Started reading the aa big book and have a question
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Started reading the aa big book and have a question
I found the AA book online and read the introduction about Bill. I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of a higher power and what I need to do.
When I surrender to this higher power what happens? How does it feel? Is this higher power in control of me? Will he/she/it stop me from drinking? I am not being silly with these questions even if they seem silly.
I pray regularly, though I don't go to church. When I pray I begin by saying "dear God,....." but I am not sure what it all means. I have prayed to god to stop drinking but it hasn't happened yet. How do I find this higher power, this complete surrender that will get me to the other side? Any insight on this would be helpful. I don't think I will make it far with AA unless I can fully comprehend this concept.
I tend to think that I can pray, hope, whine and wail til the cows come home, but at the end of the day it is me who has to not pick up that first drink. Would love to hear others' thoughts on this.
As I have mentioned, in person AA meetings are sparse here and difficult for me to attend, but I am willing to explore any option, any recovery program out there.
When I surrender to this higher power what happens? How does it feel? Is this higher power in control of me? Will he/she/it stop me from drinking? I am not being silly with these questions even if they seem silly.
I pray regularly, though I don't go to church. When I pray I begin by saying "dear God,....." but I am not sure what it all means. I have prayed to god to stop drinking but it hasn't happened yet. How do I find this higher power, this complete surrender that will get me to the other side? Any insight on this would be helpful. I don't think I will make it far with AA unless I can fully comprehend this concept.
I tend to think that I can pray, hope, whine and wail til the cows come home, but at the end of the day it is me who has to not pick up that first drink. Would love to hear others' thoughts on this.
As I have mentioned, in person AA meetings are sparse here and difficult for me to attend, but I am willing to explore any option, any recovery program out there.
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First of all, God, by definition, is not anything we can understand. So don't try to define or get a complete understanding of God. Your own idea of God, however incomplete it may be, is fine. This is what is referred to as "the god of my understanding", or as one AA buddy puts it "my lack of understanding".
The way it feels is different for everyone, and not really important.
Secondly, don't preemptively trip out about how you are going to work the program. You should do it step by step.
Next, read the entire book, not just the beginning of it. I am not asking you to try AA, I am asking you to read the entire book. Your decision on trying AA or not will come later.
Then after reading the entire book, if you want to try AA, we can get started. If you can't find local meetings - and I mean literally CAN NOT FIND local meetings, not that it is "hard" or "tough with your schedule" or "a bit farther away than you'd like" - then we can exchange email, Skype, etc. and I'll take you through the 12 steps the way my sponsor did with me.
An understanding of your higher power, the serenity you hear us talk about, the way the urge to drink dissipates, and much, much more - these are all results of working the steps, not prerequisites for working them.
The way it feels is different for everyone, and not really important.
Secondly, don't preemptively trip out about how you are going to work the program. You should do it step by step.
Next, read the entire book, not just the beginning of it. I am not asking you to try AA, I am asking you to read the entire book. Your decision on trying AA or not will come later.
Then after reading the entire book, if you want to try AA, we can get started. If you can't find local meetings - and I mean literally CAN NOT FIND local meetings, not that it is "hard" or "tough with your schedule" or "a bit farther away than you'd like" - then we can exchange email, Skype, etc. and I'll take you through the 12 steps the way my sponsor did with me.
An understanding of your higher power, the serenity you hear us talk about, the way the urge to drink dissipates, and much, much more - these are all results of working the steps, not prerequisites for working them.
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Originally Posted by Taking5 
First of all, God, by definition, is not anything we can understand. So don't try to define or get a complete understanding of God. Your own idea of God, however incomplete it may be, is fine. This is what is referred to as "the god of my understanding", or as one AA buddy puts it "my lack of understanding".
The way it feels is different for everyone, and not really important.
Secondly, don't preemptively trip out about how you are going to work the program. You should do it step by step.
Next, read the entire book, not just the beginning of it. I am not asking you to try AA, I am asking you to read the entire book. Your decision on trying AA or not will come later.
