Lola23

Hi All,
Well it's 34 days here. Being doing well and for the most part, feeling really good. However, I'm still struggling to find ways to keep busy and keep from being bored. In the past month, I've started embracing getting up early on weekends and going to my favorite coffee shop where I read and people watch for a bit. And then finding random other things to do. But eventually I find myself bored on my couch surfing the 'net and watching reruns of old shows (the Golden Girls anyone?). I don't want to drink, but I sometimes miss just sitting at a bar having a drink b/c it would at least turn into a conversation with someone else also at the bar, or with the bartender. And no...that just doesn't happen with the person sitting next to you at the coffee shop for some reason. I wish it did.
And I've tried coming up with alternatives with friends that don't revolve around drinking...like movies, the theater, whatever else, but no one really seems interested if dinner and drinks aren't involved. I do go by myself when I can, but its still...lonely.

I don't have a boyfriend/husband/family to keep me occupied. I don't know...I should look for a "hobby" but I don't even know where to start.

MIRecovery

For me AA fixes all of the problems you are grappling with

Avice

I'm a bit lonely right now as well (I live alone)...but let me tell you a short story.

On the last day that I drank, I ended up going to a bar. I also find it easy to start conversations in bars when I'm drunk. I ended up in a bit of a discussion/debate about one of Tarantino's movies (can't remember which one). A full 20 minutes into this intellectual discourse, the man I was speaking to revealed that he hadn't actually seen the whole movie. I do believe that was my last drink.

Nothing wrong with watching reruns of Golden Girls, but I understand that can get a bit old. Have you thought about volunteer work? I'm thinking about it. I do have a hobby (I'm a musician), but I need some human contact as well.

Change4good

Sounds trite, but consider volunteering? For me, becoming part of something beyond me, joining others in a cause, feeling good about giving back. . .all anecdotes for boredom and feeling alone.

Congrats on the sobriety.

JasonNorth

Gym is a good one.

get into some classes.

Inflagrante

Hey Lola. Are you into sports at all? I used to rock climb, and it's super social and lots of fun. Once I lose some weight, I'm definitely going to get back into it. Rock climbing gyms seems to be everywhere in the US, and I know that the gym I used to go to had a message board where you could find a partner. The gym would also help set people up who didn't have partners.

Oh, there's also meetup.com. That is such a great resource for getting out and trying new things. I had been planning on staying in Mexico for a few years, but I think I'm going to move back to states when my lease is up so I can take my own advice about the climbing and meetup!

Soberwolf

hi lola how about joining a book club

sounds boring but quite fun

Alynn

I agree with the volunteering.... You will be surprised how good it feels to help others

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

ANewDayNYC

I have basically the same exact problem. On weekends where I don't go out, I feel very bored in my apartment. Also, nearly all my friends drink. I need to make a list of things to do on weekends to keep me occupied.

Lola23

Thanks everyone -- all good suggestions.

I have definitely thought of volunteering, but where I live, volunteering opportunites are in such high demand that generally you apply for a position and are put on a waiting list...and it can take months before a position opens up. I'm on the waiting list for a handful of places. It's a good problem for a community to have though.

The gym is on my list...I do need to get my butt in gear on that one. But as far as social type sports...nope. Not for me. I was the kid always picked last for a team in gym, so I avoid these like the plague.

Lola23

I assume from your screen name that you live in NYC. I also live in a big metropolitan city..so it really seems like we shouldn't get bored!! Maybe it just takes time to find our groove...

ANewDayNYC

I found a cool coffeeshop the other day that I like to go to on weekdays which has kept me occupied. Unfortunately, on weekends they sort of turn it into a wine bar.

Congratulations on 34 days – that’s pretty amazing. I have been able to completely stop drinking on weekdays which I am proud of, but I’m still struggling on weekends.

I like reading so I think I might try to go to Barnes&Noble more often.

Lola23

Same! Mine turns into a wine/beer bar in the evenings...so its still fair game for me during the day.

2muchpain

Have you considered meetups.com? Most of the activities do involve drinking at some point, but some do not.

Anna

Our Sticky:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

trachemys

You can come clean my apartment. That should take a few hours.

grubby

I hear ya, I had a lot of boredom right up until June or so. Developing and cultivating new hobbies and interests seems to be very important for coping with the boredom.

I contend that apart from the potentially deadly withdrawal phase, the boredom is by far the hardest part of being sober.

Suddenly there is nothing to do on Friday/Saturday nights, suddenly you have to turn down drinking invitations from friends/acquaintances, suddenly you find yourself in an awkward position at events where booze is present such as weddings, parties, dinners, etc.

The good news is, once you do find something to keep your mind busy, it gets a lot better

I am on day 208 if you are curious. In a couple more months i'll have a year under my belt, i am looking forward to it.

bunnezjp

I found a Rubix cube last week when I was cleaning...been keeping me busy ever since.

I hate that freakin' cube.

Bunnez

happyandfree

Volunteering is exactly what I did. And it's the greatest. I volunteer in a kids program and I'm having so much fun with it, it's getting me out of the house (to something other than work), and I'm meeting some new people. I live alone also so I really needed something since I wasn't lying around the house hungover all weekend.

Ruby2

You could have kids and sit around on Saturday nights, folding load after load of laundry while watching cartoons. I am teasing but I think in some ways it is a matter of recalibrating expectations. We all expect to go out and have fun and drink on Fridays and Saturdays and when that isn't a feasible option we feel a lack of something. I would get restless. Nowadays I love the peace and quiet. I'm not too happy when I can't find matches to any of the million socks but that's a different story.

I go to a beginners AA meeting on Fridays at seven. That helps. Saturdays I usually sit home. If you are looking to volunteer I don't know if you are available during the day but maybe volunteer to read to kids or tutor them at your local school? It is hard when everyone expects entertainment and company to involve drinking. Maybe a different coffee shop?