BOBHFA

Hello All!

Thank you all who read this posting and decide to chime in with your experience, and suggestions. About me: 37 y/o male married two children and a dog! I have a good career, and a great family but my drinking has become a problem, and I am taking the first steps to seek help and quit. I have been reading here for a while, learning from different experiences and trying to gauge my own level of Alcoholism. I have been drinking for 20+ years now, recklessly when I was younger, and toned down a lot as I got older and married. The stresses of married life with kids and a career cause me to drink to relieve stress and things have gotten out of hand and I have lost control. While my story is mild compared to some of the hardships many of you have suffered, my life is getting away from me as I loose more and more control over alcohol. Since this is my first post, I am not really sure what I could say here to inspire others to contribute to my posting, but I do seek your support and wisdom. I am an open book and I will answer any question you may ask that might help further my self-realization. This past Sunday was my "awakening" day and the day I drew the line in the sand. Without going into details, I was drinking and crashed my friends motorcycle without really getting hurt, hurting anyone else, or damaging the motorcycle, or any trouble with the law. I got lucky! Depending on your views of spirituality, this was life giving me a "Mulligan" and telling me to get my life right.

I have never tried to quit alcohol before, but I did successfully quit smoking cold turkey 11 years ago. I have read about different strategies for different situations, and different degrees of alcoholism. Here is what I have working in my favor: I am very fit. I am into cycling, and I ride my bike 2-3 times a week rigorously, as well as work out daily on my lunch break. What I don't have in my favor is a strong support system. My wife is on board, but my friends and my parents are not really. My friends think that I am ok, more like a HFA ( high functioning alcoholic) which I think has perpetuated my problem, and my mom is an alcoholic and would probably be embarrassed by my quitting. In our conversation yesterday she said I just need to cut back.

My wife before we met really wasn't a drinker. In the 7 yeas of our relationship she drinks now, and also struggles with alcohol addiction but not like me. Perhaps that could be attributed to me drinking much longer. She is on board and agrees that we both need/want better for our lives. She thinks that quitting for 3-4 months or so to re-gain control is the answer. I don't think that will work for me. Since I am just taking my first steps to recovery, I openly seek the advice of all you friendly folks. I have many questions and fears:

I fear withdrawl symptoms
What kind of timeline can I anticipate?
I fear the complex emotional responses
I fear the behavioral responses
Is quitting really the right thing for me or is cutting back?
How severe is my alcoholism? I can certainly answer questions to qualify that
When can I expect health benefits to start presenting?
Is there a timeline of sorts that most people's recovery falls in line with?
And certainly worst of all I fear re-lapse

Again I am opening myself up to this forum seeking advice, support, and direction. This is my first time trying to quit. I think I have what it takes to make this work and put this behind me.

Gonnachange

Welcome BOBHFA!. I'm only here a week and in the midst of my first attempt so I can't offer much about my experiences of becoming sober, but I can tell you that the support and advice here is tremendous. Wishing you well!

BOBHFA

Gonnachange thanks for chiming in. I also don't have any experience / advice as you know but I do encourage you to stay the course! I know that with all things worth accomplishing big or small having support and direction always helps. Keep in touch if you wish.

bigsombrero

Hi BOBHFA,

I was 37 when I quit for good 2 years ago - now I'm 39 and couldn't be happier with my decision. I also was struggling with alcohol in a similar situation: I binge drank in my early 20's, calmed down between ages 27-32, then picked up speed in my mid-30s and my dependency became unmanageable.

You are making a great decision here. In my case, I let those thoughts of quitting linger...and lost my girlfriend, job, and ended up in the hospital. I had never really allowed myself to "grow up" and continued to behave recklessly (much like you on the motorcycle) and eventually paid the price. Luckily I had an opportunity to go to rehab and got sorted out.

