oldsoul1122

I don't understand what my system and brain are doing. My good feelings are gone, sober or drunk. I've even lost the urge and desire and if I do drink to feel better I feel nothing good, just worse...crying, depressed and angry, wanting to give up. A couple of months ago I would drink a bottle of wine and get high as a kite. What is happening to my system? Does the desire go away with age? Will I ever feel good again? I'm emotionally and mentally dead. I'm female 65.

Anna

Are you still drinking?

oldsoul1122

Nothing for a week and then last night I had company for dinner and I had a 32 oz and didn't enjoy it and didn't want more. Got irritable and depressed. Called it an early night. I think I can quit entirely but what's going on physically?

least

By the end of my short-but-stellar drinking career I wasn't getting any good feelings from it either. I drank because I had to. It didn't numb anything, just made things glaringly obvious.

I'm so glad I quit.

oldsoul1122

Dogs here also, 2 of them and the reason to get out of bed each day and they need me.

Thepatman

I call it my broken party. Once I broke the party, there was no fun in drinking anymore. It only brought me depression, anxiety, guilt, a dried up bank account, failing health, broken relationships. I could keep going.

But now that I am sober many of the above are way better. I feel proud of myself.

Give yourself some sober time, your body will adjust.

DOCBOM

There is no worst feeling when you are an alcoholic and can’t get sober, and can’t get drunk. It is indeed a very dark and lonely place. I went for some time in that state and wanted to die. When alcohol becomes mandatory just to get well and is no longer fun you need help. You need to surrender to win!!! Reach out and ask for help and it will come. Save yourself weeks……..months…even years of despair. It is NEVER to late to live happily ever after.

Nonsensical

I drank because it made me feel good.
Until I drank because I couldn't feel good without drinking.
Until I drank because I felt bad if I wasn't drinking.
Until I drank just to feel less bad.

I have since found out this is not an uncommon progression. Drinking alcohol releases dopamine and we feel pleasure. So I kept doing it. As it turns out, it's bad for survival to feel happy and complacent all the time. You forget to do stuff like hunt and gather. So,the brain adjusts. It resets the hedonic setpoint to a higher level, and it takes more dopamine for you to feel pleasure. This is why most alcoholics drink more and more over time.

Eventually I could not drink enough to feel that happy sensation I wanted. I would drink so much I would pass out first. But I kept raising my hedonic setpoint with more alcohol, chasing that buzz. It got to a point that without alcohol I was so far below my threshold for pleasure I felt crummy. All the time. Drinking might take the edge off a bit, but never feeling pleasure was downright depressing. I drank my last beer through tears.

The good news is there is a better way. A way to get your happiness back. It's called abstinence. Dry that brain out for a few months and the hedonic setpoint returns to its natural state and there is pleasure in simple things again.

Now I'm a happy little dweeb.

You can do this.

DoubleFelix

Hi oldsoul,

I can't speak to what's going on with you physically, it sounds like it might be worth talking to a doctor about it - that way you can receive answers about how your body is doing and steps you can take to feel better.

What you're describing sounds familiar. Drinking was the same pattern for me. When I first started it often made me feel great - euphoric, even! But the more I drank the more depressed I got, and I tried to solve that with alcohol. But I forgot, as I think most of us do, that alcohol is a depressant. It weakens our bodies and minds over time, always making things worse, not better.

I too felt mentally and emotionally dead once, and felt like it would last forever. It didn't. The clouds eventually parted when I hung on and sobered up, and the very same can happen for you.

oldsoul1122

That sounds like me to a T. I used to feel better just knowing I would drink in a day or two. Now knowing it'll do nothing depresses me because I have "no out" of my pain. But I'm going to go through it. I'm also so disgusted with myself at age 65 sitting in bars even the Moose Lodge where there are lots of seniors. And drinking alone I feel pathetic. My self esteem is gone. My desire to drink is less when I'm depressed, so when I start feeling good I have to be careful not to "party". Thank you all for your replies.

least

From one dog lover to another, I hope we can help you stay sober. It's hard at first but it gets better. When I was first getting sober I would walk my dogs whenever I had a craving to drink. They loved all the walks and I stayed sober.

happyandfree

Oldsoul, it wasn't giving me the good high anymore either. I'm about 5 years younger than you. Since I stopped drinking 6 months ago I have had days when I've really felt good. I decided that I didn't want to waste the rest of my years in a hungover fog. I feel a lot better and you will too if you can stay away from the wine. It's well worth it.

