Clarity
 

I had been sober for 4 days when yesterday I gave in. There was beer in a mini fridge in my garage. Company had left it. I went to grab a Gatorade for my wife and there were 12 bottles looking me in the face. I caved.:tapping. Now, this is what I DO know. Physically, I feel fine. I quit before supper even though I had several, but there is something bigger in this failure. I had been wallowing in self pity this morning, telling my wife I'm stupid, not wanting to come clean on this site, basic child pouting for the most part. Then it hit me, like a beam of light in a cave, I have never been this resolute about abstaining, I had never felt this bad about caving. This site is changing my mental fortitude. I admitted to my wife that I AM an alcoholic (something she had been saying for quite some time), and I know now that moderation is not something that exists for me. I refuse to sit here and feel sorry for myself. I made a mistake, it's in the past, I'm on Day 1 and it will be the last Day 1. Thank you so much for the support. I apologize for giving in, but I'm ready to fight, and I don't like to lose! :thanks.

No need to apologize. Only to yourself and maybe your wife. I gave in so many times I couldn't count them. I had many day ones. But, I never gave up.
Moderation doesn't exist for me, either.
You're right, you made a mistake. It's over and done with.
Best to you on making this your final day one.

We can all count day ones but, the only one that matters is the final one.

The past is in the past, go at it again and you'll get there!! :)

I found it so helpful to get rid of any and all alcohol at home. I'm glad you got through that.

Good job. Im the same way. There is no moderation. Alcohol is something i have to give up. Period. Youve got good resolve. Keep it up.

I love that attitude. I screwed up, now I'm moving forward. I think you're going to do just fine!

Thanks everyone!

things happen waino777. however, if those beers were not there in the first place...

did you dump out the rest?

No apologies necessary, chalk it up to experience... live and learn :) Good for you for posting about it, and now you have the opportunity to plan for any unforeseen event like this in the future. What you tell yourself now about it can fortify you later.