Anyway, enough about me. Just wanted to encourage you and welcome you to the forum. Just so you know what you're getting into: this can be a huge challenge. Do not underestimate how difficult this CAN be for some. In my case, only total abstinence would suffice...no matter how much I didn't want to admit it. As the sober days move forward, you will continue to have thoughts that "one beer can't hurt" or "hey, I made it 1 month, I can drink again now". You have to stay strong during those times.

SR has really helped me maintain 2 years of sobriety. I wish you a warm welcome and all the best on this new journey!

BOBHFA

Thanks Bigsombrero! I know its gonna be difficult. I am proud of you for making your decision and sticking to it ! My parents divorced when I was 3 as a result of both my parents alcoholism. As a child it crushed me as I couldn't understand why. In my earliest memories I made it my life's mission to have my own happy family and along the way I picked up a bad habit. I will win this battle. I have to break old habits. My favorite thing in the whole world is to have beers after a long bicycle ride. Making small tweaks to my lifestyle will be the key. When I talk to people about quitting smoking my best advice is always the same: "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't want a cigarette. I just regained control of the habit."

BOBHFA

More info about me and drinking for perspective:

Beer has always been my poison of choice. I never really cared for hard liquor much, and occasionally wine. Of course when I was young and under-employed cheap beer was my swill. Going to bars beer was cheap, going to beach, boat, parties yadda yadda it was Bud light, Miller Lite etc. etc. Any given day I could drink 12-30 12oz canned beers. I worked at a golf course, and beer was everywhere and most times free so it was easy to justify. As a teen and twenty-somethings I drank 4-5 days a week. As I got older and could afford better beer I discovered Craft beer. From 28-to present I drink less, but drink more frequently. Craft beers are higher ABV and heavier. 4-8 craft beers is probably close to 12-14 cheap beers. Last couple years it has been drinking 3-5 a day weekdays, and 4-10 weekends. I can count on one hand weeks that I didn't drink every day. Weekday beers have certainly affected my focus at work, and my work has suffered. My wife and I have tried planning out dry days during the week, and something as little as our dog crapping in our house would send us off to the grocery store. Too much beer. As I have gotten older, like the last 2 years, I have experienced severe mood swings, and short tempered with my wife kids and dog. THAT HAS GOT TO STOP. I would cut off my arm to fix that problem.

isitme

BOBHFA - This last little post sure hits home. I'm just 3 days in so I don't offer much in the way of experience, but I'm certainly wrestling with those same feelings. My husband and I drink nearly everyday. It makes me sad. I just told him a week or two ago... can you imagine all the things we could accomplish if we spent the time we spend drinking on something productive? We've started businesses and have dreams, but when it comes right down to it.. we spend most of our free time either watching TV or drinking? What exactly does that accomplish? It's all just talk at that point.

I too noticed how moody I can get with the kids. That makes me even more sad. They don't deserve that. And whether I do or don't drink too much.. I know that once I start, I really don't want to be bothered. I just want to do what I want to do.

I know there is a better life. I see it everyday in the people around me who have sobriety. I know we can have that life too BOBHFA. Good luck on your journey.

firstymer

Welcome, BOBHFA. I am glad you are here with us. I drank heavily for 20+ years. I stumbled onto this site 10 months ago while hungover. I suppose I was an HFA but, after reading posts from other members here, I realized that didn't make me any less of an alcoholic.

With the help and wisdom of the wonderful people here, I have managed to stay sober since the day I logged on to SR. I don't use AA or any other methods to stay sober. Just SR. I know that makes me an anomaly but, as long as it is working, I will stick with it. I have never admitted to anyone, other than to myself and to the good people here, that I am an alcoholic.

I don't mean to oversimplify alcoholism, but I know that as an alcoholic, I can't control how often I drink or how much I drink. As a result, I can't drink. At all. Ever. A lot of new members here struggle with that. I STILL sometimes struggle with the finality of it. But unless I accept the obvious (#1, that I am alcoholic and, #2, that I may not drink again, ever), I know that I am doomed to fail. If you apply to alcohol the same philosophy that you applied to quitting smoking, I think you are going to be on the right track.

