Kys

I've fallen back into a drinking habit recently.

It's different from how I used to drink however. After around the second or third drink I near have to force myself (almost always) to keep going, and the only fuel I can find now to to do so is having already resigned to a night of allowing myself to drink. Even still I struggle to get past 5-6 maximum.

It's me not letting go of that alcohol 'friend', as it was around for so long, I go through times where I can't recall what it was like to not have it there. Addiction turned comfort.

Spoke to my partner today on what's happening, and booked a session with my counsellor for Monday. As great as all of that is (and don't get me wrong, it truly is) I feel a bit overwhelmed right with the thought of how long this whole thing has been happening for.

Kys.

Soberwolf

Hi Kys i hope this helps

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

doggonecarl

I'm sorry, but I can't get my mind around the idea of relapsing yet forcing myself to drink.

Sounds like sobriety would be easier. And a better friend.

Kys

Difficult to explain but it's like sometimes there's a fear of getting on and living without alcohol, as it's been in my life for so long.

Austin4Wyo

I think I get it, but tell me if I'm wrong.

I'm a terribly logical thinker, and I know my relapses have been about one night of trying to recapture the old fun, followed by days of fearing the consequences because I knew it would do that. My habits didn't change. Its like the Merle Haggard song..."Well, I gotta get drunk and sure do regret it, cuz I know just what I'll do...". Logic was still there telling me how bad it would get, but I still forced myself to do it, because my alcoholism doesn't care about.

I would be walking to the liquor store, knowing it was wrong, but still going in and buying something.

"Always Believe." -The Ultimate Warrior

Thepatman

Letting go is not easy. But a friend that would put you 6 feet under ground is not a good friend.

Anna

I found it very scary to give up alcohol and go it alone, too. But, I did it, and you can do it too.

ScottFromWI

Perfectly understandable, I felt the same fear, I think a lot of us did. It's completely unwarranted though, how could things be much worse than they'd are now? I think its great that you realize that there is a problem, and I certainly hope the counsellor can help you find a way to beat that fear and put down the drink.

PurpleKnight

You can turn this around Kys!! Never give up!!

Imabuleva

No, that sounds about right.

bigsombrero

Hmmm. Maybe it's "comfort turned addiction"?

We've all been there. It's my experience that I also used to say "everything's fine, I'm okay" and "it's just a habitual thing". Because it's pretty darn scary to realize that this is addiction. This is alcoholism. Yeah, I know. It sucks.

Good luck, I hope you can stop this before it sneaks up on you.

Kys

Thanks a lot everyone. I may have put it in an odd way but it's really about reverting back to old ways in times of stress and so forth, even when the stress isn't really apparent, it still sneaks up.

I recall writing here times ago about needing to deal with stress and such situations better. If anything, that's a reminder that stress and pressing life situations will often just be there in some way and it's how we manage it, but also I can't ignore that I create more stress and complication than is necessary. I'm working on both and going well again off the booze.