Some "Almost-At-Eighteen-Months" Thoughts
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Some "Almost-At-Eighteen-Months" Thoughts
Hi Everyone, it's been a bit of awhile again but wanted to check in. It's been almost eighteen months of sobriety for me and I couldn't have even begun that journey, or stayed with it at all during the first year, without SR.
I did want to share a few things I've learned in these past eighteen months that might be of use to someone, and serve to get them off my chest too. Early apologies for the length.
I've learned and, in a couple of cases, had to RE-learn these things over again the past year and a half.
The first is how absolutely essential support is if you're going to do this thing right. This disease of ours thrives in darkness and isolation. It feeds on the emotions of shame and, turned inwards, rage. Shame is the biggie, was for me. I could not imagine that I could ever NOT feel the immense amount of shame that I felt when I first quit. Overwhelming. If not for this place, meetings (for me 12 Step Recovery has worked although I know there are many other successful paths), and forcing myself to interact with people who understand this disease and being completely open with them and stop the hiding...I would have absolutely failed by now. No doubt. It's uncomfortable at first but, trust me, it saves your life one day. If I didn't have here and a support group of friends who knew this stuff intimately, I would have drowned in the shame, guilt and rage long ago. (And trust me, nothing you're going to say is really going to shock anyone. This is true and a huge help to know beforehand).
The second is your health and your appearance which is a wonderful little surprise. When I quit drinking, my liver was fatty, my pancreas was in a constant uproar, my face and body were bloated, my hair was dull and limp, and my skin looked very angry and tired. I looked and felt AWFUL and all my medical tests were beginning to reflect that. I have just had a battery of tests done for my yearly physical and all are normal. Even my liver is back to normal, non-fattiness. And my looks? I look healthy. I'm still not so bold or brave enough to say I look good or even pretty...but I can even admit to myself that I look healthy and younger than my age, again. It's truly unbelievable. You CAN get your health and looks back. For us long-term drinkers? You get to see, maybe for the first time, what you do look like healthy, it's mind blowing stuff.
The third piece of advice I have to impart from a recent, and much too long, six month experience? DO NOT get into emotional relationships too quickly. Actually? Scratch that. Stay the hell away from them for at least 18 months if not two years or more. Especially if you've been drinking long-term, as I had been. Yes, yes, there are those rare success stories, but most of us will not be one of them. And this was a friend, not someone whose past and history I was not familiar with, intimately. Even that, even in that relative safety, I was ill-prepared to deal with a relationship. I thought in testing myself this way it would be a true marker of how far I had come. What it ended up being was a six-month experience on an emotional roller coaster I was not ready to handle and hanging onto my sobriety like a piece of soap in a bath. Seriously, listen to the wisdom about focusing on you first...for a long time, much longer than you think, evidently.
Finally, and this goes along a bit with the above, find a healthy next addiction. I remember reading that most addicts trade one addiction for another and that is true, in my experience. I first chose ice cream and then a relationship. The ice cream, while soothing in the beginning, made me gain unnecessary weight and feel negative and tired. And the man? With that I gained emotional entanglements I was NOT ready for at all, gained unnecessary weight, feel negative and tired. Overall, ice cream was the safer bet. But friends of mine who picked up running, other exercise, photography, gardening, volunteering (which is ultimately the best kind of an addiction) are all much better off now and much more stable in their sobriety. I am not saying if you do these things you will BE stable in your sobriety, but I am saying they seem to turn out better than ice cream and men. Together or separately, both tend to be slippery slopes.
And of course your financial situation improves, but that's sort of a given.
But for those of you just starting out, this is the most worthwhile thing that you can or will ever do for yourselves. I used to HATE people like me who would post stuff like this. But the other side is so much better than being stuck in that horrible cycle it seems selfish not to spread the word. The freedom alone is almost mind-bending.
Anyway, hope to be spending more time here in the future but just wanted to drop by with some thoughts today. It's definitely not all unicorns and rainbows, but by God or the Universe, it is so worth it
.
I did want to share a few things I've learned in these past eighteen months that might be of use to someone, and serve to get them off my chest too. Early apologies for the length.
I've learned and, in a couple of cases, had to RE-learn these things over again the past year and a half.
The first is how absolutely essential support is if you're going to do this thing right. This disease of ours thrives in darkness and isolation. It feeds on the emotions of shame and, turned inwards, rage. Shame is the biggie, was for me. I could not imagine that I could ever NOT feel the immense amount of shame that I felt when I first quit. Overwhelming. If not for this place, meetings (for me 12 Step Recovery has worked although I know there are many other successful paths), and forcing myself to interact with people who understand this disease and being completely open with them and stop the hiding...I would have absolutely failed by now. No doubt. It's uncomfortable at first but, trust me, it saves your life one day. If I didn't have here and a support group of friends who knew this stuff intimately, I would have drowned in the shame, guilt and rage long ago. (And trust me, nothing you're going to say is really going to shock anyone. This is true and a huge help to know beforehand).
