HELP! Trying to get my drinking under control
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by breath 
Wow. That moderation plan sounds like a lot of hard work. Please take note of the title of this forum.."Sober Recovery". It's not about these plans, it's about recovery, recovering, sobriety. Most of us have admitted we are powerless over alcoholic and our lives have become unmanageable. So it's no surprise many of us find your posts and ideas a bit wild, we've been there done that, and finally admitted the reality of powerlessness.
The title of the subforum I am posting this in is 'Newcomers to Recovery'. I am a newcomer and I'm on a path to recovery so how is any of this miscategorized? Isn't the purpose of this subforum for new people to get ideas and help REGARDLESS of whether they happen to buy into your particular method? If it works for you then I think it's beyond fantastic, but I think its foolish to assume it's going to work for everyone, that's all.
The way I'm looking at this is the same way I would look at things if someone told me 'you can never have sex again, the only 100% sure way of avoiding pregnancy and STDs is abstinence'. It's completely true, but is it even realistic? And would I even want it? My answer to both those questions is 'No'.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by gardendiva
Thats harsh coming from someone who gets defensive at the suggestion that moderation is very difficult and often impossible.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
There are many people on this board who use other methods than AA. If you stopped quacking for a minute and looked around >especially in Secular Connections< you'd see it . The thing is that they all are about complete abstinence which is the only way if you are an alcoholic.
Google Moderation Management, they have a forum. You can always come back if your attempt at moderating goes South, we'll be here.
Google Moderation Management, they have a forum. You can always come back if your attempt at moderating goes South, we'll be here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Sunsville
Posts: 23
I get the feeling you're just trolling, because there are so many resources for what you want online and a simple google brings them all up.
For instance: What is Moderation Management?
Or: Alcoholics Can Recover from Alcoholism & Drink in Moderation
Or: Moderation vs. Abstinence: What's More Effective? | The Fix
Or really just: https://www.google.com/search?q=mode...+in+alcoholics
Why would you come here just to berate people for choosing sobriety?
For instance: What is Moderation Management?
Or: Alcoholics Can Recover from Alcoholism & Drink in Moderation
Or: Moderation vs. Abstinence: What's More Effective? | The Fix
Or really just: https://www.google.com/search?q=mode...+in+alcoholics
Why would you come here just to berate people for choosing sobriety?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
'do it our way, it's the only way
AA?
SMART recovery?
Lifering?
RR?
AVRT?
Women For Sobriety?
Posting and participating on SR?
Therapy?
Those are some of the ways our members are using, there is not one way on SR, but there is one common truth: none of us can drink safely again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I have tried moderating. it even worked for me for small periods of time.
Now bear in mind, that I have extended an awful amount of time and energy in my quest to moderate.
A absolute awful lot of focus and attention.
Some of the things I have tried to moderate include.
One alcohol free day per week.
Buy a bottle of wine and pour out the first large glass down the sink.
Not start drinking till my evening meal or 7pm, whichever came first.
Limit myself to no more than 2½ glasses of wine when out to dinner lunch,BBQ. etc.
Drink low alcoholic beverages.
The list goes on.
It was so exhausting, my mind always had thoughts of alcohol, always alcoholically vigilant, what's the time now?, really is my drink finished already, maybe I will start earlier today, what's the harm, drink slowly make it last. are they going to finish their wine? Should I, could I just have one more? On and on until moderation wouldn't work and I would drink what I wanted because I somehow felt deprived or deserved it and WTH.
I would always end up back to drinking and everytime it got more and more progressive.
Now bear in mind, that I have extended an awful amount of time and energy in my quest to moderate.
A absolute awful lot of focus and attention.
Some of the things I have tried to moderate include.
One alcohol free day per week.
Buy a bottle of wine and pour out the first large glass down the sink.
Not start drinking till my evening meal or 7pm, whichever came first.
Limit myself to no more than 2½ glasses of wine when out to dinner lunch,BBQ. etc.
Drink low alcoholic beverages.
The list goes on.
It was so exhausting, my mind always had thoughts of alcohol, always alcoholically vigilant, what's the time now?, really is my drink finished already, maybe I will start earlier today, what's the harm, drink slowly make it last. are they going to finish their wine? Should I, could I just have one more? On and on until moderation wouldn't work and I would drink what I wanted because I somehow felt deprived or deserved it and WTH.
