it was a continuous struggle and every time i lost. ultimately, the set-up was only a win-lose one where there was continuous warfare in myself. and ever-repeated failure.
now, in a manner of speaking, i coexist with my alcoholism.
and drinking/not drinking is irrelevant. i do not struggle, there's nothing to beat. nor is there any excuse or temptation to drink; it's not something i've ever considered again.
but what a gift, in a roundabout way, that in your anguish you have found out a truth about your dad, though...that it was not about you or loving you, but something different entirely.
painful and tempestuous, yes, but.....
stick around.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Yes, alcoholism and other addiction disorders are connected to the brain. There is a very specific part of the brain that is involved in the pleasurable effects of alcohol and other drugs. However, they are still trying to elucidate why cravings occur (and what regions of the brain control this), why some people become addicted while other people do not (how are their brains different), how the brains of alcoholics change with alcohol use, etc. The brain is an amazingly adaptable organ and can change in response to drugs and alcohol with the chemical messengers they utilize as well as the receptors that mediate the effects of the drug. Thus the brain is very dynamic. It would be nice if addiction could be solved. There are a lot of scientific investigators trying to find new treatments as well as understand the process of alcoholism and drug addiction, but it takes time and research.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Kim, if you want to look at alcoholism that way, as I do, take a look at the Rational Recovery website, and see if that 'structural model' of addiction makes sense to you. It made sense to me, and I incorporated that idea into my plan to quit drinking, once and for all.
Glad to have you aboard.
Glad to have you aboard.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
There are a lot of things in life that we don't have the answer to. Why do people get cancer? Why are people allergic to certain things? Why do some people kill other people and do horrible things to each other? Someday we might know, someday we might not.
I wrestled with "why" i was an alcoholic for a long time too. It didn't seem fair that I could not drink like everyone else. I consider myself smart too and i tried every possible form of moderation of my drinking that I could, but nothing ever worked.
The bottom line for me was that I simply had to accept that I"m an alcoholic. Take a leap of faith so to speak - and just accept that it IS that way. My life got a lot easier once I did that - i can now concentrate on living my life to the fullest rather than beating my head against the wall trying to control somethign that I cannot, and will not ever be able to control. I CAN control whether I pick up the first drink though....so can you.
I wrestled with "why" i was an alcoholic for a long time too. It didn't seem fair that I could not drink like everyone else. I consider myself smart too and i tried every possible form of moderation of my drinking that I could, but nothing ever worked.
The bottom line for me was that I simply had to accept that I"m an alcoholic. Take a leap of faith so to speak - and just accept that it IS that way. My life got a lot easier once I did that - i can now concentrate on living my life to the fullest rather than beating my head against the wall trying to control somethign that I cannot, and will not ever be able to control. I CAN control whether I pick up the first drink though....so can you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Beating addiction is not about being able to one day go out and control our drinking, we have to live with the way we are designed, instead the success comes from realising the situation and adjusting our behaviour.
Parting ways with alcohol on a permanent basis was the wisest thing I had done in years!!
Parting ways with alcohol on a permanent basis was the wisest thing I had done in years!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Science explains it as both a physical and mental abnormality depending upon who and what you read.
Having 'done my research' I am pretty sure that those of us in recovery are sick people trying to get well, and not bad people trying to get good.
My own research out in the trenches ( as an active alcoholic ) has convinced me of this.
No matter how smart, rich, Godlike, nice, horrible, caring.....etc you may be.
If you are alcoholic and don't find a way to stop and then stay stopped this will kill you in the end after it strips away everything of worth in your life first.
Sum total of 36 years active research folks.....
G
Having 'done my research' I am pretty sure that those of us in recovery are sick people trying to get well, and not bad people trying to get good.
My own research out in the trenches ( as an active alcoholic ) has convinced me of this.
No matter how smart, rich, Godlike, nice, horrible, caring.....etc you may be.
If you are alcoholic and don't find a way to stop and then stay stopped this will kill you in the end after it strips away everything of worth in your life first.
Sum total of 36 years active research folks.....
G
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You are lucky that you are on this site and have access to the knowledge of the internet.
My drinking was not controllable by me. I tried to control it, but the truth was I wanted that extreme euphoria that alcohol gave me. Once started, I chased that high relentlessly. For me it is a compulsion over which I have no control and those with this problem often chase it to jail, or death.
I'm sorry for your father. I know how it is to come face to face with this in a family member. I pray you make a different choice for yourself. I believe there is a genetic component - a gene or combination of genes that can lead to alcoholism or other addictions. Also, seeing this modeled in your immediate family is the nurture part of the nature/nurture question. Knowing this about your father can help you in your own struggle.
My drinking was not controllable by me. I tried to control it, but the truth was I wanted that extreme euphoria that alcohol gave me. Once started, I chased that high relentlessly. For me it is a compulsion over which I have no control and those with this problem often chase it to jail, or death.
I'm sorry for your father. I know how it is to come face to face with this in a family member. I pray you make a different choice for yourself. I believe there is a genetic component - a gene or combination of genes that can lead to alcoholism or other addictions. Also, seeing this modeled in your immediate family is the nurture part of the nature/nurture question. Knowing this about your father can help you in your own struggle.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I lost a lot of time on these thoughts but in the final analysis it does not make any difference, I cannot drink alcohol in safety. Then I was able to proceed life without alcohol involved, one day at a time in a row.
In AA it used to be called “analysis paralysis.”
BE WELL
I lost a lot of time on these thoughts but in the final analysis it does not make any difference, I cannot drink alcohol in safety. Then I was able to proceed life without alcohol involved, one day at a time in a row.
In AA it used to be called “analysis paralysis.”
BE WELL
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