Bulimic Alcoholic Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1
Bulimic Alcoholic Newbie
Hi guys im new onsite...
ive had a history of drug abuse but gave up all vices and am down to the original two...bulimia and alcohol. After 19 years with bulimia I finally asked for support about 18months ago.
ive come along way...had months in the clear...but my drinking escalates and is now a serious problem (its been a prob for years but I tried to deny and manage it...unsuccessfully). When I take alcohol out I over think and burn out and cycle repeats. Plus with increased alcohol my bulimia recovery is sabotaged too. Hit rock bottom a few days ago and was a wake up call....now faced with rehab or one last shot ...im ready to try accept a life of sobriety.
im two days in...bulimia and alcohol free...seeing gp and psych tomorrow .....im going to try antidepressants which ive always resisted but if theres a chemical imbalance component im open to trying, if I can ease my mind would help alot to not feel I need a break from my own head. If this approach fails I guess treatment is last option.
if there are any other bulimic-alcoholic- over thinkers onsite would love to hear from you :-)
ive had a history of drug abuse but gave up all vices and am down to the original two...bulimia and alcohol. After 19 years with bulimia I finally asked for support about 18months ago.
ive come along way...had months in the clear...but my drinking escalates and is now a serious problem (its been a prob for years but I tried to deny and manage it...unsuccessfully). When I take alcohol out I over think and burn out and cycle repeats. Plus with increased alcohol my bulimia recovery is sabotaged too. Hit rock bottom a few days ago and was a wake up call....now faced with rehab or one last shot ...im ready to try accept a life of sobriety.
im two days in...bulimia and alcohol free...seeing gp and psych tomorrow .....im going to try antidepressants which ive always resisted but if theres a chemical imbalance component im open to trying, if I can ease my mind would help alot to not feel I need a break from my own head. If this approach fails I guess treatment is last option.
if there are any other bulimic-alcoholic- over thinkers onsite would love to hear from you :-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I am not bulimic but a hell of an Alcoholic and an over thinker as well.
Wishing you a warm welcome to SR and glad you are reaching out for help, there is a way out if you keep knocking on doors. One will eventually open.
Wishing you a warm welcome to SR and glad you are reaching out for help, there is a way out if you keep knocking on doors. One will eventually open.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome, Newpath79!
Well, I'm an addict/alcoholic. I want to eat all the food. I just don't purge it. At one point I was 50 pounds overweight - and even though I've kept that weight off for eight years, it's still a struggle. Food is a tough one, and easy to compulsively eat. Mindfulness has been really helpful for me with food...when I practice it.
The same mechanism is in effect as with alcoholism or any ism. The same issues of (false) control and compulsion to abate emotions.
I found that getting away from the alcohol really helped with the thinking problem. The spinning thoughts and racing brain are now gone. I'm five months from my last drink.
At first it was really difficult. The first month was pretty raw - and that's the norm. The thoughts and emotions are at first pretty overwhelming. Hang in there for that first month. It gets much better.
I'm glad you've reached out for help from the professionals. Maybe try an AA meeting or ten. That really helped me in the beginning.
I had to let go of feeling like I had to be perfect, and in control. It is a great feeling to be free of that.
Well, I'm an addict/alcoholic. I want to eat all the food. I just don't purge it. At one point I was 50 pounds overweight - and even though I've kept that weight off for eight years, it's still a struggle. Food is a tough one, and easy to compulsively eat. Mindfulness has been really helpful for me with food...when I practice it.
The same mechanism is in effect as with alcoholism or any ism. The same issues of (false) control and compulsion to abate emotions.
I found that getting away from the alcohol really helped with the thinking problem. The spinning thoughts and racing brain are now gone. I'm five months from my last drink.
At first it was really difficult. The first month was pretty raw - and that's the norm. The thoughts and emotions are at first pretty overwhelming. Hang in there for that first month. It gets much better.
I'm glad you've reached out for help from the professionals. Maybe try an AA meeting or ten. That really helped me in the beginning.
I had to let go of feeling like I had to be perfect, and in control. It is a great feeling to be free of that.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome!
Good for you for recognizing the problem and taking action. I hope your dr and therapist will be able to offer help and advice. I agree about trying the antidepressants. If the depression was there before you began drinking, then it's likely that medication could help you get through that. Antidepressants have made a difference for me.
Since the alcoholism developed as you were dealing with the bulimia, it could be that you need to dig deep and deal with the underlying issues.
Good for you for recognizing the problem and taking action. I hope your dr and therapist will be able to offer help and advice. I agree about trying the antidepressants. If the depression was there before you began drinking, then it's likely that medication could help you get through that. Antidepressants have made a difference for me.
