How ro deal
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 741
Edit: How to deal
Okay so I had a horrible blackout on Thursday... Hands down the worst night of my life the worst 3 hours that I can't remember. I have been sober since but Now I feel like everyone is judging me.... Strangers, coworkers, family.... I feel like since I can't recollect my night then I don't know who knows I'm battling with this crippling disease and who knows what I did. I didn't hurt anyone or anything or compromise my livelihood I just embarrassed myself, banged on my neighbors door causing her to call the cops and drunkingly roamed my neighborhood... When I reflect on my call logs and texts it didn't seem like I was out of my mind drunk (words spelled correctly, having logical conversations) it just kills me that I can't remember enough to confirm that i didn't look like a nutcase. Please tell me this feeling will go away.
Okay so I had a horrible blackout on Thursday... Hands down the worst night of my life the worst 3 hours that I can't remember. I have been sober since but Now I feel like everyone is judging me.... Strangers, coworkers, family.... I feel like since I can't recollect my night then I don't know who knows I'm battling with this crippling disease and who knows what I did. I didn't hurt anyone or anything or compromise my livelihood I just embarrassed myself, banged on my neighbors door causing her to call the cops and drunkingly roamed my neighborhood... When I reflect on my call logs and texts it didn't seem like I was out of my mind drunk (words spelled correctly, having logical conversations) it just kills me that I can't remember enough to confirm that i didn't look like a nutcase. Please tell me this feeling will go away.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 109
It will fade and you'll learn from it. I'm not an alcoholic but i did some stupid stuff with alcohol when i was younger and i recall very exactly the feeling you have. One thing that helped me get through it is remembering that everyone acts out of line at some point and most people are so self conscious of their own behavior and issues they're not so focused on ours as we may believe. keep your chin up. We're none of us perfect.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
If you commit yourself to choosing sobriety and begin to live that path fully, this will be something you never have to feel again.
The sense of being a disappointment, an embarrassment, concerns about what people think.... will all fade away.
It's very hard to put these feelings aside while they're so fresh, particularly difficult when we can't even recall our own actions and are still trying to shake off the emotions associated with a major binge.
There is no 'easy' way through it.... but if you keep on putting one sober step in front of the other, you will be surprised how soon you will begin to see a lifting of these dreadful feelings.
The sense of being a disappointment, an embarrassment, concerns about what people think.... will all fade away.
It's very hard to put these feelings aside while they're so fresh, particularly difficult when we can't even recall our own actions and are still trying to shake off the emotions associated with a major binge.
There is no 'easy' way through it.... but if you keep on putting one sober step in front of the other, you will be surprised how soon you will begin to see a lifting of these dreadful feelings.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
The shame and embarrassment will fade. Unfortunately, what also fades is our resolve to get and stay sober. We dismiss our actions as a fluke, decide it won't happen again, and slip back into drinking. I am not saying you have to cling to the worst night of your life, but there is something to be said about remembering why you can't drink again.
As for dealing with it, soberiety is the best cure for the shame of drunken behaviour.
As for dealing with it, soberiety is the best cure for the shame of drunken behaviour.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
I have been there so many times, I often combined alcohol with all sorts of different pills and blackouts were almost a daily occurrence. I have heard some absolutely humiliating stories of things i've said or done, and it is very frustrating not being able to recall any of it.
As others have said, it does fade. Everyday it will be a little less painful to think about and you will think about it less. But as someone else mentioned its important not to completely forget because for me that always led me to thinking "it wasn't that bad." and that usually led me back to drinking and using and things got worse every time.
We all do things we regret and are embarrassed about, that's just being human. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
As others have said, it does fade. Everyday it will be a little less painful to think about and you will think about it less. But as someone else mentioned its important not to completely forget because for me that always led me to thinking "it wasn't that bad." and that usually led me back to drinking and using and things got worse every time.
We all do things we regret and are embarrassed about, that's just being human. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Blackouts were terrifying for me, too. I had overwhelming concern about what I had, who I had spoken to, absolutely awful. Blackouts had such a profound effect on me, it was one of the reasons I was able to get through early sobriety.
The feelings will fade, but I hope your resolve will remain firm.
The feelings will fade, but I hope your resolve will remain firm.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
[QUOTE=EJM824;4752889) it just kills me that I can't remember enough to confirm that i didn't look like a nutcase. [/QUOTE]
You probably just looked like a drunk. You know what's worse? Being in a blackout..having no recollection of conversations...then people insisting you WEREN'T drunk! I've had that happen. It's even weirder to have to convince someone you were bombed out of your skull.
I don't know how many mornings I have had to look at my phone to see who I have called or texted (some being absolute gibberish). How many completely "out to lunch" Facebook "updates"...one had to do with the merits of foreign porn??? WTH?? I don't watch porn but there was some foreign soft porn thing thing on some late night channel that I happened to land on in some drunken mess. I though I would make some witticism on Facebook on how porn was better if you couldn't understand how ridiculous the script was.
It wasn't funny. I just looked like some sad woman who spent her time drinking and watching foreign porn and updating the world on just how sad her life truly is!!. Argh.
This can end now EMJ.
You probably just looked like a drunk. You know what's worse? Being in a blackout..having no recollection of conversations...then people insisting you WEREN'T drunk! I've had that happen. It's even weirder to have to convince someone you were bombed out of your skull.
I don't know how many mornings I have had to look at my phone to see who I have called or texted (some being absolute gibberish). How many completely "out to lunch" Facebook "updates"...one had to do with the merits of foreign porn??? WTH?? I don't watch porn but there was some foreign soft porn thing thing on some late night channel that I happened to land on in some drunken mess. I though I would make some witticism on Facebook on how porn was better if you couldn't understand how ridiculous the script was.
It wasn't funny. I just looked like some sad woman who spent her time drinking and watching foreign porn and updating the world on just how sad her life truly is!!. Argh.
This can end now EMJ.
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