Again I try....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Valencia
Posts: 6
Again I try....
After another failed attempt I'm back.
I've just lost my licience having stupidly driven in the morning back from a party when I knew full well I was over the limit. I gave myself the excuss that a new day and sunshine would somehow make me sober enough to drive.
I'm very lucky. I didnt kill anyone. I feel terrible but fortunate that I have been given a final warning and have an opportunity to fulfil my potential. I simply can't continue this way. Reality is upon me. Next step could be prison.
I'm a geneous and intelligent man and do stupids things when I drink. Whithout exception all the failings in my life have resulted from alchohol. When will I learn?
Now.. This is day 5 of sobriety the guilt is raw but I'm determined. I hope to share with like minded people on the long road to abstinence.
Leex
I've just lost my licience having stupidly driven in the morning back from a party when I knew full well I was over the limit. I gave myself the excuss that a new day and sunshine would somehow make me sober enough to drive.
I'm very lucky. I didnt kill anyone. I feel terrible but fortunate that I have been given a final warning and have an opportunity to fulfil my potential. I simply can't continue this way. Reality is upon me. Next step could be prison.
I'm a geneous and intelligent man and do stupids things when I drink. Whithout exception all the failings in my life have resulted from alchohol. When will I learn?
Now.. This is day 5 of sobriety the guilt is raw but I'm determined. I hope to share with like minded people on the long road to abstinence.
Leex
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome. Congratulations on your insight about your drinking. For many it’s very late to try to get sober and the result can be misery being in the fog of alcohol when we don’t want to be there.
Sober life can be wonderful if we don’t pick up that first drink, then we don’t have to try to be sober AGAIN. Hang in there it defiantly will get better,
BE WELL
Sober life can be wonderful if we don’t pick up that first drink, then we don’t have to try to be sober AGAIN. Hang in there it defiantly will get better,
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Congratulations on five days! That is a huge accomplishment.
We all did stupid things when we drank. No matter how smart we are our judgment is clouded when our brain is marinated in alcohol. It's the choices we make and the actions we take while sober that will help us stay sober. Do you have a plan to work with to keep going and extending that five days?
Keep going!
We all did stupid things when we drank. No matter how smart we are our judgment is clouded when our brain is marinated in alcohol. It's the choices we make and the actions we take while sober that will help us stay sober. Do you have a plan to work with to keep going and extending that five days?
Keep going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Valencia
Posts: 6
Thanks for your kind words of support.
Firstly, I need to admit I have a terrible problem and loose the excuses.
Next, avoid the trigger, bars, parties... Its diffiucult here in Spain as everything is done in a bar.... Thats not an excuse I just need to make some radical adjustments.
Then.. Get back to meditating and looking after myself. I'm a workaholic too and work silly long hours, then get stressed get drunk, fined and then work to pay the fine. Bad circle that I need to break.
Lastley, I need to forgive myself a little. Other than my achoholism I'm decent. I'm a Gremlin, fluffy when sober and horrible when I drink. I feel guilty about not being able to control something which is so destructive. I also need to do a weeding or my friends and associates. They are not to blame but some encourage and enjoy my failings.
Firstly, I need to admit I have a terrible problem and loose the excuses.
Next, avoid the trigger, bars, parties... Its diffiucult here in Spain as everything is done in a bar.... Thats not an excuse I just need to make some radical adjustments.
Then.. Get back to meditating and looking after myself. I'm a workaholic too and work silly long hours, then get stressed get drunk, fined and then work to pay the fine. Bad circle that I need to break.
Lastley, I need to forgive myself a little. Other than my achoholism I'm decent. I'm a Gremlin, fluffy when sober and horrible when I drink. I feel guilty about not being able to control something which is so destructive. I also need to do a weeding or my friends and associates. They are not to blame but some encourage and enjoy my failings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Valencia
Posts: 6
Update for my new friends...
1 Week sober today.
Benefits, the guilt is passing now I'm working on how Im going to pay that fine. I'm a little manic which at ths point is a good thing as I'm being super productive and catching up with lot's of stuff I've avoided. I've a weeks holiday now (the first in 7 years). I'm not going away but this time I'm going to use establishing some new routines.
Lows, trying to come up with excuses to avoid situations where there is drink. Some friends thinks I only need learn the power of control and simply don't understand that the first drink for me is lighting the taper. I hear a lot of people saying to avoid these friends but I have to take responibility there as for years I've pulled the wool over their eyes by deceiving and joking about my Scottish herrtage and being able to handle my drink. They simply don't know the truth.
All in all its been hell. I am feeling good and not tempted but I know how after the first week its so easy for the Devil to jump on my back and how one chance meeting in the street can lead to a bar. First for me a coffee, then the friend has a beer and I have a coke. The banter is fantastic and then I slip. Over and over this cycle repearts itself. This time I have to refrain from being deluded. There is only one solution for me obtanence. No gray area.
My humour ir returning slowly. I used to be quite funny before I was always hung over. I laughed hartily yeterday for the first time since I don't know when. I was at the doctor in my small Spanish village sitting in the waiting room. A complete stranger turned to me and said "Whats wrong with you?". I answered "I have problems with alchohol. "Are you allergic" she said. "Yes, it makes me an idiot".