Since the alcoholism developed as you were dealing with the bulimia, it could be that you need to dig deep and deal with the underlying issues.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I used to have bulimia also and understand where you are coming from.
You will begin to feel much better as your sober time increases.
The anxiety is the worst right when you quit for a few weeks, or it was for me.
Keep posting and let us support you
You will begin to feel much better as your sober time increases.
The anxiety is the worst right when you quit for a few weeks, or it was for me.
Keep posting and let us support you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Newpath,
I had eating disorders in my youth, starting around 11 years of age. I was anorexic for a few years, then struggled with bulimia on/off until about 25. I did not really have problems with alcohol during those years, it started later when the bulimia was pretty much over.
I am very glad that you are seeking help for your problems. I never did for the eating disorders. Once my mom took me to the doctor when I lost a lot of weight within a short period of time in the beginning, at first they suspected I had some physical problem, remember the doc saying it's unbelievable that a 11-12 yo girl could lose all that weight with sheer willpower. Clearly, she hadn't much of a clue about eating disorders, but then told my mom it might be a good idea for me to see a psychologist. My parents did not support this idea; in my country back then psychotherapy was not something many people used and mental illnesses were not acknowledged much in general. Absolutely ditto on the overthinking as well! If you are aware of underlying issues that triggered your problems, it may be a good idea to focus on treating those. For me the events leading to the eating disorders were very clear: before 10 I was an overweight kid and got bullied for my weight at school and many other places, by other kids, for years. Then discovered it did not have to remain like that forever, lost the extra weight (and more) - suddenly the whole world had changed for me and I was a very popular girl with a lot of social life as a young teen. I quickly developed a lot of self-confidence about having so much "control". Later, the restricting lifestyle turned into binge/purges and I became a hermit with my habits, escaped into books, studying, and binging on science. But I always had 1-2 good friends at least to talk to, it was only the alcoholism that made me very socially isolated for years. Now I am 6 months sober and am trying to figure out how to live without any destructive habits and obsessions.
I hope you will find good solutions; all the best to you and keep posting here!
I had eating disorders in my youth, starting around 11 years of age. I was anorexic for a few years, then struggled with bulimia on/off until about 25. I did not really have problems with alcohol during those years, it started later when the bulimia was pretty much over.
I am very glad that you are seeking help for your problems. I never did for the eating disorders. Once my mom took me to the doctor when I lost a lot of weight within a short period of time in the beginning, at first they suspected I had some physical problem, remember the doc saying it's unbelievable that a 11-12 yo girl could lose all that weight with sheer willpower. Clearly, she hadn't much of a clue about eating disorders, but then told my mom it might be a good idea for me to see a psychologist. My parents did not support this idea; in my country back then psychotherapy was not something many people used and mental illnesses were not acknowledged much in general. Absolutely ditto on the overthinking as well! If you are aware of underlying issues that triggered your problems, it may be a good idea to focus on treating those. For me the events leading to the eating disorders were very clear: before 10 I was an overweight kid and got bullied for my weight at school and many other places, by other kids, for years. Then discovered it did not have to remain like that forever, lost the extra weight (and more) - suddenly the whole world had changed for me and I was a very popular girl with a lot of social life as a young teen. I quickly developed a lot of self-confidence about having so much "control". Later, the restricting lifestyle turned into binge/purges and I became a hermit with my habits, escaped into books, studying, and binging on science. But I always had 1-2 good friends at least to talk to, it was only the alcoholism that made me very socially isolated for years. Now I am 6 months sober and am trying to figure out how to live without any destructive habits and obsessions.
I hope you will find good solutions; all the best to you and keep posting here!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Hi Newpath
Welcome to SR
I have been bulimic for many, many years. It is not as bad as it used to be, but it is still a problem. I gave up drinking 18 months ago and since then my self-esteem has soared and I feel confident enough to tackle the bulimia again. I am much more compassionate towards myself now. I have had as much as two months clear at a stretch. This time I'm on 13 days and counting!
I've just finished reading the book Brain over Binge and have found it extremely helpful. A fellow SR member sent me a pdf which was very insightful too, and I've explored Mindfulness and Rational Recovery which are also playing a part. I finally saw a counsellor back in February/March.
Just recently, I joined the Class of July thread here on SR. It is for newcomers to sobriety and I am using it as a tool to keep me accountable for non-bingeing behaviour. It's definitely working for me
In the past, I've made hundreds of attempts to overcome bulimia, with very little effect. The time I was the most successful (a 5-month stretch in 2010), I relied on alcohol to get me through, so I didn't binge but I felt dreadful!
The difference now is that, by addressing the alcohol issue first, I've found that the self-loathing which may have been driving the bulimia has gone. Now, it's more of a habit than anything else.
