How do I get a friend to get treatment for alcohol?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 4
How do I get a friend to get treatment for alcohol?
Hi everyone,
I'm here because one of my closest friends is a severe alcoholic and his wife, brother, and I are trying to get him to go to AA. First, I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong forum, but I don't drink very much or that often and don't feel the need for drugs and alcohol to be a part of my life. It's all about moderation, for anything in that case, and being healthy and happy. I try to do the same for eating and working out as well. Anyways, if I have a beer or glass of wine, it might lead to 2 or 3 at the most (but not every night, of course) and I HATE being drunk or that feeling of having had too much the night before. I really cut down too after college and I think I'd get sick if I ever had a shot or a gin and tonic like I did back in the old days. Being 32, my body would be hate me.
Unfortunately for my best friend and old roommate from my senior year, he can't control himself when he drinks. One drink will turn into 15 and he just doesn't stop. He drinks to the point of blackout and now it's affecting his relationship with his wife and family. My family has never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and I don't know anyone who has been to AA or what it's like so I'm my question is what would be a good treatment program for him. I'm in Denver and he and his wife live in NYC, which probably isn't the best place for him because it's a social place where I feel everyone drinks a lot. And his wife drinks and her dad is a alcoholic who has never gotten treatment. I know because when I get together with them every once in awhile, their whole family tries to liquor me up.
The wake up call for me to help him was when he was arrested for the second time for alcohol related activities. Once in Monaco (which I didn't know about until his wife was drunk and spilled the beans) and once in the British Virgin Islands. He also gets so hammered in NYC, that he doesn't go home sometimes until 3am and even if he does, can't talk straight and then calls me 10 times that night trying to tell me that his wife is mad at him. I've told him for years to stop drinking alcohol but I know it's not easy for so many people. I want to help him but the problem is, he never listens to me, and his wife isn't really doing anything other than texting me telling him he's being a loser.
I talked with his brother who wants to get him a therapist but I don't feel like it's enough. He needs it alcohol treatment and my best friend continues to deny that it's the alcohol that is causing his problems for his wildness which is like the standard case for any alcoholic. He also told me he will never do AA. I understand that would not be easy and I know he would be embarrassed. So again, my question is, for a guy living in NYC, what would be the best treatment for the guy and how do I find a way to get him to do it. Do I physically drag him to a private AA person or something??? I promised to myself I would never drink or have any wine or beer in my house when he's around. So congrats to all you recovering because it's a big step just to admit it's a problem. And I don't want him to be mad at me for telling him something over and over again. Because even jail twice, spending $10,000 while drunk and not remembering it, and now having his wife call me and say he is a loser, won't wake him up. So thanks again. And sorry for the long post. You guys all rock. And the best of luck on all your successful journeys too.
I'm here because one of my closest friends is a severe alcoholic and his wife, brother, and I are trying to get him to go to AA. First, I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong forum, but I don't drink very much or that often and don't feel the need for drugs and alcohol to be a part of my life. It's all about moderation, for anything in that case, and being healthy and happy. I try to do the same for eating and working out as well. Anyways, if I have a beer or glass of wine, it might lead to 2 or 3 at the most (but not every night, of course) and I HATE being drunk or that feeling of having had too much the night before. I really cut down too after college and I think I'd get sick if I ever had a shot or a gin and tonic like I did back in the old days. Being 32, my body would be hate me.
Unfortunately for my best friend and old roommate from my senior year, he can't control himself when he drinks. One drink will turn into 15 and he just doesn't stop. He drinks to the point of blackout and now it's affecting his relationship with his wife and family. My family has never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and I don't know anyone who has been to AA or what it's like so I'm my question is what would be a good treatment program for him. I'm in Denver and he and his wife live in NYC, which probably isn't the best place for him because it's a social place where I feel everyone drinks a lot. And his wife drinks and her dad is a alcoholic who has never gotten treatment. I know because when I get together with them every once in awhile, their whole family tries to liquor me up.
The wake up call for me to help him was when he was arrested for the second time for alcohol related activities. Once in Monaco (which I didn't know about until his wife was drunk and spilled the beans) and once in the British Virgin Islands. He also gets so hammered in NYC, that he doesn't go home sometimes until 3am and even if he does, can't talk straight and then calls me 10 times that night trying to tell me that his wife is mad at him. I've told him for years to stop drinking alcohol but I know it's not easy for so many people. I want to help him but the problem is, he never listens to me, and his wife isn't really doing anything other than texting me telling him he's being a loser.