Then after reading the entire book, if you want to try AA, we can get started. If you can't find local meetings - and I mean literally CAN NOT FIND local meetings, not that it is "hard" or "tough with your schedule" or "a bit farther away than you'd like" - then we can exchange email, Skype, etc. and I'll take you through the 12 steps the way my sponsor did with me.
An understanding of your higher power, the serenity you hear us talk about, the way the urge to drink dissipates, and much, much more - these are all results of working the steps, not prerequisites for working them.
The way it feels is different for everyone, and not really important.
Secondly, don't preemptively trip out about how you are going to work the program. You should do it step by step.
Next, read the entire book, not just the beginning of it. I am not asking you to try AA, I am asking you to read the entire book. Your decision on trying AA or not will come later.
Then after reading the entire book, if you want to try AA, we can get started. If you can't find local meetings - and I mean literally CAN NOT FIND local meetings, not that it is "hard" or "tough with your schedule" or "a bit farther away than you'd like" - then we can exchange email, Skype, etc. and I'll take you through the 12 steps the way my sponsor did with me.
An understanding of your higher power, the serenity you hear us talk about, the way the urge to drink dissipates, and much, much more - these are all results of working the steps, not prerequisites for working them.
Wow, thank you so much for this post. Thank you thank you thank you.
There is 1 meeting here once a week, but it is at 21:30 at night and my kids are in bed. Even if there were childcare available (there isn't) I couldn't ring them with me and keep them awake until 23:00 when we'd arrive home. They are young and have school the next day.
The nearest day meeting I could find is 1 hour 40 minutes away via train, so with getting to the train station, then walking to the meeting, it would be about 2+ hours each way. Possible, maybe, but I'd really have to have everything run perfectly to manage getting the kids to and from school on either end of this.
I will read the entire book. I would love to stay in contact for any questions I might have. I am really serious about doing this but I simply cannot avoid the demands of my life when it comes to my children. I am without family or friends here who can help with that and their father is very regularly out of the country for work.
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Excellent post Taking5 and I second the suggestion to read the entire book. You don't have to understand everything to read it. Just read it.
Faith is what I had when I came into AA. Faith that the people and the program could help me. My HP at the start was nothing more than the book suggests. A power greater than me.
It can be anything you wish to identify with as something that has more power then just you alone.
In the beginning many look at the people of AA as their HP. Those people combined are a power greater than myself. GOD can equal Group Of Drunks.
Faith is what I had when I came into AA. Faith that the people and the program could help me. My HP at the start was nothing more than the book suggests. A power greater than me.
It can be anything you wish to identify with as something that has more power then just you alone.
In the beginning many look at the people of AA as their HP. Those people combined are a power greater than myself. GOD can equal Group Of Drunks.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Good response here.
I will add this - which has helped me.
My sponsor told me I don't need to do or believe anything beyond the possibility that there might be a power greater than myself and that a relationship with that power might help me.
In the morning, he told me. Just say 'please help me'.
And before bed, just say 'thank you'.
That's it. Simple.
It clicked for me watching the sunrise. No matter how hard I might try to will the sun not to rise.... It does. So there is objective daily proof there is a power greater than me. I don't know what it is, I don't know how it works, but I am willing to consider that I can interact with it and that my placing some faith in it will help me.
So far, it has worked.
Tha Big Book takes a more Christian view. Don't let that bother you. It was written a long time ago. You need not believe the same God as the book or anyone else. Read it through and read all the personal stories. Read it several times. You will learn a lot if you keep an open mind and view it simply as a tool for your own growth.
I will add this - which has helped me.
My sponsor told me I don't need to do or believe anything beyond the possibility that there might be a power greater than myself and that a relationship with that power might help me.
In the morning, he told me. Just say 'please help me'.
And before bed, just say 'thank you'.
That's it. Simple.
