Day 5 - Inspiration
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manchester
Posts: 104
Day 5 - Inspiration
I have been reading a lot of posts on this website and even though my handle name is "aloneatlast", I do not feel alone in my recovery.
In my mind, I feel like a plane has crashed in a field and survivors are walking away from it, some go back from time to time to have final drink before escaping the aircraft, other seem to power through the fields of freedom.
The plane is firmly behind and I am looking forward, each day is a step away from picking up a drink.
What does drinking mean to me ?
Well is where I give in to a craving or addiction. I don't want to do but, sometimes I don't have the strength to say no.
The manufacturers of alcohol do their job well, to market drinking as a socially acceptable pastime, but in some people like myself I don't have an off switch.
This doesn't just extend to alcohol, but I am immensely competitive, I like to win. I cant just work 40 hours a week, I must work 60 hours because the extra money means I can fly business class and show off my designer luggage. Very shallow.
It is a flaw in my personality and while it is a personality flaw which probably can be changed, it does seem a hell of a lot easier to just stop drinking.
With drinking comes a lot of problems. I tend to become very depressed, almost self destructive suicidal. I become sexually aggressive, so no amount of normal sexual behaviour is enough and that can destroy relationships that I have had in the past. I have for the most part been able to control things since being married, but it has come at a cost.
I smoked 40 cigarettes a day before I gave up and this was because like I said, I have no off switch. I did manage to give up cigarettes through willpower and I believe that by abstaining from alcohol long enough, I will be able to give up alcohol.
I havent wrecked things with family or business beyond repair, I am in good health and I look forward to a brighter future.
The cravings are a pain, but I dig deep and I say, if I drink now, I will have to drink every day for the rest of my life. This is unacceptable.
I have found a good replacement at meantimes is sparkling lemonade with ice. It seem satisfy the craving to practically zero, while having tea in the evening relaxes me.
SR, give me the camaraderie that there are not just a few people going through the exact same thing as me, but thousands and like a soldier in war, you do not think about the blood and the bullets, you look out for the man standing next to you and you pull each other through it.
Sorry to drag on a long post, I am partly writing this not just for others to draw upon, but also for me to re-read when I am struggling.
Thanks for letting me rant.
In my mind, I feel like a plane has crashed in a field and survivors are walking away from it, some go back from time to time to have final drink before escaping the aircraft, other seem to power through the fields of freedom.
The plane is firmly behind and I am looking forward, each day is a step away from picking up a drink.
What does drinking mean to me ?
Well is where I give in to a craving or addiction. I don't want to do but, sometimes I don't have the strength to say no.
The manufacturers of alcohol do their job well, to market drinking as a socially acceptable pastime, but in some people like myself I don't have an off switch.
This doesn't just extend to alcohol, but I am immensely competitive, I like to win. I cant just work 40 hours a week, I must work 60 hours because the extra money means I can fly business class and show off my designer luggage. Very shallow.
It is a flaw in my personality and while it is a personality flaw which probably can be changed, it does seem a hell of a lot easier to just stop drinking.
With drinking comes a lot of problems. I tend to become very depressed, almost self destructive suicidal. I become sexually aggressive, so no amount of normal sexual behaviour is enough and that can destroy relationships that I have had in the past. I have for the most part been able to control things since being married, but it has come at a cost.
I smoked 40 cigarettes a day before I gave up and this was because like I said, I have no off switch. I did manage to give up cigarettes through willpower and I believe that by abstaining from alcohol long enough, I will be able to give up alcohol.
I havent wrecked things with family or business beyond repair, I am in good health and I look forward to a brighter future.
The cravings are a pain, but I dig deep and I say, if I drink now, I will have to drink every day for the rest of my life. This is unacceptable.
I have found a good replacement at meantimes is sparkling lemonade with ice. It seem satisfy the craving to practically zero, while having tea in the evening relaxes me.
SR, give me the camaraderie that there are not just a few people going through the exact same thing as me, but thousands and like a soldier in war, you do not think about the blood and the bullets, you look out for the man standing next to you and you pull each other through it.
Sorry to drag on a long post, I am partly writing this not just for others to draw upon, but also for me to re-read when I am struggling.
Thanks for letting me rant.
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