Nervous about the weekend....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NSW
Posts: 3
Nervous about the weekend....
Ok so I am only very newly sober. Today is Day 8 for me and tomorrow is Saturday and I have 2 events I have to attend and I am REALLY nervous about it.
The first is during the day and it is for my friends hen's day and we are going on a wine tour of all things..... I feel very strong within myself that I will not touch any wine, I don't want to and I have my coping mechanisms in place, but I am still nervous and scared. Im scared that a craving will come on very strong and I wont be able to deal with it. And it will make me anxious and I wont be able to enjoy peoples company and want to leave etc.... BUT I have put into place that I will be driving and will have to leave early as I have an event in the evening, so I am hoping this will help in some way??
Then in the evening I am attending a ball for my partner's football club that is all food and alcohol included and everyone thats going are big drinkers.
I think I will be fine at both of these events, but its hard not to feel really anxious and nervous about the whole day and night.
In the past when I have tried to be sober I have avoided any social situation at any costs. But I know I am going to have to face these sorts of things for the rest of my life. I cant avoid people for the rest of my life and lock myself in the house like a hermit.
I guess I am just scared that I am not going to be able to cope...... Any advise would be appreciated.
The first is during the day and it is for my friends hen's day and we are going on a wine tour of all things..... I feel very strong within myself that I will not touch any wine, I don't want to and I have my coping mechanisms in place, but I am still nervous and scared. Im scared that a craving will come on very strong and I wont be able to deal with it. And it will make me anxious and I wont be able to enjoy peoples company and want to leave etc.... BUT I have put into place that I will be driving and will have to leave early as I have an event in the evening, so I am hoping this will help in some way??
Then in the evening I am attending a ball for my partner's football club that is all food and alcohol included and everyone thats going are big drinkers.
I think I will be fine at both of these events, but its hard not to feel really anxious and nervous about the whole day and night.
In the past when I have tried to be sober I have avoided any social situation at any costs. But I know I am going to have to face these sorts of things for the rest of my life. I cant avoid people for the rest of my life and lock myself in the house like a hermit.
I guess I am just scared that I am not going to be able to cope...... Any advise would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Hi there, NSW. That is a lot to deal with in one day! It is understandable that you are nervous. I am 10 months into sobriety and your day would have me a bit nervous!
Ok, so breaking it down....I think you are wise to be the driver for the hen's day and it is great that you have a reason to leave early. If it were me, once the event gets started I would realize it is just a series of moments that I can get through. Keep your belly full of food, keep your favorite non-alcoholic drink in hand, and turn it into an anthropological study. Notice how other people act and drink. I will bet that at least one other person will drink nothing or very little. Enjoy being in the moment.
And let me say right here that, early in sobriety, I think it is completely ok to use the old "I am on antibiotics and can't drink" excuse. It is so perfect, no one with a brain will argue with it.
Now, for the evening event....can you get out of this one? Would your partner understand if you sat it out? Or if you are really uncertain, could you fake a headache? I do not usually advocate lying (really!) but I think early sobriety is a whole new ball game and we have to make things as easy as possible in order to avoid a slip.
Good luck. You can succeed!
Ok, so breaking it down....I think you are wise to be the driver for the hen's day and it is great that you have a reason to leave early. If it were me, once the event gets started I would realize it is just a series of moments that I can get through. Keep your belly full of food, keep your favorite non-alcoholic drink in hand, and turn it into an anthropological study. Notice how other people act and drink. I will bet that at least one other person will drink nothing or very little. Enjoy being in the moment.
And let me say right here that, early in sobriety, I think it is completely ok to use the old "I am on antibiotics and can't drink" excuse. It is so perfect, no one with a brain will argue with it.
Now, for the evening event....can you get out of this one? Would your partner understand if you sat it out? Or if you are really uncertain, could you fake a headache? I do not usually advocate lying (really!) but I think early sobriety is a whole new ball game and we have to make things as easy as possible in order to avoid a slip.
Good luck. You can succeed!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I disagree with your premise that you have to attend either event. You have to stay sober. This means changing any and all plans to stay that way. Actually it goes further than that. You must be willing to change friends if that is what takes to stay sober.
Many people, my self included, had to change their playground (bars and other drinking events or venues) and playmates (drinking buddies) to achieve long term sobriety.
You may tick off a few people off by not attending these events, but the people that react this way are not your true friends. The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter, don't mind.
If you do go, have an escape plan. Drive by yourself so you can leave at anytime, like the second you are considering a drink.
Many people, my self included, had to change their playground (bars and other drinking events or venues) and playmates (drinking buddies) to achieve long term sobriety.
You may tick off a few people off by not attending these events, but the people that react this way are not your true friends. The people that mind don't matter, and the people that matter, don't mind.
