Blargggghhhhhh!!!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Freeowl....have long have you been feeling this way?
I don't have as much sobriety as you ...but I do know I have "bad patches"..typically triggered by stressors.
Just recently I've had a horrible two weeks that has resulted in a certain "enlightenment" I would never know had I not experienced that fresh hell. Mostly..it was monsters of my own making.
A couple months or so..I also had a horrible week I damn near didn't make it through. Again...triggered by family stressors and frustrations..and fear.
I don't mean to minimize or oversimplify..but sometimes..don't we have to weather storms and dark places? Isn't that life?
I mean..it's probably harder for us fighting to find our way to emotional sobriety...
I don't know...I'm just wondering if it's just a "life" thing sometimes...
All that being said....
I certainly want to send some love and bright blessings for your current struggle...cuz no matter what it is...it STILL sucks!
I don't have as much sobriety as you ...but I do know I have "bad patches"..typically triggered by stressors.
Just recently I've had a horrible two weeks that has resulted in a certain "enlightenment" I would never know had I not experienced that fresh hell. Mostly..it was monsters of my own making.
A couple months or so..I also had a horrible week I damn near didn't make it through. Again...triggered by family stressors and frustrations..and fear.
I don't mean to minimize or oversimplify..but sometimes..don't we have to weather storms and dark places? Isn't that life?
I mean..it's probably harder for us fighting to find our way to emotional sobriety...
I don't know...I'm just wondering if it's just a "life" thing sometimes...
All that being said....
I certainly want to send some love and bright blessings for your current struggle...cuz no matter what it is...it STILL sucks!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Free owl ,
I see a lot of work in your post …
I'm not sure i see glory , wonder or fun ..
When was the last time you laughed so hard you nearly did yourself a mischief ?
Laughter , fun , love and bubble baths are all part of being sober too ..
Take care , m
I see a lot of work in your post …
I'm not sure i see glory , wonder or fun ..
When was the last time you laughed so hard you nearly did yourself a mischief ?
Laughter , fun , love and bubble baths are all part of being sober too ..
Take care , m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Life on life's terms- the program showed me how to handle that.
2 things that stand out to me-
One being ya say ya admitted yer an alcoholic and yer life is unmanageable. But the first part of the first step is admitting powerlessness.
Second being doin the steps at your speed. Maybe part of the problem?? Second step is very simple. Second paragraph page 47 has a question with a yes or no answer. If yes, move on in the steps.
The program showed me the root cause of anxiety, glumness, and dread and what to do abut them. Also a sponsor helped. It was my choice. I could take my time and be in misery as long as I wanted or I could get my arse in gear and get into the solution and I'm very glad I didn't drag my feet and do it my way at my speed.
Big book says if I decided I want what you have and am willing to go to any length then I'm ready to take certain steps. Part of that was to stop doin things my way at my speed In my time.
I've seen many people end up drunk again who did things their way and took their time. I've heard many come back share that it didn't work good.
2 things that stand out to me-
One being ya say ya admitted yer an alcoholic and yer life is unmanageable. But the first part of the first step is admitting powerlessness.
Second being doin the steps at your speed. Maybe part of the problem?? Second step is very simple. Second paragraph page 47 has a question with a yes or no answer. If yes, move on in the steps.
The program showed me the root cause of anxiety, glumness, and dread and what to do abut them. Also a sponsor helped. It was my choice. I could take my time and be in misery as long as I wanted or I could get my arse in gear and get into the solution and I'm very glad I didn't drag my feet and do it my way at my speed.
Big book says if I decided I want what you have and am willing to go to any length then I'm ready to take certain steps. Part of that was to stop doin things my way at my speed In my time.
I've seen many people end up drunk again who did things their way and took their time. I've heard many come back share that it didn't work good.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I'm just working the steps at my speed.
Originally Posted by tomsteve
I've seen many people end up drunk again who did things their way and took their time. I've heard many come back share that it didn't work good.
When I feel the way your feeling it always came down to action. Whether that is more prayer, more meetings, more service, more work on the steps, more asking for help, more reading of the big book..Action!
