Loser alert
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by soberjuly 
Anyhow, was totally fine, went the health food store Trader Joes. The thing about TJs is that they have a big wine section and people, I mean every single person in every line I saw was buying wine. Some by the crate. Most had 3-4 bottles. I got one. I didn't think I could moderate. I didn't think it was right. I just wanted to see what would happen.
I have no cravings today and I love my sleep. I want to have a good night's sleep tonight, there is no way I would drink any alcohol. I was actually surprised one bottle of wine did me in. It really did.
I have no cravings today and I love my sleep. I want to have a good night's sleep tonight, there is no way I would drink any alcohol. I was actually surprised one bottle of wine did me in. It really did.
You call it an experiment. I call it "succumbing to your addiction", simply because your first paragraph seemed to detail events that caused you ..emotional stress. I mean I'm guessing that because you included it.
I gave a "thumbs up" to Nowsthetime's post simply because the tone of your post sounded almost..apathetic...like "big deal..oh well..".
Relapse should be learned from (IMO). I do hope that ..with time..you will be able to better assess what led up to the decision to "pop" a bottle of wine into your basket...and then deliberated on your "experiment" for the next few hours.
I do not meant to sound "judgy" at all SoberJ..I am no stranger to relapse and I do believe, I convinced myself of the ole "experiment" ruse when I ordered a glass of wine in a lounge by the sea last October. I do believe I even recorded my "scientific observations" in my sobriety journal as I drank the second glass...the second glass I had no intention of including in my "experiment" initially.
Although you have no "craves" today as you say...well, I just really hope you stick around here. I enjoy your posts and contributions. I lost my "momentum" in my seaside "experiment". I do believe it was a matter of a couple of weeks before I decided on another "experiment"..but that time, I think it was "just a glass" of wine...cuz ya, I could "handle it". It's a slippery slope.
I didn't start crawling my way back up it til this past May...
I am not saying the same thing will happen to you. You are not me. I am only sharing my experience with my experiment.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Losers don't keep trying - they just fade away and give up. You are back to continue the fight against being a slave to alcohol. We are with you SJ, and we know you can do this. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
SJ, you are here. You could still be out there. I'm not all sure how you can "sound" like anyone says...I mean, we are only typing our thoughts here...but, I digress.
Interesting about your dreams with your teeth falling out; I used to have those dreams when I was using. I think for me losing teeth was a premonition of my failing health. And, it damn near did fail.
I'm glad you came back
Bunnez
Interesting about your dreams with your teeth falling out; I used to have those dreams when I was using. I think for me losing teeth was a premonition of my failing health. And, it damn near did fail.
I'm glad you came back
Bunnez
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Originally Posted by soberjuly
I must have fallen asleep again because I had a very real dream. I didn't realize I was dreaming. I woke up and was getting ready in the morning and I heard a crack and a tooth fell out. Then another. As I was trying to go about my morning routine, my teeth kept falling out until I had about 8-9 in my pocket. Then I woke up and it was 5:30am. I was so relieved it had been a dream. Never had a dream like that before.
Glad you are back, sorry to hear you had a slip. While I can't really give you too much insight about that, I can tell you that your tooth loss dream is all about control. Cracking, breaking or teeth falling out in dreams is about feeling out of control of something in your world. I looked into this when I was in grad school- because I was having those types of dreams every night. It was very disconcerting. Your dreaming mind is trying to tell you something.....
Stay well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
Hey SoberJuly, you're definitely not a loser. You're back here!
Ok, bear with me here. My exboyfriend drove a VW Jetta. After we broke up, whenever I was out or driving anywhere, I would see about a million Jettas on the road. I couldn't drive down the block from my home without seeing at least one. This happened for a few months after our breakup. Now, in reality of course, I'm sure there was the same amount of Jettas on the road as there had always been, but I was noticing them more because my senses were tuned into it, due to the connection with the guy and my feelings toward him.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe something was going on inside you before you even got to Trader Joe's, maybe the stress of driving the kids, maybe the anniversary of 9/11 coming up, maybe something else, maybe a combination, and that led you to pick up that bottle of wine? Like you were tuned into it already, so you noticed that people were buying wine? Plus, I mean, if it was something you really really did not want, it wouldn't matter if other people were buying it. You just wouldn't buy it.
