mapp

too much has happened that I don't think I can overcome. 2 DUIs, jailtime,probation, career lost, marriage ended, kids suffering. I want to move forward, my old boss of 20 years is done with me - no hope of a reference, even. Very, very sad and discouraged. I don't know where to go from here. I'm going to lose the wondeful man in my life now, because I contribute nothing. when we met, I was self reliant, no more.

ScottFromWI

Where do you go from here? Start small. Ask your man what you can to do contribute. Seek some training or apply for jobs with different references - use personal ones rather than work ones. Go to an AA meeting - maybe you can find some volunteer work that will garner you a good reference.

Bottom line though, DO NOT DRINK. Of all the choices you could make today that would make things worse, the ONLY one would be to drink. If you stay sober you do have a chance to overcome much of what you listed.

soberclover

Early sobriety does bring a lot of changes and some times there are some not so great changes. The reality is that life does get better each and every day that we do not drink.

mapp

funny how people here care more than those with whom I've had a relationship forever,

growpath

Hey mapp.

we all gotta start somewhere. But, you have to start. Take that step. Drinking today would be moving backwards and would not solve a thing. Not drinking will get you further away from the situation you are in.

things will get better you just have to keep stepping forward, sober.

always helps me to write down each issue and attempt to write a solution.

stay sober and I wish you well!

Dee74

Hi Mapp

It might seem like the difficulties are too much...but you just work at them day by day, like the rest of us.

I absolutely believe recovery is not too hard for anyone of us - you can do this

ccam1973

Mapp, I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit...

Start here, today, right now.

Stay sober, that's a great start.

Have you talked it out with your man? Does he know how you are feeling, that you are struggling?

Maybe you can come up with a solution mutually. One thing I know for sure is if you drink today, then you are taking a giant leap backwards! It will just hurt what is already hurting in you even more.

It is not worth the pain.

Stay strong.

KateL

The only way is up xxxxx

Wastinglife

I know that feeling of hopelessness Mapp. I am struggling to get my life back after losing everything. I have been in recovery for 3 years now and things have not been easy. I have had a few job offers rescinded after the background check. DUI (a criminal offense) and a bankruptcy raise too many red flags. I have no relevant references either.

To be honest, however, I hated my career and previous life. I was a an equity trader and lived very well for a while but I was miserable. I don't know why I got into finance to begin with because I hate math haha.

Look at your situation as an opportunity to build a new life. I am actually happy now. I am broke, working a menial job, and have no social life but I know that there are greener pastures ahead. As long as I stay sober of course.

SoberComposer

Hi Mapp,

The first time that I quit it was like that but with other circumstances. The reality of my bad decisions and alcohol abuse came crashing down on me when I no longer could escape it. It felt like I had nothing left in the sober world. But it is a fleating reality that you can change. All of the small, intricate pieces can all be worked on and your kingdom can be built. You may slip at some point but staying focused and coming here to SR will greatly help with all of our slow progression into a new sober normal and all the benefits that come with!

I think it's important to never ignore or give up the fact that we can't drink if we want any significant control to direct our lives into the future.

Many of us may make our first few weeks look easy because we have tried to "control" it for years. I hope that's not intimidating for new people.

You can do this Mapp!!
You deserve it!

Hevyn

Mapp, We do care about you - and I'm so glad you posted about this.

I was in the same situation when I joined SR. 2 DUI's, lost respect of everyone I knew, health issues, financial nightmare, etc. It was overwhelming and all I knew to do was numb myself. I dug my way out by starting small and taking it slow, like the others have said. One by one the problems will go away. We know that pouring alcohol over everything will only prolong the nightmare. You can do this Mapp.

Anna

Mapp, I know it can seem overwhelming, but you can get through this.

Try to figure out what you can do to help at home and contribute, what you can do to find a new job. Sometimes a volunteer position can lead to a paying job, or at least you can get some good references.

Take it slow and do what you can each day and things will come together for you.

Nonsensical

Sometimes people care, but they just can't understand the obsession with alcohol - and it frustrates them.

We've been there. We understand.

Chin up. You can do this!

Tonymblue

I agree. Baby steps. Be proud of yourself. Make everyday better than the last. You can do it. Go forward. Hell, i used to drink mouthwash when i was out of booze.

jdooner

When you have no expectations in someone its often easier to care - its genuine. Some of the people you have had relationships with forever attach and expect certain things. Part of getting better for me was figuring out who and what is good for me. AlAnon speaks of loving detachment. Don't let others drown you. When someone is drowning they will try to pull you under even when they don't mean it - they don't have to be drinking to do this. Early sobriety is about being gentle and selfish for you!

shirlygirly

I've seen many people overcome much worse, Mapp. I also know the feeling of hopelessness you describe. I felt like that, too.

Sometimes, especially early on, you have to break each day down to one minute at a time. Keep posting. There's lots of support here.

Resolv

Hey MAPP,

Don't be so sure your old boss of 20 years will give you a bad reference. Have someone call him portraying themselves as a potential employer and have your "employer" explain she/he is looking for someone to perform similar duties that you performed in your old job. Couldn't hurt.

resolute50

You're not alone.
I'm all done with my job of 23 years this Friday. Closing our branch to save money.
I spent the last week cleaning out my office and my tools from the shop.

I'm a little scared and don't know what the future holds.
But I do know that I need to stay sober. I need to make good decisions during this time.
Maybe we both need to let the dust settle before we decide what direction to go.
And perhaps are fears are bigger than what lies ahead of us.

The key is to not fall into a trap that alcohol/addiction sets for us in these times that we are tested.

Kaneda8888

Hey Mapp

Don't ever give up ! If you keep trying, you will not be failing. There are times when it seems really bleak but it is very true that the bad times will eventually go away if you stay sober. That doesn't mean life will be a bed of roses but definitely it does mean that, over time, you will be able to handle life's ups and downs. Do you have other means of support such as AA ? Having a recovery plan and support system is crucial I believe. Its extremely difficult to make it alone. At the least, stay close to SR ! SR is your safe haven !

MelindaFlowers

A very wise person once told me that "the only thing you can't come back from is death." There are many, many people who picked up the shambles of their life and started again. The only thing is they had to stop drinking first to do it. There is no clarity and life feels hopeless when we're drunk or hungover.

You can turn this around.