scared of what i'll uncover once i get sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 444
Originally Posted by ItsJustMe89 
Today was day 1 for me. I am beginning to think that maybe part of why I keep going back to drinking even tho I know I should quit might be because I am scared of what I'll see in myself and my life after I get sober. I might not like who I am and that might be part of why I used to begin with. Maybe I am nervous about what I might uncover when there is nothing I can escape, numb, avoid, or ignore things with. I have to wonder if there was some other mental or emotional problem that I have been trying to self medicate for through drugs/alcohol. Having to face those things and deal with them once I am sober might end up being harder then the actual quitting. And maybe that is why I continue to drink. To avoid or put off what comes after getting sober.
Hang in there- you MIGHT end up discovering that the person you've been hiding all these years is pretty damn awesome!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Had I died while I was drinking -- and no one who knew me would have been at all surprised if I had -- anyone left in my life with an interest to say anything about my passing might have said, "So sad. He's definitely in a much better place."
Now when I die, people who know me might say, "He loved life."
Now when I die, people who know me might say, "He loved life."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I thought of a few more things.
When I was still in drinking heavily every night I did some research and was pretty sure I was bi-polar. I did well at work but my behavior was pretty erratic otherwise. My moods were all over the place. I thought I was literally losing my mind.
Everything evened out when I stopped drinking. The peaks and valleys went away and days became pretty beige and normal in a good way. The drama in my life virtually disappeared. There were no more 'events' to agonize over endlessly. By these I pretty much just mean blackouts. When you have regular blackouts you can't help but feel like you're one step from the looney bin.
I've done a lot of thinking about your original post. I don't think that alcohol does anything but bring out the worst in us. We've all heard the term "self-medicating" with alcohol but that doesn't work.
I have yet to hear a sober alcoholic say that drinking covered up the negative parts of their personality or really brought out the best in them. I think it just numbs us into thinking that we needed to function.
Have you ever heard of sober alcoholic, who's been sober more than a few months, say "gosh, when I was drinking every day, I really felt centered and calm." Or, "I really felt in control and happy when I was hung over every day."
When I was still in drinking heavily every night I did some research and was pretty sure I was bi-polar. I did well at work but my behavior was pretty erratic otherwise. My moods were all over the place. I thought I was literally losing my mind.
Everything evened out when I stopped drinking. The peaks and valleys went away and days became pretty beige and normal in a good way. The drama in my life virtually disappeared. There were no more 'events' to agonize over endlessly. By these I pretty much just mean blackouts. When you have regular blackouts you can't help but feel like you're one step from the looney bin.
I've done a lot of thinking about your original post. I don't think that alcohol does anything but bring out the worst in us. We've all heard the term "self-medicating" with alcohol but that doesn't work.
I have yet to hear a sober alcoholic say that drinking covered up the negative parts of their personality or really brought out the best in them. I think it just numbs us into thinking that we needed to function.
Have you ever heard of sober alcoholic, who's been sober more than a few months, say "gosh, when I was drinking every day, I really felt centered and calm." Or, "I really felt in control and happy when I was hung over every day."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
That's totally normal I think.
But the good news is that through facing these fears and doing the work of sobriety, we move beyond that and into a space of truly loving ourselves.
And then we can truly love others and be a force of Love and Good in the world....
It will be OK.
In the great words of the Lego Movie; 'everything is awesome'
But the good news is that through facing these fears and doing the work of sobriety, we move beyond that and into a space of truly loving ourselves.
And then we can truly love others and be a force of Love and Good in the world....
It will be OK.
In the great words of the Lego Movie; 'everything is awesome'
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I hope your doing ok IJM89. Your IP reminds me of a story.
There is a tale of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"Maybe," said the farmer.
I was afraid of some of the same things that you mention when I quit. Things did not all get better right away in the beginning, but they turned out better than I could have ever imagined..... at least to this point.
That maybe the case for you as well, despite how things may appear right now
There is a tale of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically.
"Maybe," the farmer replied. The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed.
"Maybe," replied the old man. The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
"Maybe," answered the farmer. The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.
"Maybe," said the farmer.
I was afraid of some of the same things that you mention when I quit. Things did not all get better right away in the beginning, but they turned out better than I could have ever imagined..... at least to this point.
That maybe the case for you as well, despite how things may appear right now
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
This was a big reason for me not wanting to get sober and when i did abstain for a while i threw myself into something else like work, gym etc. Anything to avoid taking a look at myself.
I went to AA and worked through the steps, what i found out when reading back to myself the stuff i had written down was i actually wasn't as bad a person as i thought i was and i learned that i did not deserve what i had been doing to myself. It's a journey to get a relationship going with yourself and starting to like yourself, i am glad i had help (AA, Counselling, SR, Literature etc) because personally i would not have been able to navigate it alone.
