need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
need help
I don't really know why I'm posting here or what I expect. I know I'm the only one who can help myself. But I'm just so lonely tired and sad. I'm just tired of trying and failing. I don't know what to do anymore. Living every day just so scared and worried and lying to yourself about all the ways you're going to fix it. I don't know.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 167
Welcome smallstar. Like you I often feel defeated and scared. I've stopped and started drinking so many times that I sometimes feel it impossible. Hang in there. This site is a wonderful place for support and encouragement. It really does help to talk to others.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
I want to be sober more than anything. I had some clean time. I was in rehab for a year with no problems, not even cravings. I came home and I was on suboxone maintenance. I started abusing it as soon as it was in my possession and not being dispensed to me nightly. Crazy as it sounds suboxone has pretty much become what I prefer but I run out of my months script in less than a week each month. Than it's 3 weeks of chaos and using whatever I can get. It's just a mess. Every month I tell myself next month will be different. But it never is.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: NJ
Posts: 4
Yeah. I've been in AA. Not just attending meetings. Working with a sponsor, working steps, taking commitments. I've tried it for over a year now and I am concluding it's not for me. It doesn't work for me. I am still miserable. I'm not sure where to go from here. I have alk sorts of thoughts but the truth is at the end of the day I'm just going to keep trudging through. I feel it is hopeless at this point and that scares me. I don't want to do this anymore, any of it. I'm so tired of trying. Trying to pretend like I'm a person. It's so hard to go along when you're a liar and a fraud. It's just really really hard and I feel like something bad is going to happen soon and I'm to stuck to stop it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
I am sorry that things seem hopeless, smallstar. We have all felt that way at one time or another. Life's problems can seem large for sober people. When using, the problems increase, and our ability to deal with them decreases. Its a bad double-whammy.
You need to understand, however, that with each day of sobriety, you will get back a little bit more of yourself. You don't have to feel like this any more.
Whatever method that you choose to help you get sober, we will be there with you to offer whatever encouragement and advice that we have. Please post often.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
You need to understand, however, that with each day of sobriety, you will get back a little bit more of yourself. You don't have to feel like this any more.
Whatever method that you choose to help you get sober, we will be there with you to offer whatever encouragement and advice that we have. Please post often.
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
We all know that hopeless feeling. We all know how many day one's we have had. Post and read. Then get clean. Oh you will feel so much more in control and present in your life. Praying for you Sweetie.
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