Not more thinking, more action.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
being sober isnt about feeling good and great everyday, there has to be bad days we all have them
what i have had to learn to do when i want to shout f off to the world is to ring people up get to a meeting and hope there is a new comer there someone i can help even if its just to sit with them and have a chat about nothing
i soon end up feeling grateful instead of fears etc
we have to take actions to change how we feel it will not happen by magic
the get off your back side and do something kick up the bum works for me and i have been kicked up my bum that many times as i forget but once i remember and get back to doing things that i should be doing peace comes back to me
i could sit here all day crying over things that i have lost, what would you tell me to do ?
i could sit here worrying about things in the future that may or may not happen, again what would you tell me to do ?
you will know the answers if i ask you for them. all we have to do is learn and practise this new way of living and accept bad days or bad moods as it will not last long or it will last but only as long as i let them last
my sponsor would have me laughing at myself when i would call him with yet another earth shattering life dependent problem i was having and slowly i started to come to see just how nuts i have been lol
i am still nuts today but i accept it and live with it today and i enjoy being nuts as well just so long as i dont hurt anyone
good luck to you
what i have had to learn to do when i want to shout f off to the world is to ring people up get to a meeting and hope there is a new comer there someone i can help even if its just to sit with them and have a chat about nothing
i soon end up feeling grateful instead of fears etc
we have to take actions to change how we feel it will not happen by magic
the get off your back side and do something kick up the bum works for me and i have been kicked up my bum that many times as i forget but once i remember and get back to doing things that i should be doing peace comes back to me
i could sit here all day crying over things that i have lost, what would you tell me to do ?
i could sit here worrying about things in the future that may or may not happen, again what would you tell me to do ?
you will know the answers if i ask you for them. all we have to do is learn and practise this new way of living and accept bad days or bad moods as it will not last long or it will last but only as long as i let them last
my sponsor would have me laughing at myself when i would call him with yet another earth shattering life dependent problem i was having and slowly i started to come to see just how nuts i have been lol
i am still nuts today but i accept it and live with it today and i enjoy being nuts as well just so long as i dont hurt anyone
good luck to you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by mecanix
Hey Free owl ,
I see a lot of work in your post …
I'm not sure i see glory , wonder or fun ..
When was the last time you laughed so hard you nearly did yourself a mischief ?
Laughter , fun , love and bubble baths are all part of being sober too ..
Take care , m
I see a lot of work in your post …
I'm not sure i see glory , wonder or fun ..
When was the last time you laughed so hard you nearly did yourself a mischief ?
Laughter , fun , love and bubble baths are all part of being sober too ..
Take care , m
My little girls and I are goofy together every day they're with me. We laugh and dance and do silly joyful stuff.
My Lady and I remember to have fun. We laugh and share our visions of the positive alongside our fears.
There is laughter and fun at AA meetings, amid the more somber sharing.
No - these feelings of glum, of sadness and grief, of fear and of worthlessness don't come alone. They come along with joy, gratitude, fun, celebration and goodness.
And every day, I make an effort to seek those things, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by GracieLou
Did you drink at your speed too?
This!
When I feel the way your feeling it always came down to action. Whether that is more prayer, more meetings, more service, more work on the steps, more asking for help, more reading of the big book..Action!
Not more thinking, more action.
This!
When I feel the way your feeling it always came down to action. Whether that is more prayer, more meetings, more service, more work on the steps, more asking for help, more reading of the big book..Action!
Not more thinking, more action.
I'm not sure what your point is, but I agree with the action comments.
Actions I took in the past few days;
Posting this thread
Calling my Dad and sharing this stuff with him
Going to a meeting and sharing this stuff
Journaling
Completing my step two workbook
Telling my lady about how I was feeling
Going to yoga
Praying
Reading my big book
Applying for three more jobs
Calling my sponsor
Making and appointment for Thursday with my therapist
Going to the gym for a sauna
Going to the chiropractor
Going to the gym for an intense workout
I suspect if I were not taking actions, these emotions would be debilitating.... but with action, they are bearable and probably, just 'normal' Being Human.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Good Job on the actions!
My point was that if we do the same thing in the same way we always have then the results will be the same.
When I drank I sat on the couch all weekend, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I isolated, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I made excuses not to do things, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I was the procrastination queen, I could not do that in recovery. I could not put off anything waiting or hoping for the right time or that I may get the feeling to do something.
