Fiona630

Well I have to say this time around trying to quit drinking and I am more irritable and angry than the last times. Everything makes me sad or mad. I snap at people. I get pissed that they are pissed at me because I have not shown up to functions that have a ton of drinking at and I dont feel ready to be at. They think its a lie to not go.So Im the bad guy to them and they are the bad guys to me. Im a giver, I put everyone else first. And now is time to put me first. If they do not understand this then Im sorry, they will surely miss my friendship as I move on in my recovery. Sounds good, doesn't it. Now to stick with it. As people can guilt me into things, I have only the past couple years really have been standing my ground with those that do that to me.

I missed a friends daughters wedding. I had complications with my hysterectomy so going to their daugthers wedding wasnt happening. They were furious with us. She told me in a text how s***** of a person I was. Went on with how I could go to my drs 4 days before the wedding but not the wedding. um...hello..really? I wasn't feeling well, I had to go to my drs. I could barely move on my own. I was in pain. I was so tired. I had also discussed this with her and her daughter when I found out when my surgery date was. It wasnt like I was expecting complications. I also discussed it again with them when I got the invite in the mail. WTF?! I just let it go. There was no point in arguing. I finally said that I was sorry if my health issues got in the way of the wedding. I would try to be more considerate of her future plans next time one of my organs decided it needs to come out. After some time it was all forgotten and she was drunk texting me asking me if I had any pain pills left over she could borrow. I just ignored her.

Well damn it if I didn't go and do it again. I quit drinking and her halloween party is this weekend. Dont you know that she does not care that I have quit and it is hard for me to be around drinking. I better be there or else. I told her several times its hard for me and she said she bets and was I dressing up for her party. Does this seem a bit insensitive or am I the one not sensitive enough to her? Im confused. If she were a real friend wouldn't she say Im sorry, I understand you need to do this, hopefully next halloween you will be able to be there sober and comfortable? I dunno..maybe its those damn expectations coming up again. Expecting another drunk to understand my plight. Hell, I want to get out of this house! But I know what will happen if I try to go. I wont drink, thats not my concern. My concern is how I will feel. I do not know how to function at these things without drinking. The times I have done it before I have been antsy, jittery, nervous, irritable, angry, too happy, absent minded..kinda bipolar with ADD. I have to hold a drink. So I will hold a pop bottle and I will fidget with the lid non stop. I will stay this way until I can go home. (thats me racing home from a party sober...all im thinking is get in a hot shower and jammies and relax!! go! go!)I have to learn how to be sober at these functions. I don't know if day 18 is the day to do it and esp. going solo. There will be other friends of mine there. Real friends. Friends that do not drink. But they are not trying to be sober, they just don't drink often. So they know how to act at these things. ugh!

On a good note, my family dr believes that it is not alcohol that caused my pancreatitis, she believes I have a faulty gallbladder. My ultrasound from my last attack showed all my organs were fine..even no fatty liver except my gallbladder was enlarged and had sludge. So I am waiting for a hydrascan to see if it is my gallbladder. Since there is no pain, if it is that then I can put off surgery till it is a better time for me. I will just have to be very aware of what I put in my body. So thats good news. We don't need our gallbladders but we need our pancreas. And my pancreas, from what we know right now, has NOT been damaged by alcohol!of course you know AV was overjoyed and wanted to party! AV shouted out...lets throw down some beers! wooohooo! luckily my SV(sober voice) was prepared. She was decked out in her Zena warrior princess attire( no pink because she is warrior strong) and yelled back..kiss me arse!(SV speaks in an Irish accent, makes her meaner. She likes girly things but has selfrespect, class and dignity. AV, who has none of that, has smudged mascara down her face, smeared lipstick, sweaty dance hair stuck to her head and dirty barefeet and speaks slur and she loves the color pink. She is also to drunk to understand what SV says to her. Instead she waves at her and slurs out "bye felicia" and passes out instead of arguing. SV is way more attractive!) lol.

Now that I have entertained myself with how my AV and SV look, I will sign off here and go watch my greys anatomy that I dvrd earlier. Have a sober slumber everyone!

MariahGayle

Fiona....You have a lot going on & I'm really glad to hear you say "it's time to put me first"....Yes, take care of you!! Glad to see you here & love the that the AV has an Irish accent....makes her meaner

FeelingGreat

Hey Fiona, you doing so well considering the pressure from all sides. I bet your doctor's please with you too. Doctors see the end result of years of drinking so they love it when a patient gives up before the damage is done.

Hang in there and don't let horrible AV or your friends' pressure stop you.

Soberwolf

Well done Fiona

Fiona630

Thank you! Its hard to put yourself first when for years you didn't do that. But during hunting season, we always make sure we have money saved so my husband can go away, so he can lease property, have gas money, food money, new hunting gear if needed, out of state hunting licenese, etc. Then I feel guilty that I go spend $80 to get my hair cut and color touched up. My son always has nice clothes and shoes. So it is really time for me.

PurpleKnight

Day 16 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!

Dee74

congrats on day 17 Fiona

My advice is live your life how you see fit, not how others, even friends, tell you to

D

JanieJ

I am worried about my how drinking friends will react too (I'm on day 7). One of my heavy drinking friends has already just gaped at me with disbelief-" you can't stop drinking !" she said. But then to be honest I probably would have said the same thing myself six months ago. When you share that with a friend ,they are going to lose some part of you, the drinking part, that enables them, too.


