Today has to be the day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 27
Today has to be the day
Hi all. I found this site, as I imagine many folks did, desperately searching the internet for ways to help me stop drinking.
And today has to be the day.
I feel miserable physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm watching my control, happiness and self worth trickle away. While I could argue ( which there is no point in doing) that I'm "high functioning", I know I am well down the slippery slope of not functioning at all.
My drinking started about 2 years ago when my DH and I moved far from "home". I don't really enjoy the city itself, nor have I tried in integrate here. I decided to work from home, which exacerbates my isolation and loneliness.
I really don't like my job, and have a boss who likes to manipulate people. Backstabbing is regular on our team. People are allowed to regularly have temper tantrums and scream at each other. Of course, working from home I'm a little protected from that, but it still makes things challenging.
Worst of all, I've been dealing with my former boss with him in a client capacity. He is a terrible person who also lies and manipulates. My business decisions get overturned daily because he has such a need to control what I do, he just goes above my head and complains or creates so much drama he gets his way.
I feel I'm really good at my job, was recently offered a promotion, and had to decline because it would have involved location. I just find it hard to have my credibility torn to shreds every day.
I've been drinking to self soothe. The loneliness, the anxiety, the frustration. I know it's not helping, but every day, I start to get anxious and up the bottle goes to my lips.its getting out of hand.
But it has to stop. Today.
I know I need to find a new job and integrate into y new community but it's feeling very overwhelming right now.
I appreciate all the stories, sharing, that people do on here and am hoping to draw on some of that strength to help me move forward.
And today has to be the day.
I feel miserable physically, spiritually, and mentally. I'm watching my control, happiness and self worth trickle away. While I could argue ( which there is no point in doing) that I'm "high functioning", I know I am well down the slippery slope of not functioning at all.
My drinking started about 2 years ago when my DH and I moved far from "home". I don't really enjoy the city itself, nor have I tried in integrate here. I decided to work from home, which exacerbates my isolation and loneliness.
I really don't like my job, and have a boss who likes to manipulate people. Backstabbing is regular on our team. People are allowed to regularly have temper tantrums and scream at each other. Of course, working from home I'm a little protected from that, but it still makes things challenging.
Worst of all, I've been dealing with my former boss with him in a client capacity. He is a terrible person who also lies and manipulates. My business decisions get overturned daily because he has such a need to control what I do, he just goes above my head and complains or creates so much drama he gets his way.
I feel I'm really good at my job, was recently offered a promotion, and had to decline because it would have involved location. I just find it hard to have my credibility torn to shreds every day.
I've been drinking to self soothe. The loneliness, the anxiety, the frustration. I know it's not helping, but every day, I start to get anxious and up the bottle goes to my lips.its getting out of hand.
But it has to stop. Today.
I know I need to find a new job and integrate into y new community but it's feeling very overwhelming right now.
I appreciate all the stories, sharing, that people do on here and am hoping to draw on some of that strength to help me move forward.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
It all starts with you and your future actions, no but you can get you sober or drunk.
With many it starts with being honest with our self about our drinking, which you seem aware of, and accepting we cannot drink in safety.
We then don’t drink one day at a time in a row. No getting away from the fact that work and change are required to continue being sober and for me that started with going to a lot of AA meetings. Reading and posting here is a VG also.
Keep coming was something that helped me very much also.
BE WELL
It all starts with you and your future actions, no but you can get you sober or drunk.
With many it starts with being honest with our self about our drinking, which you seem aware of, and accepting we cannot drink in safety.
We then don’t drink one day at a time in a row. No getting away from the fact that work and change are required to continue being sober and for me that started with going to a lot of AA meetings. Reading and posting here is a VG also.
Keep coming was something that helped me very much also.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
you will be okay, don't worry, things will work out. it's not your boss that controls you, it's feeling unsupported by people that care about you. Who are they? Where are they? Can you reach out to them? Feeling alone drives me crazy and chemicals compensate but for how long? Addressing isolation stops the abuse on so many levels. That is your real challenge, who loves you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by fridgey 
you will be okay, don't worry, things will work out. it's not your boss that controls you, it's feeling unsupported by people that care about you. Who are they? Where are they? Can you reach out to them? Feeling alone drives me crazy and chemicals compensate but for how long? Addressing isolation stops the abuse on so many levels. That is your real challenge, who loves you?
You know that little poem about two men looking through bars? I feel a little like that's what is happening in my home. He loves our new city, his career is flying. The move here has been very positive. All I feel is lonely and I really don't like it here. I miss my friends, my support network, even just the things I used to do in our old city. While I'm still in touch with people, it's really different to walk through a city where you don't really know a soul and feel like a ghost.
I'm having a hard time reconciling this because I'm usually a very much seeing the stars person. Right now, I feel focused on the bars and I can't seem to shake that. I know it has to be a conscious shaking, but somehow I feel stuck.
And you're right - the chemicals are not helping me compensate at all. They force me inside more, into my head more. I guess I didn't think of it that way, but they make it worse, even if at the moment I feel better. Or at least numb.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by Anna
I'm glad you have decided to stop drinking.
Is there anything you can do to improve your work situation?
Is there anything you can do to improve your work situation?
I'm trying to figure out the balance for work, but I think I'll just have to move on to something else. It is a very niche industry, which there is really no equivalent of in this city. Working from home allows for me to use my skills and expertise remotely. Like many people, my career feels like part of my identity, and I'm having a hard time extracting myself from it in a healthy way.
Maybe in some ways too, I'm fearful of cutting that final tie to my "old life". It makes being here feel very permanent, and solidifies that I have to forge ahead with leaving the old me behind. It's a pretty small industry, and I've been surrounded by the same people, clients, vendors, etc. for 20 years. It's very comforting in that way, but the fact that I have to be so isolated is really not good for me at all.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi WinterKat and welcome to the forum! You will find an abundance of support. My first suggestion will be to keep your computer logged into and open to SR. While you may feel isolated and alone, I guarantee you that your journey and all it entails can be shared.
We have a similar timeline for moving, isolation and DHs' experience. My career had been stopped for a few (+) years and restarted. Sobriety offered clarity of vision and plan that is unparalleled from past experiences. Among other good things.
This is a great gift you are giving yourself! Yay for being here, WinterKat!
We have a similar timeline for moving, isolation and DHs' experience. My career had been stopped for a few (+) years and restarted. Sobriety offered clarity of vision and plan that is unparalleled from past experiences. Among other good things.
This is a great gift you are giving yourself! Yay for being here, WinterKat!
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