I would always end up back to drinking and everytime it got more and more progressive.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by 501BeautyQueen
I get the feeling you're just trolling, because there are so many resources for what you want online and a simple google brings them all up.
For instance: What is Moderation Management?
Or: Alcoholics Can Recover from Alcoholism & Drink in Moderation
Or: Moderation vs. Abstinence: What's More Effective? | The Fix
Or really just: https://www.google.com/search?q=mode...+in+alcoholics
Why would you come here just to berate people for choosing sobriety?
For instance: What is Moderation Management?
Or: Alcoholics Can Recover from Alcoholism & Drink in Moderation
Or: Moderation vs. Abstinence: What's More Effective? | The Fix
Or really just: https://www.google.com/search?q=mode...+in+alcoholics
Why would you come here just to berate people for choosing sobriety?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
Welcome, lbw. None of us can really know what your addiction level is or how successful you'll be on your quest to return to moderation.
My only advice is to be as brutally honest with yourself as you can about what you really want out of a drink. I always think it would be great to have a cocktail with friends or a few beers on a long Saturday barbecue or a glass of great wine at an A+ restaurant or whatever. I've personally come to realize, though, that these things aren't *really* what I want. I want to feel the way I felt when I was drinking. I can't do that via moderation, at least not anymore, so the equation is pretty simple. (even though it hasn't been simple to solve
)
Maybe for you the equation is different. I wish you luck. Keep posting. I doubt you'll find much good advice here about moderating as a recovery choice, but that doesn't mean you're not welcome. . . .
My only advice is to be as brutally honest with yourself as you can about what you really want out of a drink. I always think it would be great to have a cocktail with friends or a few beers on a long Saturday barbecue or a glass of great wine at an A+ restaurant or whatever. I've personally come to realize, though, that these things aren't *really* what I want. I want to feel the way I felt when I was drinking. I can't do that via moderation, at least not anymore, so the equation is pretty simple. (even though it hasn't been simple to solve
)Maybe for you the equation is different. I wish you luck. Keep posting. I doubt you'll find much good advice here about moderating as a recovery choice, but that doesn't mean you're not welcome. . . .
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I've removed some posts under rule 4.
Hi liqourbeernwine
I have to admit I didn't post in this thread because I have absolutely no experience to share on how one can successfully control their drinking.
The overwhelming majority of us here have found that abstinence is the only way to deal with the type of drinking problem we have.
I'd go further and say for me there is no recovery without abstinence.
That's where the members here are coming from.
You're coming from a different place. I get that.
I was you.
I fought bitterly to keep alcohol in my life, against all reason and against all odds.
I could never do that.
That's the experience of most, if not all of us, here.
You getting angry with us, or us with you, is not going to change that.
D
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No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
Hi liqourbeernwine
I have to admit I didn't post in this thread because I have absolutely no experience to share on how one can successfully control their drinking.
The overwhelming majority of us here have found that abstinence is the only way to deal with the type of drinking problem we have.
I'd go further and say for me there is no recovery without abstinence.
That's where the members here are coming from.
You're coming from a different place. I get that.
I was you.
I fought bitterly to keep alcohol in my life, against all reason and against all odds.
I could never do that.
That's the experience of most, if not all of us, here.
You getting angry with us, or us with you, is not going to change that.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
LBW. If moderation was an Olympic event, you are looking at the locker room of souls who didn't make the cut and asking our advice on how to win the gold.
You might not be like me. What I can tell you is that it is the dream of pretty much every person with an alcohol problem to "learn" how to drink. We all remember the days when alcohol worked for us……until it didn't. It is my belief that once you cross that invisible line you will never be able to drink like a normal person.
Moderating is not normal drinking.
If you have a problem, it isn't going to go away. None of us can tell you what you are, that is your call.
In short, you are asking for guidance to be able to do something that most of us have failed miserably at. It is like me approaching a driver who has just totaled his car and asking for driving lessons….
I have been here a while, and I have yet to read about any former member who figured out the answers I seem to be missing and came back here to fill us in. Those who do return are usually humble in the fact that they eventually realized we weren't being unkind. I hope that you can figure this out, it is a tough spot to be in.