It clicked for me watching the sunrise. No matter how hard I might try to will the sun not to rise.... It does. So there is objective daily proof there is a power greater than me. I don't know what it is, I don't know how it works, but I am willing to consider that I can interact with it and that my placing some faith in it will help me.
So far, it has worked.
Tha Big Book takes a more Christian view. Don't let that bother you. It was written a long time ago. You need not believe the same God as the book or anyone else. Read it through and read all the personal stories. Read it several times. You will learn a lot if you keep an open mind and view it simply as a tool for your own growth.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
It seems you already have a belief in a higher power, which is a great place to start. I'd suggest asking that HP for clarity, direction, and strength and then getting yourself to some AA meetings. There are lots of different thoughts on the questions you asked, and no definitive answers. You're asking the type questions that have been asked and argued since the beginning of time.
I don't believe in a traditional god. I prayed, nonetheless, during my drinking also. It took years before I actually put the drink down. It's now been over 30 years since I picked a drink up. Did "god" do that? I don't know. But I still pray, I still go to meetings from time to time, and I apply the 12 steps to my life as best I can on a daily basis. I know also that there is absolutely nothing physically stopping me from walking to the corner store right now, buying a 40 oz, popping it open and downing it. Nothing other than the fact that I have absolutely 0 desire to do it. And I won't.
Sounds like you're in a really good spot actually. Reading the big book, praying, and wanting not to drink anymore. How badly do you not want to drink? And how open minded and willing are you to do whatever might be necessary in order to facilitate your not drinking? Those were 2 important questions that were asked of me early on, and I think the answers to those questions are a good indicator of how successful one might be in finding freedom from from this very insidious, and deadly malady we all here share.
I don't believe in a traditional god. I prayed, nonetheless, during my drinking also. It took years before I actually put the drink down. It's now been over 30 years since I picked a drink up. Did "god" do that? I don't know. But I still pray, I still go to meetings from time to time, and I apply the 12 steps to my life as best I can on a daily basis. I know also that there is absolutely nothing physically stopping me from walking to the corner store right now, buying a 40 oz, popping it open and downing it. Nothing other than the fact that I have absolutely 0 desire to do it. And I won't.
Sounds like you're in a really good spot actually. Reading the big book, praying, and wanting not to drink anymore. How badly do you not want to drink? And how open minded and willing are you to do whatever might be necessary in order to facilitate your not drinking? Those were 2 important questions that were asked of me early on, and I think the answers to those questions are a good indicator of how successful one might be in finding freedom from from this very insidious, and deadly malady we all here share.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
try praying for strength to help you to stop drinking.....
we have free will and as long as you are still buying, pouring and drinking, a higher power will be "too much of a gentleman" to stop you from doing so, but, if you put some effort into not drinking and ask for strength to make it through a few days of not drinking, then maybe you will be clearer to work through those steps with thoroughness and honesty.....those steps help us to find a power greater than us.....
an experience is difficult to explain
we have free will and as long as you are still buying, pouring and drinking, a higher power will be "too much of a gentleman" to stop you from doing so, but, if you put some effort into not drinking and ask for strength to make it through a few days of not drinking, then maybe you will be clearer to work through those steps with thoroughness and honesty.....those steps help us to find a power greater than us.....
an experience is difficult to explain
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
Wow, thank you so much for this post. Thank you thank you thank you.
There is 1 meeting here once a week, but it is at 21:30 at night and my kids are in bed. Even if there were childcare available (there isn't) I couldn't ring them with me and keep them awake until 23:00 when we'd arrive home. They are young and have school the next day.
The nearest day meeting I could find is 1 hour 40 minutes away via train, so with getting to the train station, then walking to the meeting, it would be about 2+ hours each way. Possible, maybe, but I'd really have to have everything run perfectly to manage getting the kids to and from school on either end of this.
I will read the entire book. I would love to stay in contact for any questions I might have. I am really serious about doing this but I simply cannot avoid the demands of my life when it comes to my children. I am without family or friends here who can help with that and their father is very regularly out of the country for work.