I talked with his brother who wants to get him a therapist but I don't feel like it's enough. He needs it alcohol treatment and my best friend continues to deny that it's the alcohol that is causing his problems for his wildness which is like the standard case for any alcoholic. He also told me he will never do AA. I understand that would not be easy and I know he would be embarrassed. So again, my question is, for a guy living in NYC, what would be the best treatment for the guy and how do I find a way to get him to do it. Do I physically drag him to a private AA person or something??? I promised to myself I would never drink or have any wine or beer in my house when he's around. So congrats to all you recovering because it's a big step just to admit it's a problem. And I don't want him to be mad at me for telling him something over and over again. Because even jail twice, spending $10,000 while drunk and not remembering it, and now having his wife call me and say he is a loser, won't wake him up. So thanks again. And sorry for the long post. You guys all rock. And the best of luck on all your successful journeys too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum skihound!! 
I'm sorry to say, but commenting and hinting at another person's drinking is all you can do, but don't underestimate how powerful or useful this can be, I eventually got Sober and I can honestly can say some of the comments I heard made an impact in my life.
But at the end of the day, the person with the issue with alcohol must make the decision themselves that they need to change, no one can be forced to change, you can't drag a person to AA or rehab, they'll simply leave or come out and drink again.
I would recommend to his wife and family to seek support for themselves, Al-anon is a great place for the friends/family of an alcoholic!!
I wish you all the best!!
I'm sorry to say, but commenting and hinting at another person's drinking is all you can do, but don't underestimate how powerful or useful this can be, I eventually got Sober and I can honestly can say some of the comments I heard made an impact in my life.
But at the end of the day, the person with the issue with alcohol must make the decision themselves that they need to change, no one can be forced to change, you can't drag a person to AA or rehab, they'll simply leave or come out and drink again.
I would recommend to his wife and family to seek support for themselves, Al-anon is a great place for the friends/family of an alcoholic!!
I wish you all the best!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 4
Hey Purple Knight,
Thanks for the advice. Yes, and I know, when it comes down to it, he has to be the one who makes the decision. He did ask me to google "private treatment" but I know he probably wouldn't go. And I'm closer to him than most of his family and he doesn't want anyone knowing about it. And great job keeping sober. Keep it up!
Thanks for the advice. Yes, and I know, when it comes down to it, he has to be the one who makes the decision. He did ask me to google "private treatment" but I know he probably wouldn't go. And I'm closer to him than most of his family and he doesn't want anyone knowing about it. And great job keeping sober. Keep it up!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I'm sorry for your situation, but there is little you can do unless and until your friend decides he has a problem with alcohol and seeks support. If he is denying he's an alcoholic, he is likely not yet ready. I hope that he finds his way.
For you, his wife and brother, you might want to check out AlAnon as a support for yourselves.
For you, his wife and brother, you might want to check out AlAnon as a support for yourselves.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
That's probably a good step, if he trusts you and has confided in you as a friend he may on the inside want to change and turn things around.
I'd say check out the options, only confide in your friend to the exclusion of the rest of the family, trust is a very key thing where addiction is concerned, and you never know, he may go for it and sort things out!!
I'd say check out the options, only confide in your friend to the exclusion of the rest of the family, trust is a very key thing where addiction is concerned, and you never know, he may go for it and sort things out!!
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
I read something in there that is a contributing factor. His wife's at least a heavy drinker. She's not going to be of any help.
If he'll listen to you and his brother when he's reasonably sober, and is willing to get into private treatment, get him into a private detox and rehab program. If he's working he can take a leave of absence. Private counseling when he gets out, maybe one of the secular programs available.
If he'll listen to you and his brother when he's reasonably sober, and is willing to get into private treatment, get him into a private detox and rehab program. If he's working he can take a leave of absence. Private counseling when he gets out, maybe one of the secular programs available.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 4
Thank you trachemys,
This is all great information. And I agree, she is a heavy drinker and she is kind of like "fuel for the fire" as my parents have said. I have a feeling that she would just not doing anything either
And it's not easy turning down a drink when you're socializing with business associates and friends regardless if you drink or not. I'm going to look up private detox and rehab centers. Thanks guys for all your help and I wish you all the best!
This is all great information. And I agree, she is a heavy drinker and she is kind of like "fuel for the fire" as my parents have said. I have a feeling that she would just not doing anything either
And it's not easy turning down a drink when you're socializing with business associates and friends regardless if you drink or not. I'm going to look up private detox and rehab centers. Thanks guys for all your help and I wish you all the best!
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