You might not be like me. What I can tell you is that it is the dream of pretty much every person with an alcohol problem to "learn" how to drink. We all remember the days when alcohol worked for us……until it didn't. It is my belief that once you cross that invisible line you will never be able to drink like a normal person.
Moderating is not normal drinking.
If you have a problem, it isn't going to go away. None of us can tell you what you are, that is your call.
In short, you are asking for guidance to be able to do something that most of us have failed miserably at. It is like me approaching a driver who has just totaled his car and asking for driving lessons….
I have been here a while, and I have yet to read about any former member who figured out the answers I seem to be missing and came back here to fill us in. Those who do return are usually humble in the fact that they eventually realized we weren't being unkind. I hope that you can figure this out, it is a tough spot to be in.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
When I got sober almost nine months ago, I was moderating fairly successfully for the entire summer. However, it wasn't fun, it took so much effort and time (apps on my phone) and overall, was not satisfying. Someone on the board said to me, "You have given 27 years to drinking, why not give sobriety a 1-3 month try." Sobriety felt so darn good after just a few weeks, that I kept adding months to "give sobriety a try." Now, I hope to never look back. It hasn't been easy, but I am healthier, clearer, more peaceful than I have ever been my whole adult life. I quit other things that were bad for me with ease (Diet Cokes, red meat, etc.) so realizing how hard it has been for me to quit drinking alcohol and stay quit , just proves to me that I am an addict just like anyone else here. So, I challenge you, "You have given all those years to drinking, why not give sobriety a fair try??"
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Western NY
Posts: 1,209
LBW - you said you were able to successfully moderate coke and cigarettes, right? Were you able to do so without cravings? That is the whole kicker to me about moderation. The cravings would be insane for me.
At the end of the day I can only offer advice based on personal experience. My personal experience is that I tried every way you can imagine to moderate and gave up. In fact, I found attempts at moderation to be even worse than active addiction. At least with active addition I could just let go and stop fighting while I sank deeper and deeper into the hole. Trying to moderate is just not even close to being worth the trouble. I have met many people that tried and every one of them failed without exception. That is the extent of my knowledge about moderation.
You are an adult. No one else can control your actions. If you want to try moderation and are successful then hats off to you. I think the first step would be to find someone who was an addict that was successful at moderation. They may be able to give you some insight into the process. I haven't found one yet.
At the end of the day I can only offer advice based on personal experience. My personal experience is that I tried every way you can imagine to moderate and gave up. In fact, I found attempts at moderation to be even worse than active addiction. At least with active addition I could just let go and stop fighting while I sank deeper and deeper into the hole. Trying to moderate is just not even close to being worth the trouble. I have met many people that tried and every one of them failed without exception. That is the extent of my knowledge about moderation.
You are an adult. No one else can control your actions. If you want to try moderation and are successful then hats off to you. I think the first step would be to find someone who was an addict that was successful at moderation. They may be able to give you some insight into the process. I haven't found one yet.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Dee74
I've removed some posts under rule 4.
Hi liqourbeernwine
I have to admit I didn't post in this thread because I have absolutely no experience to share on how one can successfully control their drinking.
The overwhelming majority of us here have found that abstinence is the only way to deal with the type of drinking problem we have.
I'd go further and say for me there is no recovery without abstinence.
That's where the members here are coming from.
You're coming from a different place. I get that.
I was you.
I fought bitterly to keep alcohol in my life, against all reason and against all odds.
I could never do that.
That's the experience of most, if not all of us, here.
You getting angry with us, or us with you, is not going to change that.
D
Hi liqourbeernwine
I have to admit I didn't post in this thread because I have absolutely no experience to share on how one can successfully control their drinking.
The overwhelming majority of us here have found that abstinence is the only way to deal with the type of drinking problem we have.
I'd go further and say for me there is no recovery without abstinence.
That's where the members here are coming from.
You're coming from a different place. I get that.
I was you.
I fought bitterly to keep alcohol in my life, against all reason and against all odds.
I could never do that.
That's the experience of most, if not all of us, here.
You getting angry with us, or us with you, is not going to change that.
D
Hey Dee, I appreciate the kind words as well as those of others who have shared their personal experiences in a frank and honest way.
Unfortunately, I don't think this is the place for me at all, it's like arguing with the flat earth society to even suggest something that isn't an absolute. Please delete the thread for me, it's proven a waste of time for me and for your faithful posters.
best of luck to you!
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