Exactly
That sounds like me to a T. I used to feel better just knowing I would drink in a day or two. Now knowing it'll do nothing depresses me because I have "no out" of my pain. But I'm going to go through it. I'm also so disgusted with myself at age 65 sitting in bars even the Moose Lodge where there are lots of seniors. And drinking alone I feel pathetic. My self esteem is gone. My desire to drink is less when I'm depressed, so when I start feeling good I have to be careful not to "party". Thank you all for your replies.