Aellyce

Hey Nuu, that is interesting. I do get the Sybil association I guess you know why/how you have developed this perception about yourself.

Nuudawn

Er um..the Sybil perception? No I don't think I'm Sychizophrenic

I would have to say I was heavily influenced by extrinsic motivations and factors (e.g. upbringing and their perceived motivations/values) rather than intrinsic ones..and I would say that was because I didn't like or perhaps fully accept who I was within.

hokey

I used to think that "surrender" was a bad word. Until I finally realized that it could actually save my life.
I've been a fighter and a control-freak for 46 years and my life has been filled with anger and chaos. It's only when I finally surrendered my will over to the care of my higher power that I have truly felt at peace. I understand the word serenity now. My life is much simpler (not easier, just simpler) since I stopped trying to run the show. I no longer take on everyone else's "stuff" and try to fix everything. I do not try to impose my will on the world around me.
So, yes, I have surrendered ... gratefully!

ultradad

cl9000

It's probably not very popular in addiction recovery (especially in AA), but yeah I do think I know best. I always say I know what I *need* to be doing, I just tend to not do it with my addiction. But I believe strongly in self-empowerment, willpower, and all that good stuff. I'm a guy, but one of the things that has spoken to me the most is the Women for Sobriety "13 Affirmations" (womenforsobriety.org/beta2/new-life-program/13-affirmations/).

This doesn't mean I should recover in isolation, or that I don't need to talk to other people about it, but at the end of the day I understand myself and behaviors better than anyone and trust myself to do what's right and deal with it effectively if I make a mistake.

Soberpotamus

What my gut instinct suggests and what I do are not always the same. I do trust my gut instinct, yes. But my instinct isn't what caused me to drink. I knew that drinking was a bad idea all along. And when I say gut instinct, I mean conscience and "spirit" as well. Gut instinct, for me, doesn't mean the same as lizard or lower brain, or survival instinct. It's my "lizard brain" that wanted to drink. I probably view my gut instinct the same way a Christian views her spirit or connection with a personal God.

Nuudawn

^^^^^ ya ya...what SJ said.

ScottFromWI

I feel that the decisions I need to make in my life are best made as a combination of my personal experience and the experience of others. I feel that I do know what is best most of the time, but that knowledge came to me from many different places - my upbringing, my schooling, my daily experiences with others, etc.

I feel it's also very important to realize your limitations. Asking for help in making a decision can be construed as a weakness by some, but I view it as a strength.

lovesymphony

I'm a firm belier in people thinking for themselves and not following along with something because they're told to do it, by another who thinks they know you better than yourself. That becomes arrogance on the other person's part in many cases, thinking they know you better than you know yourself.

And anyways, you still have to use your own judgment when deciding who you will listen to, as everyone who's sober won't tell you to do the same things. An alcoholic can think clearly when they're sober and on some deep level, beneath the rationalizing and denial, does usually know best what they need to do but isn't doing it.

Nuudawn

With respect to "gut instinct"...
When I dragged my sorry self to AA in a sobriety long ago and far away...I was pretty messed up...weak and vulnerable. I was so desperate for help, love and kindness...

At the end of my second meeting, a man came up and asked me out for coffee. At first...I was so grateful that someone sought me out...wanted to help me out..was going to show me the ropes, give me some AA advice yadda yadda yadda...

I will NEVER forget that night... how I felt in that dark parking lot...just so damn tickled that someone in that big ole meeting ..saw me...saw I was hurting and scared.

I was about to take him up on it....BUT something said ''Ya ..no...don't do it...something is funky here...not a good idea".

Ya I learned bout him..and something called "13 stepping" a few meetings later.

(Sorry this in not meant to dis AA....just wanted to say..sometimes..

YOU are all you've got)

GwenCummings

Thanks guys! What an interesting lot of opinions, as always. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes imagine dangers that aren't there. I don't trust my instincts because of that.

I am learning now to let go of things a bit. Control freakery is exhausting. If I could just feel connected instead of oddly spaced out all the time I would be grateful.

PurpleKnight

When I first sought out help and support I signed up to SR, I didn't know best about anything, I was seeking a lifeline, someone to give me some advice on what to do, I think also just someone to tell me and reassure me it could be done, sometimes I go back and read those first comments on my first thread.

Sober, I have started to trust myself, but I think it's important to still be open to other viewpoints and opinions!!

We can't know everything, all the time . . . unless of course your Dee, that guy knows some stuff!!

soberlicious

I understand this. I don't know about you, but for me how I grew up caused a lot of this not trusting myself. I knew things were bad and wrong, but you just didn't acknowledge and you certainly didn't let anyone else know what was going on. When people are abused, but continue to smile and act like everything is ok...it's a seriously damaging mindf*ck for a child. I still don't often know if ways that I feel are "real/valid". It's confusing and exhausting, but it got better as I let go of worrying about it. One of my favorite memes a friend sent me was a picture of a monk in the lotus position and the caption says, "Relax. Nothing is under control." One of the biggest and most important lessons I've learned is to not be freaked out by emotional discomfort. It can't hurt me.