16 days sober, wow, you must feel so proud of yourself

Fiona630

Thank you again everyone! Good advice Dee!

JanieJ, good job on day 7! I think the alcoholic friends feel betrayed by us quitters. How dare us. Some may be waiting secretly to see how this sober thing plays out, they may be wanting to quit but didnt want to be the first, the rest are waiting for us to stumble and go back to them. The sober and normal drinking friends are always supportive. Most do not know what its like to have an addiction unless they are recovering from something but they are encouraging. Those are the friends I want to keep. The ones waiting for me to fail can all pack their baggage along with AV and get out.

Now on that note..I still do not know what I will do about the "friend" who is having the party tomorrow night. Part of me wants to go only so I cant be her excuse as to why we are no longer friends. Plus, I can see the sober friends and when I leave early I will tell them that since I just recently quit drinking its a bit hard to be around all of the drinking hence me leaving early. Then there is no way I am to blame. All the sober friends will be so happy that Im quitting as they have watched me over all these years drink away into what my AV looks like..lol. They will all know, it will be out there, whoever isnt there will find out from the ones that were. And the drunk ones cant bad mouth me because I did show up. Tho Im sure they will find something to complain about in regards to me. Basically make it my "hello, Im a recovery alcoholic" moment. I don't know if that is stupid or not, but its what Im thinking as of right now. I usually don't like to make public that I quit drinking, only because I fear what if I fail and go back to drinking..now Im looking at it like maybe this will make me more accountable for my actions.

JanieJ, I am proud of myself, as you should be too! I am going to get myself something nice at 30 days. At 1 year I have a tattoo planned. Not sure of placement yet, but I want a phoenix brightly colored.

margherita

Hello Fiona630,

Congrats on day 17!!! Today is day 39 for me and I know how hard this is trying to stay sober day after day...I am going through it myself! I see that you are worried about going to your friend's halloween party this weekend and either wanting to drink there or being uncomfortable... and my advice would be that you shouldn't feel like you should do something like going to this party and be around people who will drink if it will make you feel uncomfortable. Who cares what other people think? It is just a party you know.. your friend should understand that this is literally about your LIFE!

Your sobriety (and regaining your mental & physical health) is the most important thing in your life... I agree that your friend should be much more understanding, but I realize slowly now that we cannot "control" how others act or what others say.. the only thing we can control is ourselves. And you are doing an AMAZING job by being sober and we all know too well what we have to lose if we go back to drinking like we used to...

I also just wanted to say that I thought your peacock smiley brought a smile to my face. Really funny!!

As I said, I only have 2 weeks or so more time than you, and I do not at all feel comfortable going to a party or a bar where people around me will be partying and drinking (to each his own, of course). I do not feel ready and I feel it will be too much of a temptation for me. I actually ended up not going to my best friend's birthday because I knew that everyone would be drinking like a fish. I would either drink or just be bored/annoyed/resentful/uncomfortable so I did not go. Halloween is coming up soon and my friends will definitely be going out (in fact, one just sent me a party invitation today)... I kind of feel like my life is quite boring since I have not really been socializing at all (except for going to AA meetings LOL) but I don't feel I will be comfortable so I would rather not go, we'll see...I'm exactly like you, I truly don't know how to function at parties/social events without drinking, so for me the best thing is to just not attend for a while.

Oh and I can totally relate to feeling irritable/easily annoyed too. I snap at people a lot too, but it is completely normal. I asked about this to my sponsor and she said it is completely normal to be irritable. Since we have numbed our brains and emotions with alcohol for so long, that it will take a while to be back to normal. Don't worry!!! I truly believe that sobriety requires a major life change, and of course it will not be easy, but hopefully it will be worth it I believe that in early sobriety we can be a little selfish and do what is best for us in the long run. So it's okay to just do whatever feels right in order to protect our sobriety!

I wish you the best, we can do this!!!

MavisTheFairy13

Your friend doesn't sound like a true friend to me. I would give her a miss, not just the party. And organise something for another time with your real friends

Fiona630

Thank you Margherita! Great advice. Congrats on such a good job with your sobriety! Im not worried about drinking at the party, just worried about that uncomfortable/irritable feeling..You mentioned annoyed and resentful..BINGO..got those mixed in there too. Annoyed and resentful are reserved for the hubby. lol The hubby still says don't go. Another friend suggested I post to the party invite on facebook that since I quit drinking that I did not feel up to being around drinking and I hoped it was a fun and safe night. Im torn. SHe made me feel so bad when we didn't go to her daughters wedding, even tho it was beyond my control that I feel obligated to go but then the other half of me is screaming..YOU before them...YOU before them! She cant be sober for you, only you can be sober for you. Hell, she would never be sober for me or anyone. She drinks more than I do/did and tells me how mad her husband gets about it and she doesnt understand because she isnt hurting anyone but herself. omg. what?!?! Anywho, I will have it figured out by tomorrow.

Mavisthefairy13...Thank you. I do believe you are correct, she doesnt sound like a true friend, does she? A true friend should understand I am making a life change with something Im addicted too, do not guilt me and take advantage of me knowing how hard it is for me when someone guilts me like this. No one can guilt me into drinking, I will say that, but this is a different guilt and its BS. At least I do not need her to make my life better.