tizzkins

Hi all i joined this forum last month when i decided to stop drinking unfortunately i only lasted five days. I really know i have to give up and previously i have managed to stop drinking for 7 weeks twice. For whatever reason i seem to have weak moments where i relapse.

Last night i phoned my parents and two brothers just to catch up and i am so ashamed to say that because i had been drinking i cannot fully remember all of the conversation that is really bad of me isn't it. Drink has been my friend for so long now (well i thought it was) it does wind me down in the evenings but then i dont seem to have an off button to tell me when to stop. I really dont know why but when i have been drinking for some reason i either pick up the phone to speak to someone or i send stupid texts because i get very emotional.

I must sound like a really horrible person to anyone reading this but i am not really it is just when i have been drinking.

So here we go again day 1.

Thanks for listening tizzkins

MythOfSisyphus

We all once felt like the booze was our friend but 'frenemy' is closer to the truth! The bottle does not have our best interests at heart. Welcome back to recover! It gets better, it really does.

Dee74

I don't think anyone here thinks you are horrible tizzkins
we all understand what it's like, and how hard it can be to stay sober.

I think posting here regularly, maybe joining the Class of July thread, and posting daily really helps tho.

You'll find a lot of ideas about other things to try too

D

SoberryHappy

Tizzkins, I am the exact same way. I do not have the "stop drinking, you are drunk" gene in my body. I would drink until there was nothing left to drink in the house or until I blacked out. I would also drunk dial my family, which was the stupidest idea imaginable considering they were all worried about my drinking. I would talk to them for an hour and only remember bits and pieces. Apparently I gave my sister one of my prized possesions while I was drunk, but I didn't remember it. So when I saw her with it a month or so later I was furious b/c I though she just took it. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me that I gave it to her the previous month during our conversation. I thought I could fool them into thinking I wasn't drunk.. I would try really hard to annunciate each word and speak slowly. I wasn't fooling anyone. A friend of mine saved a voicemail that I left for her once, one that I actually remember leaving so I thought I was not too drunk, and I sounded like an idiot, slurring my words and repeating myself. So glad that is all in the past! Dust yourself off and give sobriety another go, it only gets better and better

MythOfSisyphus

Don't worry about being judged here! Many/most of us here have been there and done absolutely scandalous things while drunk. I've driven drunk, gotten in fights and once slept with my best friends fiance. I was once completely out of control. But for the grace of God I could easily have wound up dead or in prison by now. It was a decision I made to get off the ride but I was lucky I lived long enough.

I have made peace with my past. Everyone deserves some forgiveness- forgive yourself.

PurpleKnight

Nothing for it but going at it again, you'll get there!!

Tonymblue

You not a bad person. Your just like me. When i start drinking i keep going until i pass out. I would buy small amounts at the liquor store in an attempt to moderate. Only to go to the liquor store(made sure it was a different one-wouldnt want them to think i was an alcoholic) again. My epiphany has been the fact that i have to abstane. Hey five days sober is an awesome feat. Keep it up.

Boudicca

Hi Tizzy! I remember when you first joined SR! Welcome back. You know you can do this.....we believe in you!
Good on you for coming back! How are you doing today?

MrPhilDuck

You are not an horrible person, you are trying to show the ones you love how much you care for them. You would be surprised how good they would react if you express the same feelings while sober, also you are going to feel 10 times better for doing it.