Alcoholic Single Father--How Long Were You in Denial?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: San Jose
Posts: 1
Alcoholic Single Father--How Long Were You in Denial?
Hello, All,
I am new to this forum—and reading all of the threads from other alcoholics (and addicts too) has been enlightening. Today marks 120 days since I decided to stop drinking. Of course, like many of us, I had to lose something special to finally look at who I truly became after years of heavy drinking. I am still shocked by the amount of denial that existed within my mind and body—and when I looked in the mirror, after the denial faded, I was disgusted. I have joint legal/physical custody of my 5.5 year old daughter—and she means everything to me. I lost all love for myself during my darkest hour—and somehow held it all together, by the skin of my teeth, because of the love I have for my baby girl. Her mother and I split when she was just one—and I ended up in a three year relationship with a wonderful woman who loved me for me…but in the end, my alcoholism destroyed our relationship. I have come to terms with losing her—and didn’t quit just because of the loss—but I have dedicated my life to being clean, sober, more productive and learning to love myself. I live in San Jose, CA, far from family (who all live in Philadelphia)—so it’s just me out here, which can be hard at times. However, going through the recovery process, thus far, has been unbelievable in a good way. I was riddled with anxiety, migraine head-aches and other health issues—and I blamed everything else for my issues besides the actual root problem…alcohol. I lost the ability to express emotions and feelings productively—I literally became another person…someone I never want to become again. Just like my ex had to leave the person I became—so did I, and I never want to look at that person in the mirror again. Just 120 days clean—I lost 25 pounds, my anxiety/migraines have greatly diminished and my ability to be a father has grown immensely. Anyone out there who is struggling, just know, life only gets better each day you decide not to drink. One day at a time—lets’ keep it up. Thank you everyone for the support you provide other addicts and alcoholics.
I am new to this forum—and reading all of the threads from other alcoholics (and addicts too) has been enlightening. Today marks 120 days since I decided to stop drinking. Of course, like many of us, I had to lose something special to finally look at who I truly became after years of heavy drinking. I am still shocked by the amount of denial that existed within my mind and body—and when I looked in the mirror, after the denial faded, I was disgusted. I have joint legal/physical custody of my 5.5 year old daughter—and she means everything to me. I lost all love for myself during my darkest hour—and somehow held it all together, by the skin of my teeth, because of the love I have for my baby girl. Her mother and I split when she was just one—and I ended up in a three year relationship with a wonderful woman who loved me for me…but in the end, my alcoholism destroyed our relationship. I have come to terms with losing her—and didn’t quit just because of the loss—but I have dedicated my life to being clean, sober, more productive and learning to love myself. I live in San Jose, CA, far from family (who all live in Philadelphia)—so it’s just me out here, which can be hard at times. However, going through the recovery process, thus far, has been unbelievable in a good way. I was riddled with anxiety, migraine head-aches and other health issues—and I blamed everything else for my issues besides the actual root problem…alcohol. I lost the ability to express emotions and feelings productively—I literally became another person…someone I never want to become again. Just like my ex had to leave the person I became—so did I, and I never want to look at that person in the mirror again. Just 120 days clean—I lost 25 pounds, my anxiety/migraines have greatly diminished and my ability to be a father has grown immensely. Anyone out there who is struggling, just know, life only gets better each day you decide not to drink. One day at a time—lets’ keep it up. Thank you everyone for the support you provide other addicts and alcoholics.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome and good for you for deciding to live a sober life. It sounds like you're already seeing lots of positive results.
I, too, am shocked by the level of denial that was going on in my head. It shows how very powerful this disease is.
I, too, am shocked by the level of denial that was going on in my head. It shows how very powerful this disease is.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Spring, TX
Posts: 41
Welcome LCIV.
I almost lost my family due to alcohol before embracing sobriety. I am now a much better husband and father than I previously was. My denial was that I was drinking and being a good husband/father. Reality is that you cannot serve 2 masters.
I'm 94 days clean, so I'm learning too, but I like my new self better.
CK
I almost lost my family due to alcohol before embracing sobriety. I am now a much better husband and father than I previously was. My denial was that I was drinking and being a good husband/father. Reality is that you cannot serve 2 masters.
I'm 94 days clean, so I'm learning too, but I like my new self better.
CK
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hampshire, UK
Posts: 53
I'm only on day 3. However, today I know I won't be drinking, today I am confident.
I don't know what I was in all those years - im not quite sure it was denial, more like ignorance?! However, now that I know what I'm doing to myself, now that I see the truth & can imagine the future - well, you can't unknow what you know, can you..? Dammit!
Definitely no denial here, just anger, fear, idiocy, wistfulness and a certain kinda sadness that I've never felt before.