So maybe think back on how you were feeling before you bought that wine, and now that you're back on track, think of some steps you can take the next time you get that feeling, something to do so you won't pick up a drink the next time.
I'm no expert, though. I was only a day behind you. Just spitballing over here. But I believe in you! I know you can do this. We all can.
Anyhow, was totally fine, went the health food store Trader Joes. The thing about TJs is that they have a big wine section and people, I mean every single person in every line I saw was buying wine. Some by the crate. Most had 3-4 bottles. I got one. I didn't think I could moderate. I didn't think it was right. I just wanted to see what would happen. I didn't even have any until quite late in the evening.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe something was going on inside you before you even got to Trader Joe's, maybe the stress of driving the kids, maybe the anniversary of 9/11 coming up, maybe something else, maybe a combination, and that led you to pick up that bottle of wine? Like you were tuned into it already, so you noticed that people were buying wine? Plus, I mean, if it was something you really really did not want, it wouldn't matter if other people were buying it. You just wouldn't buy it.
So maybe think back on how you were feeling before you bought that wine, and now that you're back on track, think of some steps you can take the next time you get that feeling, something to do so you won't pick up a drink the next time.
I'm no expert, though. I was only a day behind you. Just spitballing over here. But I believe in you! I know you can do this. We all can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Soberjuly, it sounds as if 9/11 holds some terror for you still. It was a horrible day for us all but I can see how it must have affected you even more given your career. Next year be prepared, make a plan.. It will help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
When we experiment and get the result we expected there is no need to perform that same experiment again. Especially when others have gotten the same result from the same experiment. We move on taking that learning with us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by soberjuly
Anyhow, was totally fine, went the health food store Trader Joes. The thing about TJs is that they have a big wine section and people, I mean every single person in every line I saw was buying wine. Some by the crate. Most had 3-4 bottles. I got one. I didn't think I could moderate. I didn't think it was right. I just wanted to see what would happen. I didn't even have any until quite late in the evening.
Anyhow, I woke at 3am. My husband only needs about 5 hours of sleep, he was up and asked why I was up. I said "because I drank alcohol, I wanted to see how I would feel and I feel awful." He said "well I hope you don't make this a regular thing." I said "No, I just have a new sobriety date."
Anyhow, I woke at 3am. My husband only needs about 5 hours of sleep, he was up and asked why I was up. I said "because I drank alcohol, I wanted to see how I would feel and I feel awful." He said "well I hope you don't make this a regular thing." I said "No, I just have a new sobriety date."
So the obvious question is what are you going to do different. Here is a gentle suggestion - start with honesty. Just be real Fing honest with those around you. Make the decision and post your thoughts here so you can check your thinking.
I mean did you really wonder what buying a bottle would do? Did you rally wonder what would happen? Lets call it like it is - something was going on in your life and you coped by buying some wine. It happened but by lying to yourself you are minimizing the relapse it minimizes the consequences to yourself.
If you don't believe you are an alcoholic or think you can control it then your not ready for sobriety. This is difficult and scary. I am hopeful that you do accept these things for you and your family's sake and just need some guidance in terms of a program.
Anyhow good for you for getting back so soon, many of us don't.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 234
SoberJuly, Good for you for coming back onto SR and being straight and honest. It takes guts to come here and risk the judgement that comes sometimes from people who have a different take on things. Everybody is at a different stage in their recovery and I think a lot of support and understanding helps more than a hard line. Some people have been hitting their heads against the wall for longer than others, maybe caused a lot more problems for themselves which has led them to a hard won sort of peace with the acceptance of their problem. Have some of you forgotten the stumbles, mistakes that you might have made over and over before you "got it."
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
