Sasha4

I thought I would post this email conversation that I had with a friend via face book who emigrated to New Zealand about 10 years ago.

I have missed her so much since she went.
She has a child the same age as mine and I always thought I would we would spend time together as we got older, when we got married, had children. I suppose things you take for granted but hey she is happy and that is all that counts.

She is coming home for a visit in a few weeks and sent me a message about meeting up. Went a bit like this.

'Hi Sasha, I'm really excited about coming home and am trying to plan now what we do so that we fit everyone in. One night we are hoping for a big group of girls to go out, meal, drinking, dancing, cocktails, more cocktails probably stay at a hotel so we can drink to the early hours so none of us will be capable of getting home'

My heart sort of sank. Thats not me or my thing anymore. They were the sort of evenings in the past that left you feeling rough 3 days later. I didn't reply straight away. She sent me a reminder on my face book to check I got the message.

So I sent this .....

'Hi mate I am beyond thrilled you are coming home. I can't wait to see you and our babies meet each other again. They were only 2 last time they saw each other. I don't know if you know this but I gave up drinking over 2 years ago, so I am not the best company on massive benders anymore. However, I would love to come out for the meal and early on but then will probably say my good byes. I can drive you there and pick you up the next day so you can save cash instead of getting a taxi'.

She sent this

'I never knew that. Why did you give up was it health reasons? If you like come for the meal and by all means leave early and I will find some time for you and me to meet on our on and doing something not drink related'

I sent this

'Thanks that means a lot. I just gave up because I was never very good at drinking, I did things I was not proud of and it often made me unhappy and I prefer life without it'

She sent

'Wow you must be really strong and determined to do that. 2 years is massive! Not sure I could but good for you. I'm looking forward to a more sedate evening of catching up and remembering it all the next day'

I just wanted to post this, as it was a sort of first for me.
Before I would make excuses like I can't drink because I have an important day the next day or anti-biotics etc etc.

However, this time I didn't do any of that carry on and things couldn't have turned out any better for me. I get another night to enjoy with my friend.

I also wanted to post it as I know as newcomers we often stress and worry about how we handle invites to boozy do's or what friends or family might think and actually there was nothing to get in a flap about.

Wishing you all the best xx

Dee74

Thanks for sharing that Sasha

It's been my experience too that people (*or at least people of my age) will leap at the chance of a quiet catch up, or feel relief that we don't 'have to' go out on a bender.

I hope you have a great catch up

D

AlcoholFree66

That is just awesome Sasha - so honest and obviously you have a really 'true' friend. Your story is really lovely. I hope you, your friend and children enjoy some very special time together.

I was in AA for most the 6 years period I was sober previously (before I picked up again - most soul destroying period of my life and I don't recommend it!). I had a wonderful sponsor - she was in her 80s - she suggested I say ' no thanks' and if questioned 'alcohol doesn't agree with me' - I used that many times.

SocratesPlato

Well, before my recent relapse I was sober for a long while and the way I dealt with my drinking friends was simply to tell them I was an alcoholic. It was really hard to do and I was tempted to lie and say that I was on medication or that I had some other health reason for not drinking. In the end though I just decided to tell them straight (and I think that was as much about being honest with myself as it was being honest with them). Most of them were good friends are were very supportive. The ones that weren't are no longer my friends.

Well done on being strong about the night out with your friend. Social pressure can be a challenge for an alcoholic and I think you've handled it brilliantly.

HeadLump

Great post as always, Sasha! And I agree with SocratesPlato, brilliantly handled

PurpleKnight

That's fantastic, sometimes we don't need to fear those conversations!!

That friend is a keeper!!

mirage

Love it, Sasha..thanks for sharing that.