Stick with sobriety, Newpath. It will cement your recovery from bulimia and free you in ways you never thought possible
Welcome to SR
I have been bulimic for many, many years. It is not as bad as it used to be, but it is still a problem. I gave up drinking 18 months ago and since then my self-esteem has soared and I feel confident enough to tackle the bulimia again. I am much more compassionate towards myself now. I have had as much as two months clear at a stretch. This time I'm on 13 days and counting!
I've just finished reading the book Brain over Binge and have found it extremely helpful. A fellow SR member sent me a pdf which was very insightful too, and I've explored Mindfulness and Rational Recovery which are also playing a part. I finally saw a counsellor back in February/March.
Just recently, I joined the Class of July thread here on SR. It is for newcomers to sobriety and I am using it as a tool to keep me accountable for non-bingeing behaviour. It's definitely working for me
In the past, I've made hundreds of attempts to overcome bulimia, with very little effect. The time I was the most successful (a 5-month stretch in 2010), I relied on alcohol to get me through, so I didn't binge but I felt dreadful!
The difference now is that, by addressing the alcohol issue first, I've found that the self-loathing which may have been driving the bulimia has gone. Now, it's more of a habit than anything else.
Stick with sobriety, Newpath. It will cement your recovery from bulimia and free you in ways you never thought possible
Cat Lady
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 164
Hi! I've been an alcoholic basically since I started college. (I'm 26 now). But being young, it's quite easy to pass off problem drinking as just being a college student.
Anywho... I was diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 19. It's not bulimia but still an eating disorder. I had been dealing with my anorexia since I was around 13ish. Being alcoholic and anorexic was one hell of a ride. I ate nothing for days and existed on vodka (I counted how many calories were in a shot and counted shots). When I did eat... I would eat low calorie soup. I thought it would keep my stomach emptier and would get drunker quicker. I kept a small note pad in my purse with a pencil to count whatever calories I did eat, and I tallied off every time I had a shot so I was able to keep track. It was quite pathetic. My life revolved around alcohol and my weight.
I got to be extremely thin. The lowest I got to was 103 and I'm 5'5. So about 5 shots of vodka on an empty stomach everyday being so thin did the job of getting me black out drunk.
After I finally finished my freshman year, I was put on academic probation with a GPA of 1.91.
That was the last straw for my family. They made me move to an apartment in the suburbs and then sent me to inpatient treatment for my anorexia.
The doctor diagnosed me as depressed so I began taking anti-depressants. Well... First wellbutrin and then Effexor. (I refused any that had weight gain as a side effect).
Fast forward... The inpatient treatment was really helpful. I recovered to a healthy weight and it seemed like the depression was lifted. I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD!
I stopped seeing my doc and therapist and stopped the meds.
I crashed into depression again but didn't seek help. I just turned to liquor. Never did fall back to anorexia though (thank god).
Few months later... I was on top of the world again. Moved back to the city, drank my body weight in liquor, was *ahem* promiscuous, and ended up spending $60,000 in my college fund on absolutely nothing. Wound up with a DUI somewhere along the way too.
I finally went to a psychiatrist (whom I currently see now) because I beat up my then boyfriend and bit him.... Then two days later I was picked up by the cops for walking in the middle of the street proclaiming that I am the second coming of Jesus. Well... Needless to say I was diagnosed bipolar. She said the reason that I felt so on top of the world when I took the anti depressant is because they can send bipolar people into mania.
Holy wow... Long story. If you made it this far... I guess I was just trying to share my story of alcoholism with a bit of eating disorder. Maybe you may be able to relate?
I'm currently very very early in sobriety now and I have to fess up to my doc and therapist tomorrow about my drinking. I always lied to them about it.
I also wanted to add that alcohol and bulimia can mask depression... And what looks like depression might be bipolar depression. People rarely seek treatment when they feel high and mighty. So seeing a psychiatrist will do a world of good.
I just want on a tangent. So sorry!! Hope I helped a little bit!
Anywho... I was diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 19. It's not bulimia but still an eating disorder. I had been dealing with my anorexia since I was around 13ish. Being alcoholic and anorexic was one hell of a ride. I ate nothing for days and existed on vodka (I counted how many calories were in a shot and counted shots). When I did eat... I would eat low calorie soup. I thought it would keep my stomach emptier and would get drunker quicker. I kept a small note pad in my purse with a pencil to count whatever calories I did eat, and I tallied off every time I had a shot so I was able to keep track. It was quite pathetic. My life revolved around alcohol and my weight.
I got to be extremely thin. The lowest I got to was 103 and I'm 5'5. So about 5 shots of vodka on an empty stomach everyday being so thin did the job of getting me black out drunk.
