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Mixed Feelings about AA

Old 10-15-2014, 08:32 AM
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Mixed Feelings about AA

So last night I decided to go back to AA. I haven't attended a meeting in over 8 months but decided I would because I am doing great in my recovery and I feel I have a good chance at remaining sober the rest of my life. I thought well if I'm doing so well maybe someone else could get something out of what I have to say...and stay sober because of it. Anyways I went and the group was filled with many nice older people. I'm 24 and everybody else was in their 40s and up. We'll they asked me if I wanted to make that my home group and I though "oh sure why not"...This is the only one I've been to anyways and then I learn that as being a home group member we must meet once a month before the meeting to talk about meeting stuff or something. I mentioned I might not be able to because sometimes I work on Tuesdays...she seemed like that could have been a problem but whatever. Other people that I talked to last night that have been staying sober have been attending AA throughout their whole sobriety...doing service work...AA dinners...bunch of fellowship stuff. I understand that you must do whatever you need to do to stay sober. I feel that I don't need AA...talking about drinking and drugs kind of activates my alcoholic mind I think...A lot more than before I was going to meetings. Although I am a recovery alcoholic I am only 24 and I want to live a normal life. I will meet a woman someday and I just want to be normal...I don't want to bring all this fellowship stuff into my life, I don't want future g's of mine thinking this is weird. Most importantly I don't need AA although I do want to help the newcomer...but there aren't any newcomers in my age range though. I picked a higher power so I could work the steps, mine is "the love of my family and friends"...I just can't get into the whole super spiritual thing...to me there is nothing that is a god in my life...I make my own choices whether they are influenced by my friends and family or not. I don't want to offend any one at this AA meeting if I tell them I'm going to quit coming. I love being sober and I'd love to help people...However AA just isn't for me. Whatever works for ya right?

-Nick
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Old 10-15-2014, 08:41 AM
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is this your first time round with sobriety?
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Old 10-15-2014, 08:44 AM
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Yes. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol...at least once I take that first drink...and won't be going back to drinking. I don't disagree with everything AA has to offer...I like the steps...just not dedicating my life to meetings.
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Old 10-15-2014, 08:48 AM
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makes sense.

I hope that it continues to work out for you.



Maybe you could consider being part of the group on an occasional basis and just let them know that you are finding your way through sobriety at your own pace and path, that you value AA as part of your sobriety toolkit but aren't able to commit to some of the 'home group' requirements at this point. I think most AA's would respect that, and you won't feel as if you're under any obligation or pressure that might keep you from using AA as a continued support.

I'm glad you are in a place right now where you don't feel you need it, but if you're like many of us you may come to find that feeling will be challenged sooner or later.
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Old 10-15-2014, 08:55 AM
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That is perfectly ok. It's your recovery. I attend AA, also one of the younger folks there (33). I'm there to listen and provide insight if I can. I'm not overly involved with fellowship activities, don't hang out with anyone outside group. I recognize that as a me-trait, and prefer my family, friends, or mostly just me. For me, having a high power, who does happen to be God, helps me let go of my past actions and forgive myself.

What keeps me Sober the most, though is constantly moving foward, one day at a time, and not forgetting where I've come from. Just keep trying to better myself, physically and mentally. I get where you're coming from with potential future SO's...haven't figured that one out yet either, as my past few relationships have been while I drank.

I think you'll be okay, just have to find what works for you

Bunnez
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Old 10-15-2014, 08:55 AM
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I certainly would not go to AA if I didn't need it but I'm an alcoholic that does. I go to AA to learn how to live as much as how not to drink.

I tried to do it on my own more times than I can count but discovered in AA that I drink and We get sober
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:04 AM
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Don't Judge AA by just one meeting! Yet, btw, you are totally correct.

