Weasel1966

If not reset at the right angle you will heal in a way that doesn't allow for full use of what was broken.

I feel that way about my life.

I am broken and in the healing process. Carefully trying to reset the fractured... the shattered... and the torn.

And like that same process you just don't know how strong the result of your nurturing will be until it's tested. For a drunk man to test his bones is scary. A mind numbing thought.

I long for the freedom of trusting the mended but I just can't afford to try right now.

I long for the intimacy that was shattered December 2012.

The desire for a sense of safety that was fractured chip by chip over a decade long slow motion crash.

Bring back the friendships and family and work relationships and self love that was torn to shreds and torn more until pulp.

But like the lucky ones who survive great tragedy... Those we see struggle to stand leaning all their weight on the guides for even the smallest of baby steps there is one thing in common with every person that has ever healed.

Hope.

I must be one of the lucky ones huh?

Olive1

A broken bone is stronger when healed.

Weasel1966

Thank you Olive. That was sweet. Feeling pensive and unsure today.

PurpleKnight

Hope . . . I think continues to get most of us up in the morning!!

We'll hopefully all get there someday though to testing out that broken bone, rest assured we're not leaving anyone behind here on SR!!

HeadLump

I don't know about 'lucky' Weasel, but I'd say you're one of the strong ones - and someone who deserves (and has worked hard for) the solid bones of sobriety

Fandy

Patience Weasy, just have some Patience.....it's going to be better than before, but we never know when or how long.

Dee74

There's nothing stopping you from getting every you want Weasel...I think you'll look back and be glad you took the time to work on you first tho

I hope you have a great weekend

D

Gilmer

Many people here love and treasure you very much, Ken. Just thought you should know that.

MIRecovery

You are indeed one of the lucky ones and so is everyone else who has been sober today.

Sobriety is indeed about baby steps but we have to be consistently expanding our boundaries. I really believe that if I'm not moving forward I am moving backward.

I am not sure if normies have the luxury of standing still but for this alcoholic I have to work at getting a little better everyday.

For who knows what reasons I have been granted a second chance that very few people are given. I plan on using this gift. Some days well, some not so much but each day I will do as well as I can.

Stay out of the past and take calculated steps toward something better

MythOfSisyphus

Often we trade innocence for wisdom...I'm not wise enough yet to know if it's a good trade.

mecanix

I think being broken pre-persumes some ultimate state of fixedness .

Because i know nothing about the state of being fixed how can i describe myself as being broken ? I have no common point of reference with another as to how fixed or broken either of us actually are , or even with myself because i'm in a completely different place than i was .

If your perception of the past is making you miserable today, drop it ..
If your perception of the future is making you miserable today, drop it ..

For me dealing with obsessive thoughts has been a big part of dealing with depression and the drinking ..
You might say we can't help what we think , maybe true …. but i think we can help ourselves by taking care not to dwell in those thoughts .

Take care mate , m

Thepatman

Personally I know that until I have filled the void left by me Alcohol habit I won't be able to have a normal and happy life.

When I have made some real life sober friends and are able to fill my time with some activities I will struggle.

Could this be your case also? Have you met sober people Weasel?

I know spending time alone and working on loving ourselves is great, but we can only love ourselves to a certain extent. Being loved by someone, now that's gratifying!

Back to my hermit sobriety. Wish they sold friends at Walmart sometimes. LOL!

Nonsensical

Comfort, health, security, and love must be occasionally interrupted in order to be fully appreciated. Substance addiction interrupts all of those to a much larger degree than necessary, but maybe that also gives us a much greater appreciation of those things in the end.

Be well, my brother from another mother.

Mags1

Hi weasel I want to run before I can walk sometimes, to test the water, even to the point I'm nearly convincing myself I can be a sensible drinker, but I've always wanted to get to the end of the book, before knowing the story I think that's why I love Columbo.

Your posts are always very thoughtful and inspiring. Take care.

Jeni26

You are doing more than ok Ken.

Healing takes as long as it takes...and getting better doesn't mean we ever forget, it means that the past no longer determines the way we live our lives.

You will know when it is time to move on.

Hugs

Tiptree

We care about you and we need you. You are a special person, a healer. You know great tragedy, have been broken, and yet you reach out to us and share your pain and wisdom. Yes, very special. Peace and happiness to you.

Weasel1966

Just want to say that I am thankful for your comments. I have been in a very strange place these last couple of weeks. Still feel like more is ending than beginning.

I am careful not to get caught up in the mush of it all. Nothing to figure out but just still maybe shed some emotional weight.

One thing that is an absolut I have learned.... When I feel like this it means I am growing. I have been here before. Never while drinking though. So in a way it's a lost feeling I get to rediscover again!