Alcohol Kindling and withdrawal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 6
Alcohol Kindling and withdrawal
Hello everyone,
I want to congratulate all who have made the brave steps onwards and upwards from addiction. Strange how the most dangerous drug of all ( maybe worse than Heroin ), alcohol is socially acceptable and to be expected in our western society.
I have fallen off the wagon so many times in my 52 yrs, never realizing the damage and harm I’m doing to my mind and body. After age 30 ( the deaded milestone ) I started drinking more heavily. My girlfriend and I drank straight though 2 yrs until I left her and stopped altogether. Always fooling myself it would be OK to sometimes drink.
In 2003 my father passed away and I perfomed the Palliative care for him myself at home. Afterwards I started self medicating my loss/griefs in life by drinking about 112 units (10 beer) a day for 7 months until I quit ( cold ). When I drink I drink alone doing nothing, just emptying my mind as if into a void just at a functioning level ( I do eat and maintain my family ).
In 2009 I had another relapse this time for 2 months drinking at the same level. 2010 I got fired from my job, programming, for incompetence and again coped by drinking ( same level) for 3 ½ months, now at age 48.
In 2011 I had a 3 to 4 wk relapse but this time experienced Anxiety attacks when I quit after I had a curtain/streaking in my eye, thought I was having a stroke!
In 2012 I lost another job and drank for 2 months after which I quit cold and got back in shape for 6 months, one night of heavy beer drinking left me hungover for 2 days, I never had one so bad ( kindling?) !
Clean and back in shape for 14 months until I got the news my Mother has lung and Breast Cancer. Now I have to take care of her until the end and fell off the wagon for 6 weeks drinking the 10 beers. When I quit cold this time ( bad withdrawal after 2 days) however at 52 yrs old I went into sever Panic/Anxiety 7 days later. Had to go to the Hospital where they gave me Ativan for the anxiety and sent me home.
I don’t know if I either went into Acute withdrawal or am just suffering from generalized Anxiety due to the fact my life now is a hopeless mess. After taking Ativan for 6 days and tapering off ( I only took 1mg or ½ mg) when Anxiety struck.
After quitting Ativan I had Anxiety/Attacks morning and night, it has now subsided.
The symptoms are like vertigo, sensitive to light kind of ringing in ears tightness in upper chest, fear of having a seizure or blacking out ( but it doesn’t happen ). Fear of having fried my brain. Unable to pick up where I left off, cannot remember how to do things I was only doing a couple of months ago.
I read that it’s no good looking up all the horrible things Alcohol can do to you ( on the web) it’ll only scare you into self fulfilling the symptoms.
This time by God I know I will never let Alcohol cross my lips again ( after this horrible experience).
Sorry about the long story but now my question is:
How much damage did I do to myself drinking 112 Units (10) beer a day, start early afternoon finish 10pm, everyday for 6 weeks? The reason I list my drinking history is that due to my age and Alcohol Kindling I fear it could be bad, hard to regain my cognitive abilities ( my mind).
The weird thing is I’m a bit of a hypochondriac so when I don’t drink I do everything to regain my health, Aerobic exercise, eat well, etc. but I fell off the wagon so many times it has a cumulative effect. I think my liver is OK, no signs of serious damage ( no bloating ).
Will I regain my health or could some of the ( brain) damage be permanent ?
Any Doctors (Psych or MD) out there ?
Thanks and God Bless.
P.S. its been 21 days sober, 7 days past taking Ativan ( bad stuff ).
I want to congratulate all who have made the brave steps onwards and upwards from addiction. Strange how the most dangerous drug of all ( maybe worse than Heroin ), alcohol is socially acceptable and to be expected in our western society.
I have fallen off the wagon so many times in my 52 yrs, never realizing the damage and harm I’m doing to my mind and body. After age 30 ( the deaded milestone ) I started drinking more heavily. My girlfriend and I drank straight though 2 yrs until I left her and stopped altogether. Always fooling myself it would be OK to sometimes drink.
In 2003 my father passed away and I perfomed the Palliative care for him myself at home. Afterwards I started self medicating my loss/griefs in life by drinking about 112 units (10 beer) a day for 7 months until I quit ( cold ). When I drink I drink alone doing nothing, just emptying my mind as if into a void just at a functioning level ( I do eat and maintain my family ).
In 2009 I had another relapse this time for 2 months drinking at the same level. 2010 I got fired from my job, programming, for incompetence and again coped by drinking ( same level) for 3 ½ months, now at age 48.
In 2011 I had a 3 to 4 wk relapse but this time experienced Anxiety attacks when I quit after I had a curtain/streaking in my eye, thought I was having a stroke!
In 2012 I lost another job and drank for 2 months after which I quit cold and got back in shape for 6 months, one night of heavy beer drinking left me hungover for 2 days, I never had one so bad ( kindling?) !
Clean and back in shape for 14 months until I got the news my Mother has lung and Breast Cancer. Now I have to take care of her until the end and fell off the wagon for 6 weeks drinking the 10 beers. When I quit cold this time ( bad withdrawal after 2 days) however at 52 yrs old I went into sever Panic/Anxiety 7 days later. Had to go to the Hospital where they gave me Ativan for the anxiety and sent me home.