I had to step out of the comfort zone and just do it. Not when I wanted to, not when it felt right, not when I had exhausted all other options and tried 20 other things. I had to just do it, now. Time was a wasting!
I spent 25 years drinking, I did not want to spend 25 years trying to figure out how to remain sober.
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Probably did drink at my speed.
I'm not sure what your point is, but I agree with the action comments.
I'm not sure what your point is, but I agree with the action comments.
When I drank I sat on the couch all weekend, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I isolated, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I made excuses not to do things, I could not do that in recovery. When I drank I was the procrastination queen, I could not do that in recovery. I could not put off anything waiting or hoping for the right time or that I may get the feeling to do something.
I had to step out of the comfort zone and just do it. Not when I wanted to, not when it felt right, not when I had exhausted all other options and tried 20 other things. I had to just do it, now. Time was a wasting!
I spent 25 years drinking, I did not want to spend 25 years trying to figure out how to remain sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I follow ya. Makes sense!
By 'at my own speed' I didn't mean just sitting around doing nothing or doing the same old stuff. I meant going with my recovery flow and not feeling that I 'should' be at any particular step at any particular time, not judging or being critical of my recovery (the way I tend to be about myself far too much...).
My first step was a pretty drawn-out process. I feel like the first time in AA and my first successful sobriety stint I just looked at it and sort of said - "step one? yeah. Got it. I'm powerless. Step two? Power greater than myself? restore me to sanity? Sure. Let's do it. Step three? Yeah... ok. I'll turn myself over. Here we go!!"
Then step four was daunting and scary and I never really did it.
This time around, I went to a long-time sober, old-timer who worked for many years after sobering up himself as a recovery counselor at the hospital's detox / treatment center. I asked for his help and guidance and he offered to take me through the same materials and process he used in his work at the hospital. Step one was a big thick workbook and it asked me to plumb the depths of nearly 26 years of addictive life. If I were sequestered to a treatment facility... I could probably do that in a week. But in the context of a life, kids, a job, a relationship and just coming to terms with sobriety.... it was something that took time, reflection, communication, journaling, remembering. I found that as I did this, things arose that I hadn't thought of in a long time. Memories appeared, long forgotten. Rather than rush it, I sat with it.... and I think it was the right thing to do for me. By the time I finished it over the course of several months, I had a really powerful Step One to share with my sponsor and, more importantly, had a deep conviction and a totally new perspective on how long, how broadly, how fully my use of alcohol and drugs had impacted my life and had made my life unmanageable.
By 'at my own speed' I didn't mean just sitting around doing nothing or doing the same old stuff. I meant going with my recovery flow and not feeling that I 'should' be at any particular step at any particular time, not judging or being critical of my recovery (the way I tend to be about myself far too much...).
My first step was a pretty drawn-out process. I feel like the first time in AA and my first successful sobriety stint I just looked at it and sort of said - "step one? yeah. Got it. I'm powerless. Step two? Power greater than myself? restore me to sanity? Sure. Let's do it. Step three? Yeah... ok. I'll turn myself over. Here we go!!"
Then step four was daunting and scary and I never really did it.
This time around, I went to a long-time sober, old-timer who worked for many years after sobering up himself as a recovery counselor at the hospital's detox / treatment center. I asked for his help and guidance and he offered to take me through the same materials and process he used in his work at the hospital. Step one was a big thick workbook and it asked me to plumb the depths of nearly 26 years of addictive life. If I were sequestered to a treatment facility... I could probably do that in a week. But in the context of a life, kids, a job, a relationship and just coming to terms with sobriety.... it was something that took time, reflection, communication, journaling, remembering. I found that as I did this, things arose that I hadn't thought of in a long time. Memories appeared, long forgotten. Rather than rush it, I sat with it.... and I think it was the right thing to do for me. By the time I finished it over the course of several months, I had a really powerful Step One to share with my sponsor and, more importantly, had a deep conviction and a totally new perspective on how long, how broadly, how fully my use of alcohol and drugs had impacted my life and had made my life unmanageable.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
It doesn't matter how long it takes to do the steps. We just need to get it right. I'm starting on mine again for the umpteenth time. We never "finish" them. We need only remember, Recovery is a Process not an Event. Journey on............
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