Guilt and anxiety
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Guilt and anxiety
Guilt and anxiety have been my constant companions for so long now.
I was sober for 8 months before I had a short relapse in July. I have now been sober since 12th July 2014. I still have huge guilt over this as my parents told me that they cried buckets over me.
Today I had a brief meeting with my addictions therapist. Due to cutbacks, he now has no secretary and he appears to be working on his own. Every time I go in, he is talking to me and doing something else at the same time. Today I sat down and we began chatting, and he pulled a breathalyzer out of his desk drawer. I could not take my eyes off it, and then he pulled out a new thing wrapped in plastic and opened it and attached it. At this stage I was almost having a panic attack. I guess because it represents a lot of past trauma, I don't know. He stood up and said "take care Tetra, see you soon", but I couldn't stand and my eyes were just glued to this. Eventually he looked down and smiled a bit and said "oh don't worry, it's not for you, I have a new client in the room next door". We said our goodbyes and I ran and collapsed into the car.
I am finding things VERY difficult right now, but I will pray for that person tonight and I hope you will pray for me as well xx
I was sober for 8 months before I had a short relapse in July. I have now been sober since 12th July 2014. I still have huge guilt over this as my parents told me that they cried buckets over me.
Today I had a brief meeting with my addictions therapist. Due to cutbacks, he now has no secretary and he appears to be working on his own. Every time I go in, he is talking to me and doing something else at the same time. Today I sat down and we began chatting, and he pulled a breathalyzer out of his desk drawer. I could not take my eyes off it, and then he pulled out a new thing wrapped in plastic and opened it and attached it. At this stage I was almost having a panic attack. I guess because it represents a lot of past trauma, I don't know. He stood up and said "take care Tetra, see you soon", but I couldn't stand and my eyes were just glued to this. Eventually he looked down and smiled a bit and said "oh don't worry, it's not for you, I have a new client in the room next door". We said our goodbyes and I ran and collapsed into the car.
I am finding things VERY difficult right now, but I will pray for that person tonight and I hope you will pray for me as well xx
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