Holden77

A few things have helped me. Not long after quitting drinking, I had a quick case of euphoria. As in "WOOHOO, I can do this" but it didn't last very long and I started to slump in to a funk. So, I got back in to the things that I enjoyed prior to me becoming an alcoholic. Exercise (nothing excessive, just walks around nice parks), theater, free concerts, that sort of thing. I find that the more free time I have, the more bored and antsy I get. It takes time and it's still taking time for me, too. Your body and brain are missing something they're used to. Have you discussed this with your doctor?

cleograce

I think the dog walking helps a lot if you have dogs, I love walking mine as they are my everything and I do it when I get to that angry stage, I have always managed to keep my drinking a secret in the day time, at night no one really notices because many people drink on a night but I've also hit that point where I don't even fancy it any more...I just do it, I get up with the full intention of not drinking etc but sometimes I haven't even got past planning my day and I've had a drink....but it doesn't do anything...just makes me forget big chunks of my day, and lately certain drinks make me want to rip someones head off. Wether it dogs,books,walking whatever you enjoy doing....try and do that..anything that gives you pleasure....not even sure I make any sense really because I aren't exactly the angel Gabriel but lots of advice here makes so much sense
Cleox

SnowDawg

For whatever reason, a long, hot shower and a filling meal does it for me. Then I lie down and log onto SR. Cravings all gone. Time for shots. Chocolate milk!

oldsoul1122

I am alone in this with no family nearby and very few even know my situation. Being an introvert makes it worse. I'm avoiding 3 places and one person..they are triggers. The loneliness and boredom I'll just have to work with. I have limitations. So I'll keep checking in here with you wonderful people and thanks again.

SoberComposer

It's a big change to leave something that you are familiar with but leaving alcohol would surely improve many things. Just having the willpower to make it to day 12 makes me feel great

I sincerely wish you the very best!! We are good people and deserve to be happy!

If you can, try to find activities in your community that sound somewhat interesting and give them a try. It's good to transition healthy activities in place of the void alcohol once resided.

Much love and wish you the best!

oldsoul1122

Thank you for your post. Being creative has always made me the happiest. I love your poetry. When I feel better I'll get involved in something creative even if it's cooking. Creativity is spiritual for me. (from SD here)

Angel1555

This is a great thread!

MelindaFlowers

Alcohol stopped working for me too. It happened about a year ago.

In 2010 when I first tried to stop drinking, I would stop for a week or 10 days but I was always looking forward to drinking again. After the short period of abstinence I would drink again and wow! It was like opening the floodgates of pleasure and happiness! It was like attending the best party ever with myself as the only guest. I would surf the net, chat online, talk on the phone, even clean the house, watch movies, listen to music. I loved cranking the music and pouring drink after drink. Four years ago drinking was still fun. I knew I had to stop but it still worked.

In 2014 the drinking changed - completely. I was hungover everyday at work, feeling like death and just counting the minutes til I could get home and pour that first drink. It was no longer fun though. Now I needed it to feel normal. I could feel my elevated heart rate and blood pressure all day. I was sweaty more often than not.

This is what changed:

I would drink my first drink but it no longer made my heart rate go down. My heart was pounding during the first few drinks. My hands still shook when I drank. I was sweaty now when I drank. I was irritable now when I drank. After about six drinks I would calm down a little bit but not much. From drinks six to twelve I would feel relatively sober - not buzzed. My gait was unsteady though and I was clumsy like a drunk person though. I was drunk though. I would start reading my phone and ipad with one eye closed. If I even tried to type anything the words were misspelled and didn't make sense. I was drunk but didn't like it. Alcohol didn't put me to sleep anymore either. I would hit my preset "limit" (12 drinks, ha!) around midnight and stop so I could throw together some form of functionality the next day. I would lie in bed with racing thoughts, no relaxation.

I wonder what the science is behind this? This was when I finally knew I needed to stop. It was still making me gain weight too. It was no longer bringing any semblance of joy, relaxation, pleasure, or satisfaction. I couldn't believe it. I kept retrying the drinking experiment to see if I could get that buzz back but I couldn't, even on weekend nights when my intake was more like 15 units of alcohol. 15 was no longer enough I guess.

I haven't had a drink since June 27 and I haven't even been tempted. In 2010, when drinking still worked, I was like a starving lion trying to stay away a pile of fresh meat. Now, the temptation is gone because I wouldn't even enjoy it. It's still shocking to me to realize this.

It feels better to not have to worry about all of that anymore. You can do this! Are you ready to stop?