One of the other parts of this is that i was afraid of what would happen if i was let off my leash, i.e. if my warped values and beliefs were changed what would i be and what would i do? I can tell you this from experience, if you get sober and do some work to change you will be able to live with whatever you have done and whatever you do without having to drink. You will stumble and fall, and then you will work out in sobriety that the path of least resistance is firstly doing the right thing for you and secondly doing the right thing for others.
Hope that makes sense?
I went to AA and worked through the steps, what i found out when reading back to myself the stuff i had written down was i actually wasn't as bad a person as i thought i was and i learned that i did not deserve what i had been doing to myself. It's a journey to get a relationship going with yourself and starting to like yourself, i am glad i had help (AA, Counselling, SR, Literature etc) because personally i would not have been able to navigate it alone.
One of the other parts of this is that i was afraid of what would happen if i was let off my leash, i.e. if my warped values and beliefs were changed what would i be and what would i do? I can tell you this from experience, if you get sober and do some work to change you will be able to live with whatever you have done and whatever you do without having to drink. You will stumble and fall, and then you will work out in sobriety that the path of least resistance is firstly doing the right thing for you and secondly doing the right thing for others.
Hope that makes sense?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 174
Hey!
You know what, i had this issue too. Or maybe i still have it.
I was scared about seeing myself in "daylight", and to be honest, after getting sober my oppinion about myself got worse, not better.
With a (relatively) clear head, my stupid actions from the past now seem 10 times worse.
Enough with the bad news.
The best and most important thing about sobriety is the determination and willingness to change.
I was embarassed, i did stupid things, but that's past. Because from the day i started this journey, there aren't many things that i should be embarassed from. Because since that day i started to be conscious about what i do and take responsability for it. That's what normal people do, and i had to learn to do it.
And it may seem slow at the beginning, but it's definitely a continuous improvement of the quality of your life.
Get sober, face yourself and start to truly live your life! Closing our eyes doesn't hide the problem, but for us.
You know what, i had this issue too. Or maybe i still have it.
I was scared about seeing myself in "daylight", and to be honest, after getting sober my oppinion about myself got worse, not better.
With a (relatively) clear head, my stupid actions from the past now seem 10 times worse.
Enough with the bad news.
The best and most important thing about sobriety is the determination and willingness to change.
I was embarassed, i did stupid things, but that's past. Because from the day i started this journey, there aren't many things that i should be embarassed from. Because since that day i started to be conscious about what i do and take responsability for it. That's what normal people do, and i had to learn to do it.
And it may seem slow at the beginning, but it's definitely a continuous improvement of the quality of your life.
Get sober, face yourself and start to truly live your life! Closing our eyes doesn't hide the problem, but for us.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Hi
Hi, I'm on day two. Just joined this forum. I've thought about this as well, but I have issues whether I'm drunk or sober. They haven't gone away while I've been drunk, so it's time to face them,what ever they are, sober.
I'm very scared about being sober but more scared about continuing drinking.
Hang in there
JJ.
I'm very scared about being sober but more scared about continuing drinking.
Hang in there
JJ.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by ItsJustMe89
To avoid or put off what comes after getting sober.
A change in my perspective really helps me when I am scared of the unknown, hesitant, yet know that I must plow forth. How about this:
Sobriety is a grand adventure. Anything new (feelings, thoughts, sensations, memories) that comes your way need not demand your full attention and brainpower. It's OK to recognize whatever it is, say 'hello' and put it on the shelf for later. Now is an amazing opportunity, a gift, that you are giving to yourself.
I really appreciate talking with my therapist as well. Sometimes all we need is someone else's perspective. Keep moving forward, ItsJustMe89. It is so worth it. You and the life you deserve without alcohol are so worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I was really haunted by lost opportunities, broken promises, unrealized potential, etc in the last couple years of my drinking. So much so that I think it contributed to not making a serious effort to get sober, because my distorted mind and anxieties made me feel all that darkness would only get clearer and more definitive.
Wrong.
What sobriety has uncovered, and of course it's a work in progress: the guilt and shame about old irresponsible behaviors fade, trust can be regained, and I have probably never seen so much potential in life than now. Not even when I was young and full of more classic type of ambition. Opportunities are available for us if we are open and can deal with them in a healthy way, and if they are not, we can create them. Don't let fear get in the way!!
Great decision to get sober; congrats and keep going!
Wrong.
What sobriety has uncovered, and of course it's a work in progress: the guilt and shame about old irresponsible behaviors fade, trust can be regained, and I have probably never seen so much potential in life than now. Not even when I was young and full of more classic type of ambition. Opportunities are available for us if we are open and can deal with them in a healthy way, and if they are not, we can create them. Don't let fear get in the way!!
Great decision to get sober; congrats and keep going!
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