After I finally finished my freshman year, I was put on academic probation with a GPA of 1.91.
That was the last straw for my family. They made me move to an apartment in the suburbs and then sent me to inpatient treatment for my anorexia.
The doctor diagnosed me as depressed so I began taking anti-depressants. Well... First wellbutrin and then Effexor. (I refused any that had weight gain as a side effect).
Fast forward... The inpatient treatment was really helpful. I recovered to a healthy weight and it seemed like the depression was lifted. I was ON TOP OF THE WORLD!
I stopped seeing my doc and therapist and stopped the meds.
I crashed into depression again but didn't seek help. I just turned to liquor. Never did fall back to anorexia though (thank god).
Few months later... I was on top of the world again. Moved back to the city, drank my body weight in liquor, was *ahem* promiscuous, and ended up spending $60,000 in my college fund on absolutely nothing. Wound up with a DUI somewhere along the way too.
I finally went to a psychiatrist (whom I currently see now) because I beat up my then boyfriend and bit him.... Then two days later I was picked up by the cops for walking in the middle of the street proclaiming that I am the second coming of Jesus. Well... Needless to say I was diagnosed bipolar. She said the reason that I felt so on top of the world when I took the anti depressant is because they can send bipolar people into mania.
Holy wow... Long story. If you made it this far... I guess I was just trying to share my story of alcoholism with a bit of eating disorder. Maybe you may be able to relate?
I'm currently very very early in sobriety now and I have to fess up to my doc and therapist tomorrow about my drinking. I always lied to them about it.
I also wanted to add that alcohol and bulimia can mask depression... And what looks like depression might be bipolar depression. People rarely seek treatment when they feel high and mighty. So seeing a psychiatrist will do a world of good.
I just want on a tangent. So sorry!! Hope I helped a little bit!
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Piedmont
Posts: 17
Glad you are here! I wanted to add that often there are DEEP nutritional deficiencies (starting possibly from birth, if mom did not have great nutritional status-which is common with the standard american diet) so to help your BRAIN which is also your GUT, it is hepful to work with a holistic doctor, or at least a nutritionist and read on line about Paleo, Nutrient Dense Diets, and the Traditional Food Movements. These are ALL about eating real food to help heal your gut and brain, regulate your blood sugar and eliminate cravings. This has helped me tremendously with my sugar and food cravings. I have not eaten sugar in 2 years and my eating disorder is reduced to nill and my depression is gone. No drugs needed. Do a little reading. It will be a nice compliment to the other work you are doing. Don't rely on western doctors for everything. They were trained to give you drugs. Drugs are not without consequences. I am not saying it is not helpful to have them in the short term, but honestly, most doctors don't really have a realistic plan to get you off the drugs. If body is balanced, no drugs should be needed. Brain chemistry is not all genetic, a lot can be altered by healthy diet and the proper supplement support of a good holistic doctor, familiar with eating disorders. Good luck to you!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Welcome newpath
I have battled with bulimia, alcoholism for quite some time. For me the bulimia came first, and the alcohol second, but any time I have relapsed with alcohol, my bulimia has played a big factor.
Your doctor will give you some great starting points. Be completely honest with them. I know how hard that can be ... the shame and guilt of bulimia and alcoholism are not dissimilar in my experience.
If you ever want to talk pm me. I understand the lonely place you are in ((hug))
I have battled with bulimia, alcoholism for quite some time. For me the bulimia came first, and the alcohol second, but any time I have relapsed with alcohol, my bulimia has played a big factor.
Your doctor will give you some great starting points. Be completely honest with them. I know how hard that can be ... the shame and guilt of bulimia and alcoholism are not dissimilar in my experience.
If you ever want to talk pm me. I understand the lonely place you are in ((hug))
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Piedmont
Posts: 17
Here is an interesting link between alchohol and health issues. Relevant to eating issues: Controlling the candida at Addicition: Alcohol ... Alternative Alcohol Addiction, message 743825
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
I have definitely binged and purged - mostly when i was drunk but a few times sober as well.
Sometimes I just feel the need to do it. I am kind of obsessed with weight - I think I am fat but in reality I am not. I could drop a few pounds though.
Being sober helps me regulate my negative thinking about my body and weight.
I feel like I GAINED weight through purging. Like my body was holding on to my fat instead of getting rid of it.
Sometimes I just feel the need to do it. I am kind of obsessed with weight - I think I am fat but in reality I am not. I could drop a few pounds though.
Being sober helps me regulate my negative thinking about my body and weight.
I feel like I GAINED weight through purging. Like my body was holding on to my fat instead of getting rid of it.
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