Alaskachick

I would like to get some thoughts on my situation. There is a significant history of alcoholism in my family so for most of my adult life I was a “normal” drinker, meaning that I would occasionally drink a glass or two of wine when dining out or at parties. About seven years ago I found out that my husband was cheating on me and had throughout our marriage. I spent the next two years trying to work things out only to be dumped for a new fling. During those two years and the two years following my divorce, I started drinking and eventually progressed to the point where I would drink until I passed out every night. Everyone including me believed that I was an out-of-control alcoholic; however as time passed and I began to heal I drank less and less. Currently I consider myself to be a “normal” social drinker again, meaning that I “occasionally drink a glass or two of wine when dining out or at parties”. Currently I consume about four to eight glasses of wine a month. By the grace of God I never actually became addicted and am healthy, happy and gainfully employed.

About two months ago my twenty-five year old son called me and asked for advice. He told me that he had been drinking nightly for about ten months and lately he had been passing out every night. We talked and I advised him to seek medical help and look into getting into treatment. Now he tells me that he has reduced his drinking to one or two beers every night and is feeling much better. Based on my personal experience I know it is possible to drink heavily for a period of time without become a full blown alcoholic; however I have witnessed the pain and suffering of many other alcoholic family members. I’m not sure what to make of this or how to advise him.

GotGrace

Welcome, Alaskachick! Although I don't have any solid advice for you, I can understand your concern. Keep reading and posting as much as you want. I am sure someone will come along with helpful insights!

avdj

I have had members of my family go through the same sort of thing. Heavy into drugs or alcohol for one reason or another for a period of time and then just stop and have no problem having the occasional drink. As you know, it's totally possible. I think it all depends on the person and as long as you have a good relationship, he came to you once and probably will again if he needs to. Maybe it would just be helpful for him to see a therapist. Learn how to deal with stress without turning to alcohol or just have someone to talk to. I sure wish I had of done that! Best of luck!

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Alaskachick. You'll find a lot of support here.

As you know from personal experience, it's possible to have situations arise where we turn to alcohol for a period of time, but then get past it. I think many people who are not true alcoholics go through those periods...divorce, death in the family, catastrophic illness of a loved one, etc.

Having a family history of alcoholism is something to keep in mind. While you may have been able to quit drinking so much, it's possible your son may have a real problem with alcohol. Maybe suggest that he try not drinking for 30 or 60 days and see how that goes. If he can do it without any problem, then great. But, if he can't do it or can't do it easily, then he may want to see his doctor and explain what's going on. The sooner we seek help, the better and easier it will be. That's not to say it will be easy, but it's easier than drinking alcoholically for 20 years before seeking help.

Hope you'll stick around the board. There are many forums for many different topics. Hope you'll read a lot and post as much as you want. (((HUGS)))

Hevyn

It's great to meet you Alaskachick.

I hope being here will help with the anxiety you're feeling. Glad you found us.

Alaskachick

Thanks to everyone for the support. Although I have been open about my past issues with alcohol I haven’t spoken to anyone else about my son until tonight. This has been eating away at me for two months and tonight is the first time I’ve faced the reality that my son may have a problem with alcohol. I grew up with a mother who was an alcoholic and a prescription drug addict who eventually committed suicide so I’ve seen the worst that can happen. Right now I’m just really afraid for him and I feel very lost.

zerothehero

I'm not saying this could or will happen to you, but I went in circles for decades with periods of heavy binging, periods of sobriety, and periods of moderation. Somehow the moderation would always slip into heavy binging and then I would get sober for awhile...

Eventually, I went through a period where I was fed up with my job and my life and really took a dive. It was then that I decided I was tired of the cycle. My mom was very similar...moderate drinker for decades but then got divorced, depressed, and went off the deep end.

I guess this is kind of a warning. Because of family history, I believe it would be wise for you and your son to keep in mind that it could be a bit of a tightrope for you. If it's causing you stress, you could consider quitting alcohol for awhile to see if you prefer sobriety. I know I do.

zerothehero

I was writing the above post while you were writing about your mother's suicide. All the more reason to consider your options. My mom didn't commit suicide, but she didn't make it to 60, either. Alcohol is poison. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Take care of yourself and encourage your son to do the same, please.

Croissant

Welcome Alaskachick. I know one or two drinks per night is considered in the healthy range. I do wonder why it's necessary to drink every night though? I would still consider that as a concern. There are plenty of other healthy ways to de-stress other than alcohol.

Not necessarily in an alarmist way. I'm just very cautious of the reality of alcohol now. I did not drink until I was 32, but prior to then, if I was with someone who needed to drink every night, that would still be a warning signal for me.

I think society has become very desensitised to the ongoing use of alcohol.

P.S edit. I just saw your above post too. Yes, I'd be concerned. Can you stop together and support him that way?

hummingbird358

Hello Alaskachick! I too have a son whom I worry about with alcohol and weed. He was drinking heavily the past year and is only going to be 20. He was becoming arrogant and angry while drunk and was saying mean things to the girlfriend. He was becoming violent as well. He had stopped on and off as well. My son would drink almost an entire case of beer in one night or all but 1/4 of a handle of vodka in one night. He was also suffering with terrible anxiety and depression but refused prescription pills due to having to give up drinking. WE have a history of alcoholism in our family as well. I wish he knew how much I worry about him. IT is nonstop. He currently has stopped drinking for a week and 1/2. He leaves for college in 7 days and I am a mess with worry. He has not given up weed but that doesn't make him violent like the alcohol does.

Alaskachick

Croissant: I have asked myself the same thing. I have asked him to try 30 days without alcohol but he tells me it’s no longer an issue and he’s not worried about it. He hasn’t witnessed the destructive alcoholism that runs in my family because they all died very young.

ZeroTheHero: Thanks for the advice. I have gone weeks without a drink and have been able to have one glass of wine with dinner and not have another one for days or weeks. I used alcohol to self-medicate and I currently don’t feel the need to self-medicate. Even today, as bad as I feel about my son I have no desire to drink. My biggest fear is that at some point the desire to self-medicate will come back with a vengeance and I will crawl back inside the bottle. I think that’s why I chose to join this site today. I am ever vigilant.

Alaskachick

Hummingbird1094: Thanks for your post. As a mother I know it is heartbreaking. All I’ve ever wanted for my children is for them to be safe and happy. It sounds like your son is not safe and the anger and violence that he exhibits when drinking indicates that he is also not very happy. (My son tends to be very congenial after a couple of drinks.)

My son suffers from depression which is also huge in my family. I am currently taking medication for depression and have learned that many people who suffer from depression drink as form of self-medication. Definitely something to look into.

Alaskachick

I’ve been reading some other threads on this site and they have inspired me to quit drinking completely. I don’t believe that alcohol is a problem for me but I do think that if my son has a drinking problem the best thing that I can do is provide him with a sober role model. (His father is a not an alcoholic but he does drink a few beers on the weekend.) I’ve realized that I only drink around other people out of habit. I also haven’t wanted to be the only one at dinner or at the party not drinking. Quitting shouldn’t be difficult if I don’t really have a problem so why not. Thanks for the support!!!!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Alaskachick!! Great to have you here!!