trying to understand
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 2
trying to understand
My road thus far has been so hard,in a few days time I'll be 3months meth free. My best friend went into rehab and a few days after that I decided I'm also going to stop. I've been doing this by myself,attending NA meetings,couldn't wait for my best friend to get out of rehab,so we could do this road to recovery together. He was so happy to hear I also wanted to get sober. He phoned me every second day to check on how I'm doing. Shortly after he went into secondary care he was in an accident leaving him him hospital for a few weeks,and now is staying back at his folks.
Since then,he has cut off all ontact with me. It hurts. I have told him how hurt I am by this,yet he doesn't reply. He's blocked me and unfriended me. I don't know what I've done wrong!! Its driving me mental. And if he ever does reply(which has only been once) he says read the literature,get a sponsor and do the steps!
Pls help me understand why I'm getting treated like an enemy
Since then,he has cut off all ontact with me. It hurts. I have told him how hurt I am by this,yet he doesn't reply. He's blocked me and unfriended me. I don't know what I've done wrong!! Its driving me mental. And if he ever does reply(which has only been once) he says read the literature,get a sponsor and do the steps!
Pls help me understand why I'm getting treated like an enemy
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR, and congratulations on getting clean.
I can't speak for your friend, of course. Perhaps one day he will be able to explain it to you. The important thing is that you are taking care of yourself. Keep doing that and things have a way of working out.
I can't speak for your friend, of course. Perhaps one day he will be able to explain it to you. The important thing is that you are taking care of yourself. Keep doing that and things have a way of working out.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Rightly or wrongly, he's doing this for his recovery...and in some ways, for yours. He may see you as a trigger to going back to his old ways and is doing what he thinks is right, without realizing how much it hurts you.
Three months is fantastic. Don't let your hurt and confusion about your friend undo this.
Originally Posted by Charn 
...in a few days time I'll be 3months meth free.
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Your friend's behavior makes no sense to me but maybe he just needs space for now?
You don't have control over this so try to not let it bother you so much and just focus on what you need to do to be well.
You don't have control over this so try to not let it bother you so much and just focus on what you need to do to be well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Lower Chute
Posts: 33
What a tough situation, there could be many reasons for your friends behaviour.
Perhaps a condition of having the support of his folks is dependent on not having contact with you?
Perhaps he is struggling himself and it is essential for his quit that he severs contact with people that remind him of using?
Perhaps I'm way out on this, but could something have happened between you while you were using and you now don't remember?
I'm sure there is a good explanation, but if you are truly a friend you wont push for it until he is ready. In the meantime, take care of your own quit, take care of yourself and be happy, sober and ready when he gets back in contact. You can do this. :-)
Perhaps a condition of having the support of his folks is dependent on not having contact with you?
Perhaps he is struggling himself and it is essential for his quit that he severs contact with people that remind him of using?
Perhaps I'm way out on this, but could something have happened between you while you were using and you now don't remember?
I'm sure there is a good explanation, but if you are truly a friend you wont push for it until he is ready. In the meantime, take care of your own quit, take care of yourself and be happy, sober and ready when he gets back in contact. You can do this. :-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 2
Thanks to all. I really am having a hard time dealing with this whole situation. Does he not realize I've got the same goal as him...to REMAIN meth free. He knows this emotional rollercoaster ups and downs, does he not realise if he could just give me a reason,I can have 'closure'? And accept it. Is he treating me this way coz I don't have a sponsor and aint wrking any steps?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Lower Chute
Posts: 33
Well you know, different things work for different people and if your friend is doing well on The Steps, then chances are he's a bit blinkered and thinks that is the ONLY way of doing it. If he's been in rehab, he will have heard a million stories of people failing when getting sober on their own, so wont believe you are doing do well. (Which you are by the way - many congrats on 3 months!)
Just let him know you accept his decision, you hope it wont be permanent, you will keep in contact with him and you will remain sober. He may come round after he see's you have made it, Steps or not.
Side thought: And again I may be way off with this, but is there a chance that he is using again and hiding it from YOU? I truly hope not, but you can just never tell in this funny old life.
Just let him know you accept his decision, you hope it wont be permanent, you will keep in contact with him and you will remain sober. He may come round after he see's you have made it, Steps or not.
Side thought: And again I may be way off with this, but is there a chance that he is using again and hiding it from YOU? I truly hope not, but you can just never tell in this funny old life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: East Coast
Posts: 543
Not sure if this is appropriate but I just read it and it hit home because my step daughter OD'd 5 years ago.
Perhaps your friend needs to do what he needs for his own recovery and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You must do what you need to do for you. Praying for a good outcome.
Micki Moore
Follow · September 20, 2013
"I AM METH"
This was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm....
Please understand, this thing is worse than any of us realize...
My Name Is "Meth"
I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,
your lungs your nose.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
If you care enough, please forward this profound poem and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our young kids young and old...
please look at my picture what it did to me!!!
Perhaps your friend needs to do what he needs for his own recovery and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You must do what you need to do for you. Praying for a good outcome.
Micki Moore
Follow · September 20, 2013
"I AM METH"
This was written by a young girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm....
Please understand, this thing is worse than any of us realize...
My Name Is "Meth"
I destroy homes, I tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I'm made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child's closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you'll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,
your lungs your nose.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always -- right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master, you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
If you care enough, please forward this profound poem and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our young kids young and old...
please look at my picture what it did to me!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The enemy here is addiction, not you, I've stopped trying to figure out the mind of an addict, it is too draining, focus on YOU and if things work out later then great, if not start living your life!! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Your introduction says that you are "trying to understand" the lack of contact from your friend.
Doggonecarl is right. For whatever reason, your friend must think that contact with you is detrimental to his recovery. Fine. You want him to stay clean, right? So, let him do his thing, even if it hurts your feelings temporarily.
You don't have to understand why. You just have to accept it.
You are three months meth free. From what I understand about meth, that is huge. Give yourself the credit that deserve for that. Don't let anything, especially your friend's method of recovery, pull you from the path of sobriety that you are on.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
Doggonecarl is right. For whatever reason, your friend must think that contact with you is detrimental to his recovery. Fine. You want him to stay clean, right? So, let him do his thing, even if it hurts your feelings temporarily.
You don't have to understand why. You just have to accept it.
You are three months meth free. From what I understand about meth, that is huge. Give yourself the credit that deserve for that. Don't let anything, especially your friend's method of recovery, pull you from the path of sobriety that you are on.
Welcome to SR. I am glad you are here with us.
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