Someone mentioned treating sobriety as an experiment - that sounds easier to me, im also glad to learn that physically im not gonna suffer much longer. That's gotta make it easier, right?
Well done on your time sober - inspirational!
I don't know what I was in all those years - im not quite sure it was denial, more like ignorance?! However, now that I know what I'm doing to myself, now that I see the truth & can imagine the future - well, you can't unknow what you know, can you..? Dammit!
Definitely no denial here, just anger, fear, idiocy, wistfulness and a certain kinda sadness that I've never felt before.
Someone mentioned treating sobriety as an experiment - that sounds easier to me, im also glad to learn that physically im not gonna suffer much longer. That's gotta make it easier, right?
Well done on your time sober - inspirational!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR. Fantastic first post! 
I knew I had a problem with alcohol when I was 22. I went to my first AA meeting at age 26. It took me until I was 48 to accept that abstinence was the only realistic solution for me. I think it's safe to say there was some denial in there, along with some big doses of ignorance and stubbornness.
I knew I had a problem with alcohol when I was 22. I went to my first AA meeting at age 26. It took me until I was 48 to accept that abstinence was the only realistic solution for me. I think it's safe to say there was some denial in there, along with some big doses of ignorance and stubbornness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Good question. I was never in denial. I knew I drank way, way too much and I knew that I had to stop. I guess my only denial was that I would stop tomorrow.
It was always tomorrow.
Then tomorrow finally came when I felt I couldn't continue on any longer. I was depressed every day and only felt normal when drinking. I was functioning at work but just barely. Finally, tomorrow came and I stopped drinking in late June. I had to make myself physically ill to stop. Not in the hangover way, but in the way where your whole body has hurt for so long that you don't even remember what it's like not to be hungover. The only relief from the hangover was the five or six hours every evening where I drank my 12-15 units of alcohol. Then I would wake up in the morning hating life and feeling like I might die that day.
I didn't think I could actually stop but I did. It takes wanting to be sober more than you want to drink. All the old cliches are true. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're given the gift of desperation. You will do anything to stop drinking.
It also has to come from within you because why stop when we're alone for the evening? When you truly want it you can do it.
It was always tomorrow.
Then tomorrow finally came when I felt I couldn't continue on any longer. I was depressed every day and only felt normal when drinking. I was functioning at work but just barely. Finally, tomorrow came and I stopped drinking in late June. I had to make myself physically ill to stop. Not in the hangover way, but in the way where your whole body has hurt for so long that you don't even remember what it's like not to be hungover. The only relief from the hangover was the five or six hours every evening where I drank my 12-15 units of alcohol. Then I would wake up in the morning hating life and feeling like I might die that day.
I didn't think I could actually stop but I did. It takes wanting to be sober more than you want to drink. All the old cliches are true. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're given the gift of desperation. You will do anything to stop drinking.
It also has to come from within you because why stop when we're alone for the evening? When you truly want it you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: North of the border
Posts: 125
[QUOTE=LCIV;4848707]I blamed everything else for my issues besides the actual root problem…alcohol. I lost the ability to express emotions and feelings productively—I literally became another person…someone I never want to become again. Just like my ex had to leave the person I became—so did I, and I never want to look at that person in the mirror again.
Well said. Thank you for sharing.
Well said. Thank you for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
This is a great post. Thank you!
From another single daddy to daughters...
I relate to everything you said from 235 days out, it's all only gotten better.
I also lived in CA, that can be a tough place to live clean but roll on with it man, you're on the right track!!
SoberDadsUnite!!!
From another single daddy to daughters...
I relate to everything you said from 235 days out, it's all only gotten better.
I also lived in CA, that can be a tough place to live clean but roll on with it man, you're on the right track!!
SoberDadsUnite!!!
Left the bottle behind 4/16/2015
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,416
I'm also a single father with joint custody of 2 daughters. So much about your post I can relate to. I am about 70 days sober. My history is dotted with numerous stops and starts and I think it's finally sinking in that drinking is completely incompatible with living the kind of life I want to live. It's the pathway to pain, suffering, misery, and death.
Really great post and best wishes to you. Keep it up!
Really great post and best wishes to you. Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hard to say. I was in serious denial for at least ten years. And I drank hard for another ten where I understood it was getting to be a problem but I didn't care. I knew I would have to quit "someday" but I put it off as long as I could. About two years ago it hit me like a ton of bricks; tomorrow had arrived for me, there was no more putting it off.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: in the city by the bay
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by LCIV 
I have joint legal/physical custody of my 5.5 year old daughter... I live in San Jose, CA, far from family (who all live in Philadelphia)—so it’s just me out here, which can be hard at times.
Anyhow, welcome to the Bay Area. I am north of you.
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