Anyway, welcome to SR. I wish you good luck on your sober journey.

BOBHFA

Firstymer-Thanks for your contribution. 3 things jump out to me:

I share your feelings about HFA> just a fancy excuse.

I also have come here only to start. With all I have read here I feel that this is a community of people that really seek help. I think if I cannot get to where I need to be then I will seek other advice / counsel.

I can't drink anymore. With pretty much everything I do I am all or nothing. I have to have a specific plan layed out for me even going to ride my bike I have to have something I want to accomplish in mind.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

BOBHFA

Well I have to say I feel great right now as I already have started seeking support. Thanks again to you all. My wife and I have decided to quit for a year. I hope she can also see the benefits of quitting altogether. I would hate to have to do all this work to fall right back into the pitfall of drinking again. Cold Turkey it is for me. I will find more time and less excuses to ride my bike more and I think that will help with the emotional roller coaster I anticipate coming.

Confuzd

Best wishes to you in your sobriety. If you are concerned about withdrawals, see a doctor. It may be a good idea to see a doctor anyway as an additional means of support and to check on your general health as drinking can mess up your health pretty good.

BOBHFA

Confuzd

Thanks for your concern. On the surface, my health is perfect. 6'4" 210lbs very athletic, perfect heart health, everything checks out. What lies underneath the surface of quitting drinking could be problematic, blood chemistry changes, liver function changes, and other unknowns I am unprepared for. Chemical alcohol dependency is what I can't measure or predict. I cannot predict what emotional turmoil I will experience and I fear that the most. I have healthy outlets such as exercise and my family, and I imagine it wont be the same for a while.

BOBHFA

Doesn't take long to see who your real friends are. My mother, who also is an alcoholic, is flat out not supporting me or my decision. Honestly it hurts the most. She told me that I was too much like my dad, he tried to quit drinking and couldn't do it. Nothing positive to say. On a good note, its been 5 days, which in comparison to some of you folks who have been at it much longer, but 5 days is the longest for me in 15 years I think.

I quit when I was 22 because things were out of hand and for the first time I felt like I was loosing control so I decided to quit for a month. That was harder I think because of my lifestyle at the time and I was constantly surrounded by drinking, and worse-off beinge drinking. So after I completed my mission, I stopped at a gas station on my way home from working at the golf course. I bought some beer and got into my car to complete my commute when something strange happened. The stoplight that was at the intersection where the gas station was, remained red for an unusual amount of time and no other cars passed through. I sat there for quite a while, because I had an open beer in the car and running the light was not an option. Finally after waiting and waiting I ran the stoplight and drove off. Still no other cars in sight. As I drove off I kept the stoplight in my rear view mirror watching to see if the light ever changed. I lost sight of it before it ever changed. Sounds cheesy but I feel like a higher power was trying to communicate with me.

If you read the beginning of my post I will elaborate on the event that made me realize that I had rolled the dice one too many times and I was done drinking. My friend is selling his motorcycle, and its a big one 1300. Big bike. I have experience riding but its been a few years. So he was coercing me to ride it before it was gone, and after many beers on Sunday, much to the dismay of my wife I hopped on and sped off. I took it out of our hood onto some country back roads to get re-aquainted. I made a loop that eventually led me back to my own neighborhood. I was speeding, and came too fast into a tight left handed corner and luckily for me layed it down in the grass and not on the pavement. Cut up and banged up I stood the bike up and got back on to flee the scene. Had the cops gotten involved, life would have ended for me. I have no motorcycle license and I was certainly intoxicated. Nobody but myself was harmed thank god, not even the bike really. So in summary, life is giving me cues, and I am listening. Its like my good friend who knows me well said " you are like a cat with only 1-2 lives remaining"