megacrankcase

Every day is a challenge, and temptations abound. One every street corner is a place to buy alcohol.

But next weekend is going to be the hardest for me.

I go to horror conventions. Yeah, it might be childish, but I love horror fiction and I fraternize with writers and fans. It's fun. I've been planning for almost a year to go to one next weekend.

These people drink a lot. I think most of them go back to their lives and are sober most of the time. Not me. I certainly drank MORE at conventions, but I would go home and return to my nightly drinking routine.

My roommate is famous for his Manhattans. I'm sure he will be mixing them in our room. I can't ask him not to. He is paying half, and I don't see that others have to change their lifestyles in order to accommodate us.

Maybe I should cancel? The answer to that is, I can't.

I used to take my stepdaughter to horror cons when we were together. The family broke up when my ex had an affair. It was at least half my own fault, but that is another story.

She told me that horror conventions are the best memories of her childhood. She makes costumes, and has won awards.

Now she lives 2000 miles away and I always told her that we would go to a convention again. Between graduating high school and going off to college. She just graduated.

This is her graduation present. Sure, maybe I CAN cancel it, but no, I can't. I can't.

I've been torn about it. Sleepless nights. I can't drink there. I have to drink there. It will be a good test to see if I can drink and come home and stop again.

No. I can't drink. Period.

I am up for this. It will be hard, but I will be so proud of myself.

My stepdaughter's name is India, and she is the best in the world. The best friend I've ever had and one of the wisest, most loving, compassionate individuals I have ever met. I've never loved anyone more than her.

India will be proud of me when I get through this. I almost typed, if I get through this, but that is already casting doubt on my resolve.

I can do this. I will do this. I will have a great time, and I don't need booze to do it. I will have a much better time without it. Not to mention the outrageous amount of money I generally spend in the bar will be saved.

Thanks for reading, and God bless.

MrBen

I can't tell you really, it would be a shame for you to miss out but if it will cause you to relapse then you may have to sacrifice it this year for the greater good.

If you decide to go there needs to be no doubt in your mind that you're not going to drink. In fact, go and if you see yourself heading for a drink, go home.

I found treating myself in other ways during withdrawal really helps me. So I'd have as much as your favourite food as you can handle, or maybe use the money you'd save to buy something cool the next day.

I don't think it sounds childish by the way, that's an awesome hobby =)

megacrankcase

I would cancel, but for my stepdaughter. She deserves this. The poor thing has been through a hard time herself. Getting yanked out of school here, right in the middle of class, moving and sharing a two bedroom apartment with five other people, then two different moves while in high school. Her sister went to live with the grandparents.

The crap I've been through, with the stomach cramps and headaches from that anti-inflammatory medicine, to how the Vicodin made me sick, and now this pneumonia. I want to feel good again. I want it more than anything.

IOAA2

Hi. Personally I would not recommend going as there are many triggers that might rear there heads and be too tempting.
“I can do this. I will do this. I will have a great time, and I don't need booze to do it. I will have a much better time without it. Not to mention the outrageous amount of money I generally spend in the bar will be saved.”

When I finally stopped drinking it was strongly suggested to think of NON drinking thoughts. It takes practice but it works. If your in AA there is always meetings to attend and/or take a sober alcoholic along on the trip.
I was also taught to go to ANY length to not drink.

BE WELL

MrBen

Then go and have a brilliant time. Think of how awesome it will be for your daughter to have their dad sober having a great day out. I think you'll look back on that day as a major turning point- you stared your nemesis in the face and knocked it the hell out.

megacrankcase

Two of my friends who go have agreed to not drink when they are there, and to keep me company. I did not ask them to; they offered. I didn't want to even bring it up, but a friend usually brings me some homemade wine and I asked him not to. He said that he would hang out with me and not drink. I won't hold him to it, but it means the world to me.

megacrankcase

I usually maintained a decent front while drinking. Even at these get-togethers. But one year I was out back of the hotel, in the humid rain, drinking ****-warm Margaritas. They were ridiculously strong. And every time I turned around, someone was putting a beer in my hand. I got in a car and took a cruise and smoked a blunt with some guys. That's all I remember. The next day people were laughing, saying I could not walk, and was babbling nonsense.