I don’t know if I either went into Acute withdrawal or am just suffering from generalized Anxiety due to the fact my life now is a hopeless mess. After taking Ativan for 6 days and tapering off ( I only took 1mg or ½ mg) when Anxiety struck.
After quitting Ativan I had Anxiety/Attacks morning and night, it has now subsided.
The symptoms are like vertigo, sensitive to light kind of ringing in ears tightness in upper chest, fear of having a seizure or blacking out ( but it doesn’t happen ). Fear of having fried my brain. Unable to pick up where I left off, cannot remember how to do things I was only doing a couple of months ago.
I read that it’s no good looking up all the horrible things Alcohol can do to you ( on the web) it’ll only scare you into self fulfilling the symptoms.
This time by God I know I will never let Alcohol cross my lips again ( after this horrible experience).
Sorry about the long story but now my question is:
How much damage did I do to myself drinking 112 Units (10) beer a day, start early afternoon finish 10pm, everyday for 6 weeks? The reason I list my drinking history is that due to my age and Alcohol Kindling I fear it could be bad, hard to regain my cognitive abilities ( my mind).
The weird thing is I’m a bit of a hypochondriac so when I don’t drink I do everything to regain my health, Aerobic exercise, eat well, etc. but I fell off the wagon so many times it has a cumulative effect. I think my liver is OK, no signs of serious damage ( no bloating ).
Will I regain my health or could some of the ( brain) damage be permanent ?
Any Doctors (Psych or MD) out there ?
Thanks and God Bless.
P.S. its been 21 days sober, 7 days past taking Ativan ( bad stuff ).
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on your 21 days, and thanks for sharing your story. Regarding your health, we can't give medical advice or opinions here. I would say for myself though that quitting drinking made a very positive impact on my health. Regarding your liver or memory issues you'd really need it see a doctor. Stay strong, I hope this was your last detox too.
I'd suggest seeing your doctor with your concerns. We can't diagnose over the internet. See your doctor to be sure. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Sounds like you have had a long journey indeed bringing you to the place you are now. This website was and has been a great source of information and support. It does make sense that you have many concerns and questions in early sobriety. Sometimes professional resources that can be assessed can give you answers and other answers will come to you over time as long as you stay sober. 21 days is great!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Kindling is a very real thing for me. My withdrawals became so bad that the last two i thought i would die. Literally. Of course i was a fifth of vodka drinker per day at the very least. You sound healthy. Stay that course and i would think youd be fine.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi sadJohnny -
Welcome to SR.
The brain is a little slower to rebalance - so it can be a normal part of the process to feel off and have some anxiety, particularly with less than 90 days.
The dr can help you understand what is best for you personally to speed up your recovery.
Welcome to SR.
The brain is a little slower to rebalance - so it can be a normal part of the process to feel off and have some anxiety, particularly with less than 90 days.
The dr can help you understand what is best for you personally to speed up your recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone for the encouragement/advice... I will be seeing DR at the clinic tomorrow, It's been 24 days and I'm too paranoid/Anxiety ridden to function properly. Numbness in feet tightness in chest, vertigo sensitive to light.. general fear of stroke/heart attack. Comes and goes....
It didn't help to read about "Frank's sign" creased ear lobe which is a strong indicator of Cardio disease/problems. Damn I have it both ears, I'm only 52, 6'2" weight 200 lbs. THought I was in good shape, I 'm eating good.
When I think of the ears or mind goes to how I'm feeling panic.
This time my brother visiting me from Toronto set me off as well, it's subconscious maybe but I HAD TO Take 1/2 Ativan to squash the symptoms. Hopefully I'm OK ??
Sober since July 11, 2014 Day 24
Why do we do this to ourselves (Alcohol) ?? Deathwish ?
It didn't help to read about "Frank's sign" creased ear lobe which is a strong indicator of Cardio disease/problems. Damn I have it both ears, I'm only 52, 6'2" weight 200 lbs. THought I was in good shape, I 'm eating good.
When I think of the ears or mind goes to how I'm feeling panic.
This time my brother visiting me from Toronto set me off as well, it's subconscious maybe but I HAD TO Take 1/2 Ativan to squash the symptoms. Hopefully I'm OK ??
Sober since July 11, 2014 Day 24
Why do we do this to ourselves (Alcohol) ?? Deathwish ?
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
well done! ur doing great. understand how u feel what harm u might have done and what ur going through.
Anxiety can happen anytime regardless of withdrawal. u say vertigo? that's a blood pressure and height thing not a sight thing from what I know. I suffered from it many yrs ago which I became sick while standing and moving.
Do hope u keep it up, I wish to follow on same track when I fix my head.
Anxiety can happen anytime regardless of withdrawal. u say vertigo? that's a blood pressure and height thing not a sight thing from what I know. I suffered from it many yrs ago which I became sick while standing and moving.
Do hope u keep it up, I wish to follow on same track when I fix my head.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'd strongly suggest avoiding the internet for health info Johnny, especially for someone with health anxiety. I convinced myself I had cancer, heart disease, neurological issues, you name it based on Dr. Google. You'll be seeing a real doctor tomorrow who can actually diagnosed you. It's very possible that your mind and anxiety is generating many of your symptoms, your doc will know for sure. Try and relax if you can, take a walk or get some food you enjoy.
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