I had been sober for 4 days when yesterday I gave in. There was beer in a mini fridge in my garage. Company had left it. I went to grab a Gatorade for my wife and there were 12 bottles looking me in the face. I caved.
. Now, this is what I DO know. Physically, I feel fine. I quit before supper even though I had several, but there is something bigger in this failure. I had been wallowing in self pity this morning, telling my wife I'm stupid, not wanting to come clean on this site, basic child pouting for the most part. Then it hit me, like a beam of light in a cave, I have never been this resolute about abstaining, I had never felt this bad about caving. This site is changing my mental fortitude. I admitted to my wife that I AM an alcoholic (something she had been saying for quite some time), and I know now that moderation is not something that exists for me. I refuse to sit here and feel sorry for myself. I made a mistake, it's in the past, I'm on Day 1 and it will be the last Day 1. Thank you so much for the support. I apologize for giving in, but I'm ready to fight, and I don't like to lose!