If you do go, have an escape plan. Drive by yourself so you can leave at anytime, like the second you are considering a drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
HI..When I quit, I stopped attending many events such as this, in fact I've changed much of my social life now. I realize you said you'd be the DD, but can you get out of it? I'd say no thanks to some of these events. Send a gift, letter, etc... being the DD,whne you get home, you may feel justified in having one..Either way, try and stay strong..you'll feel much better about yourself in the morning.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: In a tree, UK
Posts: 46
Yeah sending a gift is a good way to go, I agree with ESD. That's definitely what I would do. Then maybe arrange to take your friend out to a place where there is no alcohol readily available to "make up" for you not attending this.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Even you are questioning if this is going to help
I'm almost 14 months out and my dedication to sobriety is like no other time that I have ever quit. I'm peaceful and happy about it. With that being said I would not be attending these events even as far out as I've come. Not because I would drink but because I have no interest in attending events where one of the main goals is drinking alcohol.
If you're fully resolved to go you would be better getting through the second event but the first? Standing there watching my friends not only taking sips of alcohol but reveling in the marvel of the taste, the aroma, swirling the glass and putting it up to their noses? Just kill me now. I couldn't deal with this now let alone in very early sobriety. This is nothing more than self torture in my opinion.
30 days on the mark after I quit there was a milestone birthday party held for my sister in law. My niece traveled up from Texas to hold this party and the entire family and extended family were invited. It was also held at my favorite beer haunt. I had made the decision to go and at the last minute decided that there was something far more important to me and that was my sobriety. I started getting the "where are you?" text messages and calls. I finally told my niece exactly why I wasn't there. A few minutes later my sister in law called and said in a pissy voice "You know, not everybody here is drinking." I responded with "Not everyone has MY problem." It was enough to shut her up and she finally got it.
The best that you can do if you decide to go is realize that you are probably going to have one of the worst times you've ever had in your life. The AV will be screaming at you the entire time that you're there. Your entire post denotes that even you question if you are going to be able to make it through this.
Your choice but it's a thin line.
BUT I have put into place that I will be driving and will have to leave early as I have an event in the evening, so I am hoping this will help in some way??
If you're fully resolved to go you would be better getting through the second event but the first? Standing there watching my friends not only taking sips of alcohol but reveling in the marvel of the taste, the aroma, swirling the glass and putting it up to their noses? Just kill me now. I couldn't deal with this now let alone in very early sobriety. This is nothing more than self torture in my opinion.
30 days on the mark after I quit there was a milestone birthday party held for my sister in law. My niece traveled up from Texas to hold this party and the entire family and extended family were invited. It was also held at my favorite beer haunt. I had made the decision to go and at the last minute decided that there was something far more important to me and that was my sobriety. I started getting the "where are you?" text messages and calls. I finally told my niece exactly why I wasn't there. A few minutes later my sister in law called and said in a pissy voice "You know, not everybody here is drinking." I responded with "Not everyone has MY problem." It was enough to shut her up and she finally got it.
The best that you can do if you decide to go is realize that you are probably going to have one of the worst times you've ever had in your life. The AV will be screaming at you the entire time that you're there. Your entire post denotes that even you question if you are going to be able to make it through this.
Your choice but it's a thin line.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Yes you will have to deal with drinking situations for the rest of your life but that is in the future.
The only thing we have to do is stay sober the rest are choices either good or bad
The only thing we have to do is stay sober the rest are choices either good or bad
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 554
One more thing...Look at people when they drink..sure, many are fine..but many are not. THEY may not have a problem, perhaps only drink once in a blue moon. but when intoxication hits, its ugly. I swear that puts me off drinking more than so many other things. Watching others. Also, I sort of no longer get the point of booze anyway. I personally think coke and water taste better. ALSO, isn't it funny how people can sit down to a six pack of beer (or a 12 or case)..but you never see someone march in with a six pack of soda or juice, and open one after another.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by NewSoberLife 
I cant avoid people for the rest of my life and lock myself in the house like a hermit.
I guess I am just scared that I am not going to be able to cope...... Any advise would be appreciated.
I guess I am just scared that I am not going to be able to cope...... Any advise would be appreciated.
The only advice I would have is to make sure you have a plan in place in case you need a fast exit.
Ohh and congrats on 8 days
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
NewSoberLife I live in the same state as you so I know of hen's parties and football club balls. I have been sober for 16 months and I would not attempt to attend either of these events without thinking very hard. Both events are about drinking and you are at Day 8, that is an enormous test of your sobriety.
I would suggest that you pay for a taxi to ferry your friends at the hen's party and simply be unable to attend the ball -- call in sick or whatever you decide is best.
I would suggest that you pay for a taxi to ferry your friends at the hen's party and simply be unable to attend the ball -- call in sick or whatever you decide is best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The hermit stage won't last forever, but at the start I certainly needed to lock myself in and take some extreme steps to hang onto Sobriety long enough to build up some new habits and strengths to be able to deal with social situations that involve alcohol.
You gotta do what you gotta do to remain Sober in the early days!!
You gotta do what you gotta do to remain Sober in the early days!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Taking5
I disagree with your premise that you have to attend either event. You have to stay sober. This means changing any and all plans to stay that way. Actually it goes further than that. You must be willing to change friends if that is what takes to stay sober.
Cheers, FC
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