golden1987

Hi Everyone,

I'm a newbie here -- halfway through my 5th day, and thank goodness, am feeling better than the past few days. I wass never "sure" I was an alcoholic (but if you have to ask, right? lol) - b/c my drinking pattern was this: Day 1: Bottle of wine - maybe another 1/2 or a couple of beers. Day 2: Sick as a dog and worthless. Day 3: Oh, I'm feeling better - I can drink again! This cycle has gone on for the past few years, and although the amount I drink may not be as high as some of the posters here (I have been lurking ), it has definitely affected every aspect of my life, my joy, my concern about my home (which admittedly is not helped by being a single mom of two teenage boys who seem to like filth and chaos) -- and my interest/ability to connect with other people. Since my father's death in February, my motivation to do anything has just plummeted, and it's so hard to climb out of this pit. So -- I thought it would be a good thing to connect with some abstinent folks who can help me stay out of my "spin-cycle" from hell. Thanks for reading.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I was on that same cycle for a long time too, you'll find loads of support here on SR to help out!!

Ellay

Hi Golden - We quit at the same time. I too loved the wine, and realized that I took "having a glass with dinner" meant drinking as much of it as possible. I am sad, scared and nervous about a life without wine and drinks and cocktails and bubbly and and and ...BUT am resolved to not have a "Day 1" again.

biminiblue

Spin cycle. I can so relate to that.

Grief is hard - it's part of what pushed me back to drinking after 18 years of not drinking, so I know it's tough.

I finally realized that there was nothing I could do about the deaths of my family members and that they really would be mad at me for messing up my life with alcohol.

I repeated the Serenity Prayer a bajillion times in the first couple months I was sober. It was on a constant loop in my head.

golden1987

Hi Purple Knight. Thanks for the welcome. I hope all is going well for you, and am envious that you live in Ireland!

golden1987

Hi Ellay,

I was like that during what I think of as my "social drinking" days -- go out to dinner, and just slurp the wine down like you're a lost soul in the desert, dying of thirst. Totally crazy -- and, I'm quite small, so you can just imagine the impact. I always thought I became so vivacious and hilarious with a few glasses of wine, but have since had to swallow the hard truth that I had become a loud and obnoxious middle-aged woman. Ughhhh!

golden1987

Hi Bimini Blue and thank you for the welcome and for your thoughtful response about grief. I have lost other close family members - but, didn't know that insane roller-coaster ride that would accompany my father's death. It's like you have to go back and re-do all the healing work you've done re: that relationship while they were alive - but now, reconcile it with the fact that there will never be a resolution. It is what it was - accept it, because you can't do anything about it.

I'm not sure I know how to make my responses fall beneath each person's post. Is there a way to do this?

Also -- you seem to be a person of strong faith, based on some of the posts you have shared. Is that from AA?

ccam1973

Welcome Golden1987. Your cycle sounds like mine except I didn't take day 2 off, I would convince myself to drink my hangover away during each day 2 for over 20 years.

For me, the cycle got worse with time until I was drinking around the clock... Fully functioning; at least in my mind.

Glad you are here with this community. Stay close and post often. Great support here!

Best of luck.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry for the loss of your father earlier this year.

I became isolated in my drinking days too and lost contact with friends. It's easy to see why we spiral down and it's really hard to stop the spiral. Coming here is a good step in the right direction.

luvmygirls

Hi Golden! Congratulations on Day 5. I'm really sorry to hear about your father. Welcome to the "posting side" of the forum...I'm sure you will find a lot of understanding and support to overcome your previous "spin cycle" existence. We can all relate! Take care.

golden1987

Oh, dear Lord Josharon -

I would be dead without my day and a half "breaks" (during which I also convinced myself that 'see, no drinking problem here'). Cannot imagine how horrible that must have been for you. How long have you been sober and a part of this group?

golden1987

Thank you for your kind words of sympathy, Anna. I live in Canada but am from the US, and when my father died, had virtually no support from anyone here -- even in my seminary and church!

It says a great deal about the people in this forum when over half the folks who have responded to my intial post offer condolences to a complete stranger.

What a blesing to find you guys.

golden1987

Can anyone tell me how to respond directlly under the poster? Is that possible?

Soberpotamus

Hi and welcome, Golden I'm very sorry for your loss. I too remember feeling dumbfounded by the silence surrounding my own mother's death... and how very few people made any sort of attempt to contact me and ask if I was ok. It seems people don't know what to say, and so they end up saying nothing, which compounded my feelings of guilt and sadness and shock. I ended up checking myself into an IOP program three years after my mom's death in order to finally grieve around human beings... and sadly, they were strangers. But, it worked!

SR is a great supportive community. It has helped me a lot. Glad you are here!

Stayingsober72

Hi Golden, I had a similar cycle for a long time until it became an everyday obsession. It's great that you are taking control now before it gets worse. Welcome

Hevyn

Great to meet you Golden.

Condolences on the loss of your father. I'm sure he'd be proud to see you climb out of the pit. We know you can do it - life can be filled with hope once again.

biminiblue

See the little button at the bottom of my post? Click that, and a box will open with this post in it. Then you write in that box and we will know who you are replying to.



You asked earlier if AA was part of my recovery or faith.

I went to AA for the first three months of my sobriety. It was helpful in that it got me up, dressed, and out of the house and around people every morning (I went every day.) AA has good common sense tools and catch phrases that got me through that difficult early time. I had a previous long stint of sobriety (without AA) and I had learned a lot of what AA's method teaches in other places. I think when enough "life" happens, I look for solutions to keep me sane. So when I went to AA, I already knew the concepts. It is a helpful place to be for some people, but in the end it was not for me.

I have always had a belief in the positive power in the Universe, the God consciousness if you will. It isn't something that one can really walk away from - it just Is. So I have made a decision to purposefully connect with it - it is the only thing that has ever given me peace and clarity. Lots of different ways to interpret it and to seek it, so that's what I do.

Dee74

Welcome golden1987

I'm sorry for your loss.

Don't worry about the volume you drank either...I really believe it's not how much you drink, but how it makes you feel and what happens to you when you do that's important here.

a problem is a problem

D

weirdesttoner

Hey. I can relate to that. 10-7 years ago i was a weekend drinker.

Then 4-7 years ago i was just like you. One day on, one off.

Then things have gotten more interesting.
In the past 4 years my alcoholism was progressively gotten worse and worse, faster and faster. For example, last year i was 4 times worse than the other year.

But don't make the mistake to believe that if you are "progressing" a lot slower you are on the safe side.
We all are in the same train with no brakes speeding towards you know where... Jump while you still can, because it will be more and more difficult as time passes.

LE: Sorry for your loss, i know it can be a difficult time.