ItsJustMe89

When I told my ex boyfriend (who is in AA and has been sober for 5 years)that I was going to a substance abuse therapist because I've been drinking too much, he started talking about step 1... telling me to start thinking about my feelings. I didn't really understand why. But now that I am actually trying to quit, I'm realizing that feelings are the hardest part. I cant escape them if I don't drink. They seem overwhelming and scary.

I started reading in depth about the 12 steps last night and what each step requires. And the thought of doing those steps are overwhelming in its self. When I got to reading about step 4 I felt so uncomfortable that I went to the store and bought a bottle of wine. I know that is ridiculous but I guess I need to focus more on what I have to do today instead of worrying and projecting what Im going to have to do in the future.

Its just the future scary, unknown, and uncomfortable. I wish I could jump ahead to 1 year sober and skip everything I will have to do to get there.

PurpleKnight

Us alcoholics love the quick fix, unfortunately Sobriety happens 1 day at a time!!

For me numbing and escaping was the main reason I drank, didn't like feeling too much, didn't like myself, didn't really want to have to deal with reality, and so I drank myself into oblivion every evening.

Sobreity therefore broght on the same challenge, dealing with the ups and downs of life without my old friend alcohol, no escaping, no numbing, dealing with life in the here and now, it's not something I don't think that we can learn overnight, like anything it's gonna take time, we need to develop new tools in our toolbox of life to deal with life, because rest assured there will still be ups and downs in Sobriety, and I guarantee they still happen at 1yr of Sobriety too!!

We need to relearn how to live life without alcohol, but you can get there!!

Sunny06

I feel exactly the same way. I also can't help but think I'll fail, yet again, so why am I trying so hard. I know it's negative, but I've been a drinker my whole life. Maybe we can both make today day 1? I hope so

biminiblue

You can stay sober without AA. Just saying.

Lots of people do. Life does go much easier when I try to live honestly and try not to hurt other people and apologize if I do. I also believe in prayer.

AA's 12 Steps are good common sense things to practice. Are they the only way to stay sober? No. If you find you can't do it any other way, though - maybe worth a try, right?

ItsJustMe89

Wish2BeHappy, yes lets both make today day 1. I have trouble with self defeating negative thought also. All we can do is try our best each day.

littlegoose

I think it's great how many introductions I've already read where a user just... realizes on their own they need to change something. That takes a particular kind of strength. I'm just a supporter, but when I hit my own challenges, just work one day at a time.

My mom (a child of abusive alcoholics) used to tell me " if you're not doing something that gets you closer to your goal, then you're actively working against it. Maybe just focusing on tiny everyday details and routines will help prevent panic.

Soberwolf

Keep at it like purpleknight said there are only 24h in a day and they will build up

good luck

Joe Nerv

Your post sounds like it's more about fear than feelings, but the title made me think of few incidents in early recovery that really stuck out. During my first year of sobriety I fell in love (or so I thought at the time). I found out one day, in great gory detail, that she had been cheating on me. I literally thought I was going to explode, that my mind and body couldn't handle the pain I was experiencing.

I did all that was suggested. Called my sponsor, wrote about it, prayed... Even did jumping jacks and took an ice cold shower to try and shock my body into not feeling... Still felt like I was going to explode. And then I heard in my head some of the cliche stuff I'd been hearing about "feeling your feelings". What did that mean? I decided to find out. I laid on my bed still and quiet, and I felt everything. I was vibrating. My chest burned from my abdomen to my chin. My fingers tingled. I laid there for about 20 minutes experiencing every sensation I was feeling until it came to me that they were all just sensations. Interesting ones that I wasn't used to. And it somehow began to lose it effect on me.

I wasn't magically healed by this experience, but I became so much less afraid of myself. Realized that the feelings weren't going to kill me. That's a good thing to know if planning to remain sober.

Das all.

Dee74

For me it wasn't the feelings that were so uncomfortable...it was the fear of feeling those feelings.

This is where I think one day at a time really comes into its own. We live our lives one day at a tome...try to focus on today.

You will get used to feeling again...and if you decide to do the steps you'll have a sponsor there to help you and guide you... and pace you

D

ItsJustMe89

Joe Nerv, you say my post sounds more about fear then feelings. But I believe that fear actually is a feeling in itself.
Thank you for your example on how you learned to feel your feelings. I have hear that phrase before too and didn't understand what it meant.