There is 1 meeting here once a week, but it is at 21:30 at night and my kids are in bed. Even if there were childcare available (there isn't) I couldn't ring them with me and keep them awake until 23:00 when we'd arrive home. They are young and have school the next day.
The nearest day meeting I could find is 1 hour 40 minutes away via train, so with getting to the train station, then walking to the meeting, it would be about 2+ hours each way. Possible, maybe, but I'd really have to have everything run perfectly to manage getting the kids to and from school on either end of this.
I will read the entire book. I would love to stay in contact for any questions I might have. I am really serious about doing this but I simply cannot avoid the demands of my life when it comes to my children. I am without family or friends here who can help with that and their father is very regularly out of the country for work.
even though i loved my kids with every beat of my heart i couldnt give up the drink for them
it tore me apart with the guild and shame i had for losing my kids and the only answer i had for it was to drink even more as it was the social workers fault they took my kids away and the police fault or my ex wife fault
only when i finaly was ready and beaten was i ready to go to aa and accept there help
not all people go down this path and they manage to keep there jobs home familys etc i never understand how these people got sober or why, but thats what makes us all differnt and on different paths, but the fact is it can be stopped in time, should you wish to save yourself from going down the path i went down
i am very much an odd man out around many aa meetings as people didnt lose it all when they came in and they believe a god protected them from losing it all etc and good luck to them but please dont let the business of a god put you off from finding the help i found in aa
i have a hp and its the fellowship of aa i believe it worked for me and got me sober and more than that as i result i got my kids back and my life back on track
the steps help me to face me as a person and how to change daily, i dont believe a god comes down and takes it all away like some do, i know i have to live daily in this new way of life and its hard work in the start to change old habbits and old ways of thinking and reacting etc
so for me my advice would always be find yourself an aa meeting and look around, listen to people in the rooms and find people you might like the look of what they have
i would never suggest anyone take up the offer of the first person who offers to take them through the steps as first of all you need to know and believe if your an alcoholic or not
read the book by all means as its all in there, there are many examples of what i came to read shown me if i was an alcoholic or not
but only the meetings were you can see people and hear there storys really convinced me i was like them
there honesty won me over, who in there right mind tells anyone they wet the bed ? i spent my life covering that up,
who tells anyone they smashed there home up or hit there wife or went to prison or was fighting with police etc
on and on it goes as people are so honest but the one thing i got from there honest was identification
thats what i kept on coming back to aa as i knew i belonged there, so try and find meetings that are not step based as these types of meetings are not really good for new comers who will need identification
good luck to you and i hope you dont follow my path with the drinking
i had to put in as much effort into getting sober as i would if i was going out to get a drink
nothing would stop me for going for the drink no excuse in the world
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I wanted to thank you all again for your thoughtful responses. I need to go attend to my children now but have read more of the big book and will continue to read it. For the first time in a long time I feel real hope instead of just desperation to get through another day sober. I hope to hold onto this feeling throughout the day, I have seen how easily I slip back into old patterns of behavior. Thanks again, have a great day everyone, I'll be back later for more reading and sharing. You all are amazing.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Mera, In my copy of the AA Big Book, someone directed me to page 85. It's chapter 6, Into action. This will explain it far better than I could.
For me, surrendering to a higher power is me not trying to think I have all the answers and trying to control everything. Once I let go of all the crap in my life and let go of the things I have no control over, I have been able to not drink. (Btw, still working on all of this-it's a life long process for me)
Whatever you decide about AA, the book still has value. Keep reading.
For me, surrendering to a higher power is me not trying to think I have all the answers and trying to control everything. Once I let go of all the crap in my life and let go of the things I have no control over, I have been able to not drink. (Btw, still working on all of this-it's a life long process for me)
Whatever you decide about AA, the book still has value. Keep reading.
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Sobriety is Traditional
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso
I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of a higher power and what I need to do.
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