I'm not ready to tell the world, frineds and family about my problem although I think they have concerns or their own but to a complete stranger it felt OK so maybe soon in the future when people ask me why I'm not drinking I can be honest and not have to make rediculous excuses.
Spanish people are so lovely but so direct.
Thanks for listening. This is cathartic and really helps.
Leex
1 Week sober today.
Benefits, the guilt is passing now I'm working on how Im going to pay that fine. I'm a little manic which at ths point is a good thing as I'm being super productive and catching up with lot's of stuff I've avoided. I've a weeks holiday now (the first in 7 years). I'm not going away but this time I'm going to use establishing some new routines.
Lows, trying to come up with excuses to avoid situations where there is drink. Some friends thinks I only need learn the power of control and simply don't understand that the first drink for me is lighting the taper. I hear a lot of people saying to avoid these friends but I have to take responibility there as for years I've pulled the wool over their eyes by deceiving and joking about my Scottish herrtage and being able to handle my drink. They simply don't know the truth.
All in all its been hell. I am feeling good and not tempted but I know how after the first week its so easy for the Devil to jump on my back and how one chance meeting in the street can lead to a bar. First for me a coffee, then the friend has a beer and I have a coke. The banter is fantastic and then I slip. Over and over this cycle repearts itself. This time I have to refrain from being deluded. There is only one solution for me obtanence. No gray area.
My humour ir returning slowly. I used to be quite funny before I was always hung over. I laughed hartily yeterday for the first time since I don't know when. I was at the doctor in my small Spanish village sitting in the waiting room. A complete stranger turned to me and said "Whats wrong with you?". I answered "I have problems with alchohol. "Are you allergic" she said. "Yes, it makes me an idiot".
I'm not ready to tell the world, frineds and family about my problem although I think they have concerns or their own but to a complete stranger it felt OK so maybe soon in the future when people ask me why I'm not drinking I can be honest and not have to make rediculous excuses.
Spanish people are so lovely but so direct.
Thanks for listening. This is cathartic and really helps.
Leex
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
There is a lot of humor in sobriety. There is almost always laughter at my meetings. I too have used the allergy explanation when it comes to alcohol. When I drink, I break out in bad decisions. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS 
. When I drink, I break out in bad decisions.
Welcome and congratulations on 1 week, that is amazing and I know how hard it is. It sounds like you have made a great decision for yourself, best of luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Valencia
Posts: 6
Into week two and still sobler.
Almost fell off the wagon last night. Went for a walk with a friend and make the excuse to stop for a coke. As soon as the waiter arrived I said a litro (of beer). I almost failed there and then with the devil on my back saying that it would be ok after nearly two weeks and I was fully in control. Luckily and not by my own good judgement this friend without knowing of my issues said no I'll have a coke. I changed my mind and had the same. If this friend had agreed to share that first litro of beer I would today without doubt have a terrible hangover and be full of guilt.
For the grace or a higher power a chance intervention saved me last night. I have very week moments but today feel stronger and proud that I stuck to the task.
Another lesson learned and one of my nine lifes used.
Good luck to my fellow sober friends who know only too well that the first drink is the one that makes us idiots.
Lee x
Almost fell off the wagon last night. Went for a walk with a friend and make the excuse to stop for a coke. As soon as the waiter arrived I said a litro (of beer). I almost failed there and then with the devil on my back saying that it would be ok after nearly two weeks and I was fully in control. Luckily and not by my own good judgement this friend without knowing of my issues said no I'll have a coke. I changed my mind and had the same. If this friend had agreed to share that first litro of beer I would today without doubt have a terrible hangover and be full of guilt.
For the grace or a higher power a chance intervention saved me last night. I have very week moments but today feel stronger and proud that I stuck to the task.
Another lesson learned and one of my nine lifes used.
Good luck to my fellow sober friends who know only too well that the first drink is the one that makes us idiots.
Lee x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Hello there - sounds like it's been tough but you're doing well!! Keep coming here, it's been soooo helpful for me. Lots of people with a lot of good advice. And some people like myself who don't know enough to offer any advice but can certainly say I've totally been there. I felt really alone before I discovered this site and realized so many others had similar experiences as me.
Keep keeping on!
Keep keeping on!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Valencia
Posts: 6
Past the three week mark. Light at the end of the tunnel.
Three weeks now and Im starting to feel the physical benefits. I have read through the posts here and doubted I would notice the difference but its incredible. My ego ignored there benefits escisted in the past. The difficulty is still cutting some ties and changing my routines.
One question.... I seem to have replaced one addiction with another. If I have a diet coke I have ten. If I drink water I drink two liters. Is this normal? I don't even notice until the bill comes.
Thanks again, reading all the posts have really helped me get to this point. I wish you all well on your path.
Love and Light
Leex
Three weeks now and Im starting to feel the physical benefits. I have read through the posts here and doubted I would notice the difference but its incredible. My ego ignored there benefits escisted in the past. The difficulty is still cutting some ties and changing my routines.
One question.... I seem to have replaced one addiction with another. If I have a diet coke I have ten. If I drink water I drink two liters. Is this normal? I don't even notice until the bill comes.
Thanks again, reading all the posts have really helped me get to this point. I wish you all well on your path.
Love and Light
Leex
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