I know my kids were around. I am sick with shame when I think of it.

ForMeForThem

You know all the things your AV is trying to tell you aren't true and having to quit again is not easy. Stop those thoughts before they take hold. I know for me, if I let those thoughts occupy too much space in my head, they start to wear me down. I have to work to adjust my focus if I want to stay sober.

Maybe you could bring a speical non-alcoholic drink to have for yourself in the room? Let your roommate know right from the start you aren't drinking. Just remember, you are in control of whether you take that first drink.

Does India know your situation? If so, be honest with her about what you're dealing with. That might help hold you accountable and I bet she'd be a great support.

I think you have a great attitude. Keep the focus on what you're really there for...a promise you made to your step-daughter and enjoying time together. You can get through it. You'll both be proud you did. Let us know how things go.

PurpleKnight

I would imagine that there will be loads of kids and families at this event, so it should be easier to sideline alcohol by focusing on just that, a family day out with your step daughter, I'm sure most don't go and get hammered, maybe just the odd drink or so as part of a family day out.

I was pretty similar, when I started going to ice hockey games again after becoming Sober, but it's a similar thing, no one goes to a game to just drink, it is a secondary action/activity behind actually watching the game, as I would imagine it is with this horror convention, it's not like going to a bar or a liquor store and the sole purpose of the activity is to drink.

So, with that in mind I found I could detach the secondary activities from the main event, at games I'm surrounded by other families, loads of dads drinking coffee on an evening out with their kids, loads of people not drinking during a family activity.

I too, just like all those families, now bypass the beer stalls and the pre game drink in the bar before hand and concentrate on the games . . . it can be done!!

Tiptree

You can do this. Let your step daughter know. Plan things to do outside the con that don't involve alcohol. Stay out of the hotel room when the manhattans are flowing (one of my favs btw). Set yourself up for success and don't accept failure, not matter what, you will not drink! This is a greater gift to your step daughter than anything else. Just think of the joy you will feel in your heart after this is but a memory. You have this!

MrBen

You can do this! We're all behind you. Just think of all the fun you can have without drinking. You can enjoy the festival for what it is. You can even dance if you want to, leave all your friends behind.....

megacrankcase

I have not told India that I am currently sober. Just as I have not told my employer. They've heard it before and I know that they will have doubts. I've broken so many promises.

I will discuss it before the con. We will be spending a few days together before we go.

Unfortunately drinking is a major part of these things for some people. My closest friends, in some cases.

I think I will request that the room be a safe haven for me. It's in my name, after all. I think my buddy will understand.

As far as avoiding temptation, I think we sometimes have to face it head on if we want to defeat it. That is, if we think we are ready. I know I am.

megacrankcase

I love that. It's also one of India's favorite songs! I bought her a turntable system a couple of years back, and the extended 12" of The Safety Dance is one of her cherished records.

The Safety Dance. Hmmm. I never thought of it in those terms before.

Dee74

I'm amazed by the way we make early recovery even harder.

This is not the last convention ever.

I spent years putting my drinking first. I had to put my recovery first if I wanted lasting change.

I wouldn't go.

How old is your stepdaughter?
D

megacrankcase

She is 18.

Dee74

Then she could go on her own this year and you could join her next year?

D

megacrankcase

Nope. I'm not halting my life and I'm not going to hide. I'm not powerless. I can and will win this.

Dee74

Yes, the idea is to live our lives loud proud and sober - but we need to work up to that.

Noone lifts 300 pounds the first time.

Don't bite off more than you can chew.

I speak from experience, not dogma.

Pride can really mess us up.

You have pneumonia, yeah? thats an excellent reason to cancel, outside of any recovery deliberations.

Choose carefully. Best wishes

D

megacrankcase

Waitaminute: Live our lives with pride, but pride can mess us up?

Dee74

LOL.

The pride that led me to bite off more than I could chew was not good pride.

For the sake of clarity lets call that hubris

D