Furthermore I think you have your SH*T together. I copied your post from "Is Alcoholism a disease" Then I also posted it in the chatroom(giving you full credit and linking the post).
All a are valid points for me. I'm 55yo, Sober 3.5+ yrs; I started out very active in AA and now get to 1+ meetings/week; but what I've found is, my continued sobriety is based on a PROGRAM that works for me, that I own, that I practice, and includes Spirituality, etc...not what others threaten me with- and everyone knows my point in saying that I believe. WE in recovery found that only WE could diagnose and treat our disease-with help of course- and we are our primary caregivers, so we do the research, the treatment, and our success, or failure is ours, we own it, we can't give the blame, or the credit, to anyone or anything else. For anyone else, heres's the quote I refer to above:
"What I do know is that there is something different about me...whether it's classified as a disease or not there is something wrong with me that doesn't allow me to drink in moderation. I don't think this will ever change nor do I care. I am a smart person and if drinking always causes me embarrassment and negative consequences in my life why would I ever want to go back to this again? I know that I am an alcoholic so I chose not to drink"
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:05 AM
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Thanks everybody. I really love sober recovery. Most people don't know about this website...This is a good recovery tool for myself...having access to so many recovering addicts opinions so quickly! You guys rock!
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:08 AM
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When I entered recovery back in 1990, I
was a mom of 2 little ones and married
about 8 yrs. So my full responsibility
lied within my responsibilities at home.

However, staying sober by all means
to the best of my ability was also just
as important.

I took care of family, then made meetings
that wouldn't interfere with my home
responsibilities. Mostly noon meetings
and evening meetings where I could
bake something and feed folks at those
times. That worked fine for me.

For me, I didn't commit myself to situations
I couldn't follow thru with. Like joining a
home group. If I were single with just
myself to worry about then joining one
and committing to opening meetings,
making coffee, being a door greeter,
those kinds of service work would have
been okay to accept.

However, I found service work I could
do to keep me returning to meeting
after meeting for yrs. and that was
thru my baking. I was eventually
given the title as the Cake Lady or
Sharon of Pepperidge Farms or Sharon
of SaraLee. Something like that.

Folks looked forward to seeing me
walk up with large trays of delicious
goodies and that was my way of responding
back to them with gratefulness and
acceptance. And most of all it kept me
sober a many one days at a time.


Of course I used many other tools
in recovery I learned from others to
help me stay sober when I was living
life on lifes terms. Anything I could use
on my own schedule.

Today, I use SR for my life line in recovery
to stay connected and help folks with their
own struggles with addiction by sharing
my own ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes
of what my life was and is like before, during
and after alcohol.

24 yrs. of continues sobriety passing it
on to enjoy the Promises granted to us
by stay sober day after day and living
within the life of recovery.
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:44 AM
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Another thing about AA...I was kind of conned into making this group my home group, at first someone asked me "Want to make this your home group?" I said sure...what does that mean? He says "Oh that just means that you write your name, phone number, and sobriety date on this card and when it's your AA birthday we will give you a coin and a cake". So I said "Okay gimme a card so I can write my stuff on it". 5 minutes later a woman is telling me "since this is now your home group we all meet on the first Tuesday of every month I guess to talk meetings or something". Anyways I don't want to be very involved in AA...and I regret making this my home group. I would like to tell them this without hurting their feelings. I could imagine they might be upset. Any suggestions?

-Nick
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Old 10-15-2014, 09:50 AM
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see above.



"on considering this further, I would just like to be free to come to AA from time to time as I learn more about my own path in sobriety. I appreciate you guys being here for me, but need to take this at my own speed".
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Old 10-15-2014, 01:36 PM
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Hi Nick.
I’ve been alcohol free a good # of years and found that the top reason being is I got involved in the home group I joined. That got me to a meeting every week doing what needed to be done and I’m the beneficiary of doing it.

First I wanted to give back for the sobriety I received. Another reason is it made me stop being an isolationist so many of us are. I chaired at meetings along with speaking on commitments even if I didn’t want to because of self centered fear.
I believe AA is a fellowship for people helping other people living a more sane and comfortable life.
Those monthly meetings are to help make the meetings stable and productive.

BE WELL
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Old 10-15-2014, 01:39 PM
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There are many ways to stay sober, AA is only one of them. Do what you KNOW works for you.
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Old 10-15-2014, 02:09 PM
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I went to AA for about 2 months or so. Then obvious happened when I stopped attending. I think it's the only thing thats going to work for me. I keep putting it off. Aiming to go back on Friday night to a local group.

I hope it works for you.
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