The second is your health and your appearance which is a wonderful little surprise. When I quit drinking, my liver was fatty, my pancreas was in a constant uproar, my face and body were bloated, my hair was dull and limp, and my skin looked very angry and tired. I looked and felt AWFUL and all my medical tests were beginning to reflect that. I have just had a battery of tests done for my yearly physical and all are normal. Even my liver is back to normal, non-fattiness. And my looks? I look healthy. I'm still not so bold or brave enough to say I look good or even pretty...but I can even admit to myself that I look healthy and younger than my age, again. It's truly unbelievable. You CAN get your health and looks back. For us long-term drinkers? You get to see, maybe for the first time, what you do look like healthy, it's mind blowing stuff.
The third piece of advice I have to impart from a recent, and much too long, six month experience? DO NOT get into emotional relationships too quickly. Actually? Scratch that. Stay the hell away from them for at least 18 months if not two years or more. Especially if you've been drinking long-term, as I had been. Yes, yes, there are those rare success stories, but most of us will not be one of them. And this was a friend, not someone whose past and history I was not familiar with, intimately. Even that, even in that relative safety, I was ill-prepared to deal with a relationship. I thought in testing myself this way it would be a true marker of how far I had come. What it ended up being was a six-month experience on an emotional roller coaster I was not ready to handle and hanging onto my sobriety like a piece of soap in a bath. Seriously, listen to the wisdom about focusing on you first...for a long time, much longer than you think, evidently.
Finally, and this goes along a bit with the above, find a healthy next addiction. I remember reading that most addicts trade one addiction for another and that is true, in my experience. I first chose ice cream and then a relationship. The ice cream, while soothing in the beginning, made me gain unnecessary weight and feel negative and tired. And the man? With that I gained emotional entanglements I was NOT ready for at all, gained unnecessary weight, feel negative and tired. Overall, ice cream was the safer bet. But friends of mine who picked up running, other exercise, photography, gardening, volunteering (which is ultimately the best kind of an addiction) are all much better off now and much more stable in their sobriety. I am not saying if you do these things you will BE stable in your sobriety, but I am saying they seem to turn out better than ice cream and men. Together or separately, both tend to be slippery slopes.
And of course your financial situation improves, but that's sort of a given.
But for those of you just starting out, this is the most worthwhile thing that you can or will ever do for yourselves. I used to HATE people like me who would post stuff like this. But the other side is so much better than being stuck in that horrible cycle it seems selfish not to spread the word. The freedom alone is almost mind-bending.
Anyway, hope to be spending more time here in the future but just wanted to drop by with some thoughts today. It's definitely not all unicorns and rainbows, but by God or the Universe, it is so worth it
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I actually wish more people would post this kind of thing. This is what a recovery website needs.
I am your new biggest fan.
I dumped the ice cream already and the flirty attention from some men is going to stay way outside my hula hoop for now. Thanks for that reminder.
I wish you nothing but the best, you've earned it and you're worth it.
I am your new biggest fan.
I dumped the ice cream already and the flirty attention from some men is going to stay way outside my hula hoop for now. Thanks for that reminder.
I wish you nothing but the best, you've earned it and you're worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: far away
Posts: 392
I'm on around the same time. I can identify lots with you even though I am male. Relationships are difficult but I'm sure like everything else in sobriety we nd to learn to walk before we can run and this is one of the most testing for me .
The new addiction I totally get I'm into meditatiokng n fitness health n well being n I haven't felt better or stronger in a long long time. I've came out of the darkness but still learning to walk with my eyes adapting to the light.
It's bn a rare journey so far and the neutrons in my brain are thanking me. My liver is thanking me my family are thanking me and that's gods grace for me. I hope it keeps getting better.
Peace
The new addiction I totally get I'm into meditatiokng n fitness health n well being n I haven't felt better or stronger in a long long time. I've came out of the darkness but still learning to walk with my eyes adapting to the light.
It's bn a rare journey so far and the neutrons in my brain are thanking me. My liver is thanking me my family are thanking me and that's gods grace for me. I hope it keeps getting better.
Peace
Cat Lady
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
This was fabulous. Congrats on 18 months!
I agree with everything. I'm in a healthy relationship of a few years now and live with him. So I'm not exactly in the same situation, but I can see that starting a new relationship can be taxing on the newly sober.
I'm getting into health and fitness and trying to lose weight. That will be my new addiction! That and studying my a** off for the GRE coming up! Ha!
Glad you posted it! :-)
I agree with everything. I'm in a healthy relationship of a few years now and live with him. So I'm not exactly in the same situation, but I can see that starting a new relationship can be taxing on the newly sober.
I'm getting into health and fitness and trying to lose weight. That will be my new addiction! That and studying my a** off for the GRE coming up! Ha!
Glad you posted it! :-)
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