ProudDaddy

Hello everyone. I'll begin by offering a little info about myself. I want to be up front right away and inform anyone reading that this is as true and honest as I can be. I am not spilling my guts in an attempt at gaining attention. I am simply trying to recover and live again. My story is sad and probably quite common but here it goes. I am a 31 year old single father of 3 children. 2 boys and a daughter. I come from a large family FULL of drug addicts and alcoholics. I grew up in foster care because of these addictions. At first my brother and I were bounced in and out of different homes. We had been placed in 6 different homes in about a 6 month period. I was almost 3 and my brother, 6 months old. We finally settled into my aunt and uncles house where we would remain until our teens. Over the years we both suffered abuse in the home. As we got older we began to have mental health and behavioral issues. We were put into counseling but apparently too afraid to say anything about the abuse we were going through. I was having abandonment issues which followed me all through my life. As a teenager I really didn't drink or do drugs. I mean, I tried alcohol and pot but didn't really enjoy feeling like I wasn't in full control of myself. I swore I would NEVER become my mother or father. Just before my 18th birthday my daughter was born. Even though I was so young, I was so content knowing that I had the best reason, the best motivation to stay away from drugs and alcohol. On my 21st birthday I met a cousin at a bar to have a bottle of beer just because I could. It's bizarre looking back now because I hated that beer and only took about 3 drinks out of it before leaving. I really didn't do any drinking after that until about a year later. I went through a bad break up. I took it really hard and spent a lot of time alone in my room. I had a friend that said he hated seeing me so depressed and he was taking me out to have a good time and forget about things for a while. That night was the beginning of this nightmare that I am living now. I learned very quickly that if something was bothering me, I could go drink a bunch of alcohol and I would feel better. Not because it fixed what was broken but because I quit caring all together. This friend that was so concerned about me happens to be my best friend. He is also my worst friend. I have spent the last 10 years drinking myself to sleep usually with him as my wing man. I have been convicted of drunk driving 3 times. I spent 4 1/2 months in jail for the 3rd conviction. 2 days ago I was house sitting for my ex and had my sons with me. I decided to have "a couple" drinks. 5 hours later the kids' uncle was picking them up and the police were taking me to detox. Somewhere along the way I got lost. I became a different person and 2 days ago I failed my children. My son was so scared about how drunk I was that he knocked on a neighbors door. My heart is broken for them. I am so close to my children and finally after 10 years of wasted life, I am realizing that this has taken a huge toll on them. I cannot and will not put them through this anymore. I won't hurt them anymore. I am terrified that I will fail miserably at getting sober and staying sober. I know what I want and what I need to do but failing is very real and extremely scary to me. I am here for encouragement and support. Right now I am feeling alone, depressed, disappointed....if it isn't good then I am feeling it. I need someone, a friend with good intentions. I need help. I want help.

PurpleKnight

Hey ProudDaddy!! Welcome to the Forum!!

SR is a great place for support and finding like minded people with understanding, we all realised something had to change with regards our addictions and needed to get past those same initial fears!!

It's great to have you onboard!! You can do this for you and your family!!

ScottFromWI

Welcome prouddaddy. Getting sober for my family was a huge motivator for me as well, although I've eventually learned that I need to do it for myself. You absolutely can do this if you want to...SR is an portal into all the different recovery methods, as well as a source of tremendous support itself. The key is seeing sobriety as a goal that you must work on each and every day. That might mean AA meetings, counseling, rehab, or any conbination. It won't be easy but it is possible and worth it 100 times over.

The alternative of course is grim. You still have a chance to make a choice that will benefit you and your children. That choice is a privilege, and it can be taken away, just as your
Children could. Be well and read lots here.

rocky123

Hi and welcome! theres tons of support and people to talk to on here all the time you came to the right place

Hevyn

Very glad to meet you ProudDaddy.

SR has meant everything to me - I felt all alone before I came here. It's great to be able to talk things over with those who understand and care.

I drank all my life and was well on my way to losing everything and everyone. I tried to make it fun again - the way it once was - but those days were never coming back. It was toxic and it was destroying me. It feels so good to be free! You can do it. You're never alone.

least

Welcome! You're in the right place if you want help getting sober.

Mags1

Hi ProudDaddy and welcome to our family.

I agree with Scott, I was initially getting sober to save my marriage but found I had to want to do it for me, too.

It really helps being sober, everything becomes clearer and life stops revolving around the bottle.

huntingtontx

Hey ProudDaddy, welcome to SR. This place is a special place with people on the same journey as you. I have never felt judged here and have received some great advice. You can do this. Post often, read and learn. We are all here for you.
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ProudDaddy

I want to get sober for me. I know that I can't love and take care of my children the way they deserve if I can't love and take care of myself. Right this minute I am dealing with a guilt so intense that I am sick to my stomach. Reality is sinking in and I hate what life I have created. In fact, I only exist. I would love to live again.

ScottFromWI

The reality is that you are 31 years old with most of your life ahead of you. Which means that you still have plenty of time to create that life you want, and live it. Be honest about your intentions, especially with yourself, and work at each and every day. Taking action speaks volumes.

ProudDaddy

I know I need to have an optimistic attitude. It's just difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At least right now. After hundreds of failed attempts to quit Nobody close to me has any faith in me at all. They're all just getting the speech again. The "what ifs" are relentless. Tomorrow is a new day. I hope I can wake up feeling refreshed and maybe a little more positive. I've felt this way a hundred times, probably thousands. It will pass.

ScottFromWI

What have you tried in the past as far as support or help when you quit?

Wastinglife

Hi Proud, I have been to rock bottom myself. DUI, bankruptcy, eviction, hospital stays. I have been in recovery for 3 years now. I am also dealing with terrible guilt and shame over events of the last 10 years. I get random memories popping into my head that were lost in the numbing effect of alcohol. I am recently off anti-depressant meds too so a flood of emotions are coming back to me.

No matter what happens with your circumstances, you must not drink.

ProudDaddy

I have attended AA. After my last OWI arrest I joined a local recovery group and I went once a week for 6 months until my jail sentence began. The problem is I went in there and lied through my teeth about being sober. Unfortunately I took advantage of something that could quite possibly have worked or at the very least helped. I got sober on my own in 2012 for 6 months but relapsed when my fiancée left. At this point I am willing to try anything to get better.

ScottFromWI

How about an AA meeting today? There are lots and lots of them in Madison, hourly as a matter of fact Area 75 - Meetings

ProudDaddy

Yes, anything. I need to do something to prove to myself that I am serious about changing. Thank you.

jezza

Welcome Proudaddy..... and so you should be proud.. You have made the first step by coming on SR.. You will find loads of support here.. The people & friends have been such a valuable help to me... Believe me, myself & others here have also tried hundreds of times to stop. for me, staying on here has kept the demon away. Obviously there are other outlets out there to help you but SR works for me. there is always somebody here, 24 hours a day.. Stick at it, read the posts & post, post, POST!!! Rooting for you.. take care.

Raider

The best of luck. I'm sure you're feeling pretty crappy about yourself. You are going to have to fix this now. Lots of work but you have to take care of those kids who look up to you and depend on you. Prayers.

ElleDee

Welcome to SR ProudDaddy! You are with a lot of great people who can give you lots of support. It took me a long time to decide to stay sober for ME and not because of my family. I pray that you can find serenity and peace in your journey to sobriety.

We are here for you!

instant

welcome to SR- change and growth are possible