GwenCummings

Do you think you know best in your life? Do you trust yourself and your instincts? We all seem to be very good at saying....

"That doesn't work for me"

"No I can't do that"

"Thanks for your suggestions but that's no good for me"

The thing is that so far in my life It is ME who has been driving... and I am in a mess. An anxious, chaotic, alcoholic mess.

I am just about to admit to myself properly that I'm no good at this...

Who else has surrendered?

Johnston

Yes, I do think I know what's best for me. When I'm not sure I ask others or do research.

GracieLou

I don't know a damn thing and I only have to open my mouth to prove it! LOL

I used to run on self will. I thought my way was THE way. I no longer think that way.

You have to be reachable to be teachable. Willingness to learn is the key, well it was my key anyway.

MIRecovery

My best thinking almost killed me. When I started to do things suggested by professionals and people with long term sobriety things started to get better. At first I was sure it wouldn't work but I was 100% wrong

Gottalife

I just wrote some posts on this topic. Through experience I know the best thing for me is to try and align my will with that of my higher power. When I do that things run very well.

When I was first sober, full of remorse for always doing the wrong thing, I decided to try and do the right thing. Unfortunately what I though was right usually turned out to be wrong as well. Now I routinely use prayer and meditation through each day to guide my decisions and actions. It works Very practical way. Sometime the guidance is to seek professional help or advice, and I have some very wise friends from whom I can seek counsel.

On a good day, when I remember, I can check my thinking by asking myself is it pure, is it honest, is it unselfish, and is it loving. If it meets those criteria it's not self will. On the other hand, if it is selfish, dishonest, self seeking or fear based, it is self will.

I have lost count of the number of times I have been prevented from doing what I though was best for me, only to end up in a much better position than I could have imagined. They often say that in AA. Try and predict where you will be a year down the track in this program, and you'll sell yourself short every time.

DisplacedGRITS

I have no idea what's "best" for me. I know what hasn't worked in the past but sometimes, I'm not honest with why it didn't work. I know what's worked for me but it's hard to remember that I'm doing well because of the actions I've taken, not because I'm cured. It's a constant state of action. One of the most important actions I take is to be in regular contact with. Sharing with them helps me a lot. I talk casually about stuff and they help me keep perspective. All of my relapses have been precluded by isolation. I don't believe that's a coincidence.

Mac1

Hi Gwen,
Wise words!
I spent years trying to understand and beat my addiction. I tried every way to rationalise my behaviour, to control things, always thinking I knew best.
In reality I was a complete and utter mess. Then the penny finally dropped - I can't beat alcohol! I cant beat it now and I never will. That moment of realisation - of surrender, was so powerful.
Now I listen very carefully to the advice given in places like this. The more I hear the more I realise that my thinking was completely deluded...
I'm sober now 3 months and it hasn't always been easy, but at least I dont have those constant battles inside my head about how to control things.
Gwen it sounds to me like you are in the perfect place for a long-lasting recovery. Good luck.

GwenCummings

Thanks Mac1.
I have flailed around looking for solutions. Full of resistance to help and support.
Today. I totally surrender.

XXX

Nonsensical

I trust myself, but not my instincts. Especially the one that one that seeks to compel me to drink.

Aellyce

I do tend to trust my mind sober, sometimes even too much (so that I would not ask for help, although this is now more a past issue). I also tend to trust my instincts about a few things, for example, people.

Of course none of this functions well in an active alcoholic lifestyle. And obviously I had to give up trying to trust myself to quit that alone in the end.

afloatsober

Not a clue.
For 52 years i stuck to my plan in the face of advice and hard evidence that it didn't work.
I stuck to it until it literally almost killed me.
Then others suggested that i try a different plan, and finally i was desperate enough to not only take suggestions but act on them.
It saved my life where alcohol is concerned.
As simple (sometimes) as that for me.
G

KAD

Always swore up and down I knew what was best for me, but when it comes to alcohol in particular, well... the proof is in the pudding, as they say. Like you, all I've managed to do is make a damn mess of things and am finally admitting I need help and am actively seeking it. There's nothing wrong with reaching out for help. For many, it's an absolute necessity.

Jupiters

I'm intrigued to see where this road to sobriety will take me. I clearly had NO friggin clue what was best for me. Impulsive is my middle name. Decisions made while not of sound mind got me nowhere but to the crossroads of Chaos and Destruction. Plowing through relationships with no thought of others and their feelings. I have no idea who I even am at 37 years old....there was no way then for me to know what's best. How could I when I don't even know me??!!
The only good decision I have made recently is the one to put the booze away. For good.

soberlicious

Alcohol and drugs impair judgement. It was not my best/worst thinking that got me all messed up, it was actually 'no thinking'. It was the addicted part of me being in control, and me just riding along at it's mercy. I felt hijacked, because I was.

For me though, I knew all along in the recesses of my mind that it was all wrong. I knew I was hurting others. I knew I was hurting myself. Every morning I had a pit in my stomach. Every day I was sick. It was a struggle to get through each day. I knew the truth about what was happening to me because I'm not stupid.

I didn't need a new brain. I didn't need to keep downing myself about how broken I was and flawed and stupid and incapable of right thinking. What I needed was a foothold. A brief period to actually grab onto the end of the rope I had been flailing at for years.

phoebe64

Actually, I very much trust my instincts and judgement in most areas of my life *other* than drinking. For me, drinking is one aspect of myself I would like to change and address, but it does not mean all the other things I do or judgements I make are faulty or bad.

I do very many good things, make many good and sensible choices, help others, have great children, etc... But, it is all much better with alcohol out of my life.

Boleo

The number one characteristic, of everyone I know that has failed to stay sober for any length of time, is trust in their own thinking.

"Trust in the absurd is the highest level of faith".
(Soren Kierkegaard)

desypete

the best thing for me is to try to do good in my day and not bad

the more good i can do the better i feel, the more bad i do the more i want to hit out

i dont need a god to direct me as i learn hard lessons when i do bad its called pain

and as i dont like pain i soon learn to not do that again and stick to good things as i get less pain. so today i have a good day with less pain brought about by me

of course i am in a lot of pain over my son but that wasnt done by me its not my fault at all its just life. so i have to keep on going just trying to be good and not let my pain cripple me

no god needed here for this way of life

IOAA2

To me this disease is multi faced. When I first went to AA I heard and rejected many things with the delusion I knew it all. Then I heard that our mental and emotional development slows way down when we start drinking in our teens so what did I know about anything? When I was ready to surrender to the fact that I could not drink in safety I became teachable. I followed a lot of suggestions like sitting in the front row and listen. It took awhile to come out of the alcoholic fog and get honest with myself about my drinking.
It takes time but it works if we work it.

BE WELL

Serotonin

I actually think I do know what is good for me, maybe not best. But, I also know the addict in me will manipulate me and cloud my instincts, because I am sick. I think the goal is to be able to fully trust my instincts and only long term sobriety will allow that to take place.

Nuudawn

For me..the real, vulnerable...real deal me...well, she is a bit wise but her voice has been smothered and drowned mostly. She has piped up her warnings often...but I didn't trust her. I trusted that "other voice"...the one that spoke up against her..the one leaning up against a Harley, smoking a cigarette in a black leather jacket. Ya..I listened to that one...lots. That's the miserable bully I gotta stand up to...and his sister, the hot chick in the sexy red dress.

It's the plain jane bespectacled one I gotta listen to.

(Okay..seriously folks...I'm not Sybil...and yes, you gotta be old to get that one)