brach123

lots of things have been whirring around my head the last couple of days, would love to have some input from you guys...

so I was a daily drinker, always in to black out, life was awful, lots of consequences but they only seem to have kept me sober a few months at a time. I seem to start doing well, feeling good and then when I hadn't really seen it coming, bang I feel overwhelmed with what I tell myself is the 'need' to drink and I just do it, despite knowing its a bad idea. It's like my mind just starts to go off track gradually.

Anyway when these strong obsessions have kicked in I feel extremely hyper active, running a hundred miles an hour and feel like I'm on some sort of drug, has anyone else experienced this?

how do you get through these times?

how do you keep your mind thinking logically?!

the scary thing is I have had this happen a few times this year and I've never got through these really strong compulsions and always just done it, barely with any fight and knowing on a certain level that its a bad idea.

thank you all

Soberpotamus

Sounds familiar.

I just don't drink. No exceptions. I try and do whatever it takes to maintain a semblance of serenity. I eat right, exercise, get sleep, take vitamins, read recovery books, and go to continuing care meetings. Basically, I stick to a strict routine. I don't put myself in dicey situations. And when I'm truly triggered or tempted in a way that makes me salivate for it, I remember the gory details of what drinking wine does for me. Blackouts. Arguments. Fights. Guilt. Shame. Procrastination. Stagnation. And possibly a DUI or trip to a hospital (because I've experienced both of these).

Read up on "urge surfing." Consider AA, or some other program. It helps to surround yourself with others who are addicts.

PurpleKnight

What is the reason for the need to drink? what is the reason your brain mentions?

changeiscoming

Yesterday I missed my train going home by 2 minutes. The next one was not for half an hour. I was mad - it threw off my whole night and there I am in Penn Station with beer and wine everywhere. I said "screw it, my night sucks I am gonna drink." I had it in my head that I deserved it for such a crappy night. Then I called my fiance - he is my only support besides this forum because I had promised I would call him before I drank and I knew it was the right thing to do. He talked me through it and I went a bought a seltzer and calmed down. It was not easy going through it but I promised my support that my plan woul dbe to call someone before I picked up a drink. I have always broken that promise in the past and hid from everyone. It is hard not to run and hide but it is much better ending the day sober because if I did drink I know I am right back to that feeling which is much more awful than the craving.

Jupiters

"And when I'm truly triggered or tempted in a way that makes me salivate for it, I remember the gory details of what drinking wine does for me. Blackouts. Arguments. Fights. Guilt. Shame. Procrastination. Stagnation. And possibly a DUI or trip to a hospital (because I've experienced both of these)"


me too. Yesterday was the first day I had where I was truly wanting a glass of wine...then I just forced myself to remember the last binge I had that landed me with my 2nd DUI, jail time, almost losing my job, BF and family...

the feeling passed pretty quick.

Soberpotamus

It's a powerful motivator, isn't it?

Also... to the OP, keep in mind that urges and cravings typically run the gamut in about a 20-30 min period. At the very least, learn to switch out of this chaotic mindset by distracting yourself in some way. Distraction is a good tool that I used initially.

brach123

well done changeiscoming, I wish I had done the same, I ran instead and massively regret it.

purpleknight, I seem to convince myself I need to drink, when I get the feeling I mention its like I convince myself it won't go away if I don't give in? i don't know it sounds strange but that's all I can think of. I even spoke to my Mum first but I just couldn't seem to think rationaly, although I knew I wouldn't control it and I would most likely be kicked out if I did drink.

jennie, I thought I was doing pretty well with that kind of thinking, obviously not, I will check out your suggestions and need to keep up a programme even when feeling good (which seems to trigger me more than feeling bad!)

Jupiters

the memory of that withdrawl/detox will stay with me as well. But yah, jail time is pretty much the end of the line for me. I am not looking forward to this at all and can't wait for it to be over with so I can move onward and upward. I know after this, I will never be the same person again. That's probably not a bad thing. LOL

Jupiters

I found this was me as well. It was always the times when things were going AOK...everything is HUNKY DORY....the self-sabotage kicks in.


hang in

brach123

yes I do need to do something different in these moments as I know from experience that the odd 2-3 day binges will soon link back to daily drinking and the state I get in even after 12 hours of drinking I don't know what will happen to me.

in terms of remembering past consequences, I honestly feel like I just push it all away and choose not to acknowledge it, I definitely need to slow down and think more rationally.

Soberpotamus

Feeling good is probably my most common trigger. Feeling good and wanting to keep that feeling going, or amplify it. Yep. I know how that goes.

Just a thought... have you considered seeing a psychologist? Only reason I ask is because part of your description sounds a bit like mania, as in bipolar. Might not be, but just a thought.

I feel extremely hyper active, running a hundred miles an hour and feel like I'm on some sort of drug, has anyone else experienced this?

Nuudawn

Wrestling the wild bronc of a brain can be tough business. Just this morning I was feeling "anxious". My anxiety is something I become keenly more aware of in sobriety. When drinking..it's still there and it shows up in irritability, impatience ..but I'm just not as "conscious" of it so to speak. No matter what the issue..my internal eye is fixed on the drink..when I get off work..get home...get away from wherever/whatever I'm at that I can't drink. That fixation...obsession....seems to trample all over my consciousness..awareness...

Anyhoooooo...

Let me get back to point. This morning, in an anxious state, I remembered a free app I downloaded on my phone in my last sobriety (and haven't used since...and almost deleted)..it a self hypnosis/positive affirmation app..

I used it. It helped. I now remember a relaxation/music CD in my truck..that I would use on my way home from work..that I also used a lot...in sobriety..

We have to come up with new things to deal with..now that we've woken up...now that we are conscious...not living our life in suspension anticipating the next drink.

My sobriety is still so very new again...but stuff is starting to come back...things I forgot. Things that I was doing and what helped me...with my bronc rustlin'.

brach123

hey jupiters that is exactly what my social worker said, that I seem to keep self sabotaging when i'm doing well. Its a very weird concept but I kind of get it, I don't think I'm that used to life going smoothly and happily, although that is really what I want!!

brach123

I had considered there may be something else underlying these feelings but thought it may just be another excuse I've come up with. Thing is this feeling lasts much longer than an hour, even if I do drink, plus people usually notice this way before I do, usually that I'm talking very fast or loud, or zipping around everywhere, but in the end it feels physically very uncomfortable, nearly painful. maybe I should mention this to my doctor.

brach123

thanks nuudawn, i'm starting to use some of my past cd's and books also, I need to keep this my number one priority.

Dee74

Hi Brach
I used to get running brain after a while sober...my brain would race away at a million miles an hours, thoughts, fantasies fears - then the mantra would begin...'a drink will fix this'.

A drink will not fix this. I think you and I have been around the course long enough to know that.

Having a support system, really helped me. And working on my recovery, even when I was happy being sober, helped me too.

Start looking at healthy ways to combat the various things in your life that used to be a clarion call for a drink.

Make the necessary changes in your lifestyle to back up your commitment to being sober.

If the 'brainstorm' happens, use your support.

You can stay sober

D