Whose life is this and how did i get it?
Whose life is this and how did i get it?
So today I have been doing some planning for my mother-in-law's visit on Thursday. I've been making loose plans, hitting the tourist spots (Space Needle, Pike Place Market, the Big Wheel) and a nice hike with a waterfall at the end. I'm writing down some eateries my husband and I like and ones we've been meaning to visit.
Then it hit me. I'm not nervous. I'm not afraid of the trip not being perfect. I'm not afraid of being distracted by trying to figure out how I can drink enough to keep me from withdrawing but without getting too drunk. I'm not thinking about how I have to be the perfect tour guide of the city. I'm just looking forward to the visit. It feels strange, but there is no fear at all!
Not only that, but I a text today from work asking me to fill in a shift. I was happy to accept. Seriously, I am happy to go to work. I am happy at work. I'm working. I stay busy all day and am productive. My work is good quality (I'm a grooming assistant at a pet salon) and I am efficient. I'm confident at work and at ease. I'm not scared of not being perfect. I'm calm, I'm serene. I am working as a team member and doing my own personal work.
I just realized that I am going to hit 90 days while my MIL is visiting. How freaking cool is that? I'm going to turn her and my husband loose at least once, maybe twice, for dinner so I can hit the meetings I don't want to miss. I'm not worried about that. I'd like to spend every evening with my MIL and husband but I just don't feel that it's worth missing those meetings. It's weird. I'm moulding my life around my recovery and I'm not resentful. I'm not proud of myself for doing that. It's just me new normal. It's what I do. I am amazed.
I wanted to share this because I want people who are suffering to see that serenity is achievable. I'm not even a year sober. These feelings didn't just suddenly manifest in the last week or two. This has been happening sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, since I decided to put my sobriety first. I've become willing to work at sobriety. I've become willing to do what people ask me to do. I say yes often. It is very rare for me to say no. I approach situations with an open mind and heart. I don't anticipate failure but I am prepared for it. I practice honesty in my life and acceptance. I apply the Serenity Prayer to my life and when I am feeling I'll at ease, I recite it to myself and let my fears and anger drift. I try to not hold anger or resentments close to my heart. I feel like I have become an agent of peace in my life, not an agent of chaos. I act like a person I would like to be around and have founf that that attracts people I want to be around.
If you're new to sobriety or if you're struggling, don't despair. Sobriety doesn't guarantee a life free from pain or discomfort or strife. I lost my closest Uncle a couple of weeks ago to suicide and his partner of 30 years to a natural death. I will always carry that sadness with me but I don't allow it to weigh down my soul. I understand that nothing I do now can bring them back. I accept what has happened. All I can do now is a life that honors them. I know that they would want me to be happy. Truly happy.
Keep working on sobriety. It's not always easy but the results are worth it.
Then it hit me. I'm not nervous. I'm not afraid of the trip not being perfect. I'm not afraid of being distracted by trying to figure out how I can drink enough to keep me from withdrawing but without getting too drunk. I'm not thinking about how I have to be the perfect tour guide of the city. I'm just looking forward to the visit. It feels strange, but there is no fear at all!
Not only that, but I a text today from work asking me to fill in a shift. I was happy to accept. Seriously, I am happy to go to work. I am happy at work. I'm working. I stay busy all day and am productive. My work is good quality (I'm a grooming assistant at a pet salon) and I am efficient. I'm confident at work and at ease. I'm not scared of not being perfect. I'm calm, I'm serene. I am working as a team member and doing my own personal work.
I just realized that I am going to hit 90 days while my MIL is visiting. How freaking cool is that? I'm going to turn her and my husband loose at least once, maybe twice, for dinner so I can hit the meetings I don't want to miss. I'm not worried about that. I'd like to spend every evening with my MIL and husband but I just don't feel that it's worth missing those meetings. It's weird. I'm moulding my life around my recovery and I'm not resentful. I'm not proud of myself for doing that. It's just me new normal. It's what I do. I am amazed.
I wanted to share this because I want people who are suffering to see that serenity is achievable. I'm not even a year sober. These feelings didn't just suddenly manifest in the last week or two. This has been happening sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, since I decided to put my sobriety first. I've become willing to work at sobriety. I've become willing to do what people ask me to do. I say yes often. It is very rare for me to say no. I approach situations with an open mind and heart. I don't anticipate failure but I am prepared for it. I practice honesty in my life and acceptance. I apply the Serenity Prayer to my life and when I am feeling I'll at ease, I recite it to myself and let my fears and anger drift. I try to not hold anger or resentments close to my heart. I feel like I have become an agent of peace in my life, not an agent of chaos. I act like a person I would like to be around and have founf that that attracts people I want to be around.
If you're new to sobriety or if you're struggling, don't despair. Sobriety doesn't guarantee a life free from pain or discomfort or strife. I lost my closest Uncle a couple of weeks ago to suicide and his partner of 30 years to a natural death. I will always carry that sadness with me but I don't allow it to weigh down my soul. I understand that nothing I do now can bring them back. I accept what has happened. All I can do now is a life that honors them. I know that they would want me to be happy. Truly happy.
Keep working on sobriety. It's not always easy but the results are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 425
I liked the line about how you are an agent of peace no longer an agent of chaos in your own life. Does anyone else feel this way. I felt like with every drunken night I was trying to push the limit and stir up excitement and chaos in my life... How crazy can It get before it kills me? I used to think that way.... and that seems crazy now
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